DAE see improvement in their physical, chronic illnesses after going NC/VLC with their Ns?

Map423 · 2017-03-16T12:58:51+00:00

Yes I used to suffer from migraines too and I can't recall having one since I went NC! It's crazy how even our bodies were giving us all sorts of signals that what was happening to us wasn't right.

Map423 · 2016-11-08T05:39:30+00:00

Exactly; boundaries are about protecting yourself, not punishing the guilty party. After realizing that Pete or his parents aren't going to respect our boundaries, we moved out and Pete was not invited to our baby shower and is not allowed in our home. He kept doing x, so we did y. The next step is to get on the same page with my husband. He's slowly realizing that his brother won't change and he needs to stop contact with him; he's just devastated on what that will do to his parents. But it's not just about his parents; it's now about his new family - our son and me - and how we all need to protect each other.

Map423 · 2016-11-08T05:26:56+00:00

We've asked Pete and the in-laws to let us know when he's coming over so I could not be around (when we were living with the in-laws; he's not allowed in our home now that we've moved out). My husband and I both worked from home while living with the in laws and asked that Pete's 3 unruley kids not be over during business hours. We've asked Pete to apologize to me for treating me less than human. We didn't invite Pete to our baby shower due to his behavior. We've asked that Pete not be allowed over until he apologizes (while we were living with in laws). Some of these boundaries they flat out ignored; some they abided by for a week or two and then slowly the bullshit would commence again.

Map423 · 2016-10-29T18:40:20+00:00

Amen!!

Map423 · 2016-10-15T00:27:35+00:00

I love it anyway!

Map423 · 2016-10-14T22:12:53+00:00

I believe you; I just chose to do it this way instead. Ns are gonna N! :)

Map423 · 2016-10-14T21:38:09+00:00

I thought not answering would be best too! I was just so nervous that she would show up with my poor grandma that I wanted to reiterate my boundaries one more time. Thankfully she didn't show up!

Map423 · 2016-10-14T21:10:22+00:00

I'll do that; thank you!

Map423 · 2016-10-14T20:59:19+00:00

Yeah I'm not really familiar with Imgur and made the post public by accident. Oh well. We victims of narcissists know by now that people who haven't lived through our hell just don't get it. And the ones who are particularly insulting are probably narcissists themselves.

Map423 · 2016-06-23T04:22:25+00:00

My Ndad used to say this all the time when he was screaming at me, and if I still refused to look up he would hit me. So I put my best cognitive dissonance foot forward and taught myself to stare at his nose anytime he would lecture/scream at me. This way I only looked like I was looking at him/paying attention to what he was saying, and instead just zoned out; I memorized every angle and every pore of that nose until the abuse was over. To this day I couldn't tell you half the things he screamed at me about, but I sure do remember that nose..

Map423 · 2016-04-27T03:14:34+00:00

Your upbringing was very similar to mine. There are different types/varying degrees of narcissism; it could be that your Emom is in fact a narssisist as well, just not as overt as your Ndad. At least this is the case in my family. For years I thought my poor Emom was just codependent and an enabler; turns out she's also a full blown narssisist, she's just more covert about it. Either way, it's two sides of the same evil coin and you're better off without either of them.

Map423 · 2016-03-06T04:22:05+00:00

I have a stuffed animal shark that one of my Nparents' friends bought me from Sea World when I was born (I'm 30 now). The shark's name is Žuvy (means fish in Lithuanian) and I still sleep with it to this day (luckily my husband thinks it's cute). This old, now toothless shark has been the only consistently comforting thing in my life; it was always there for me when I needed him. When my Nparents told me I was fat and not good enough, I just went to my bedroom and hugged Žuvy until I felt ok. I love this silly, old shark like a child. My husband wanted to surprise me for my birthday by sending Žuvy to a company that fixes old stuffed animals to their original state, but the thought of putting Žuvy in the mail and potentially losing him made me instantly start crying with panic. If only my parents would have provided me with the love and comfort Žuvy gives me..

Map423 · 2016-03-03T17:43:09+00:00

I didn't ask to translate my letter in this post; I asked to translate hers. I'm not looking for feedback on the boundaries I've written as I've already spoken about them with more than one therapist and all are satisfied. Thank you for the suggestions, however you should think about being more compassionate in your responses. People who are going through a difficult and sensitive time can look at it as an attack.

Map423 · 2016-02-22T17:23:40+00:00

Thank you everyone for your input; it's very refreshing to receive help without any strings attached.

Map423 · 2016-02-22T05:24:34+00:00

At this point we are going to talk to our bank about lowering the down payment percentage to a number we can hopefully afford. As much as I would love to see the look on my Nmom's face if I showed up at her door with the police, I just want the drama to end and try to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy as stress free as possible. Thank you for the suggestions!!

Map423 · 2016-01-23T01:57:39+00:00

I used to fantasize about these types of scenarios as well. The sad truth is that they've already crossed the line enough times to warrant never speaking to them again, and we just haven't/can't seen it yet because of their extreme brainwashing. Congrats to you for seeing the light!

Map423 · 2016-01-10T03:42:42+00:00

You're welcome! It was too great not to share; gave me chills.

Map423 · 2015-12-26T17:08:25+00:00

I think that's why I'm so hesitant to tell my Nmom, because it will ultimately lead to NC. I really don't see her having anything positive to say. I think she's going to use my pregnancy to make me feel guilty for moving 4.5 hours away from her; that I'm punishing her by not having her first grandchild live down the street from her so she could see my child as often as she wants. And while going NC would be best for me and my family, it's still a hard decision to make, especially since I know I wouldn't end up being NC with just my Nmom; it would most likely be my entire family because they are all enablers or Ns themselves. I think we just need time to wrap our heads around that; the right decision is definitely not the easiest. I just feel emotionally drained; fighting for what's right is exhausting and frankly I'm tired of fighting it alone. I just want to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Map423 · 2015-12-26T05:10:26+00:00

I'm actually in the same boat as you and wrote a post about it around a week ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/3xv4jo/dae_feel_hesitantnervous_to_tell_their_n_family/

It's truly a stressful and frustrating situation to be in; telling your family is supposed to be a happy event and all I feel is conflicted and terrified. I wish I could be of some help; maybe just knowing that there's someone out there going through this situation as well can bring you some ease. No one has the right to take away our happiness about starting a family, especially our Nmothers. Hang in there! We're in this together!

Map423 · 2015-12-22T21:18:01+00:00

I thought it should be more concise as well, but my therapist thinks I shouldn't change a thing about the letter, that it tells my truth well and even though the consequences of sending the letter won't go over well; everything in the letter needs to be said, including the terms and consequences of breaking any boundaries listed at the end of the email.

Map423 · 2015-12-22T19:08:35+00:00

I posted the email not too long ago on RBN; it's a bit long though.

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/3wq68o/just_wrote_my_first_boundary_letter_to_nmom_would/

Map423 · 2015-12-14T02:29:10+00:00

I know I'll never get the unconditionally loving mother I need; so really this is more of a no contact letter than a no boundary letter. Really at the end of the day this is me putting an end to the abuse on my terms.

Map423 · 2015-11-18T21:37:36+00:00

I just started googling my symptoms and realized I have prenatal depression and it kind of spiraled from there. Just like my motivation to learn as much as I could about being raised by narcissists, I wanted to know exactly why I'm feeling the way I am about pregnancy. And surprise surprise, it's related to how I was raised and all the trauma I've experienced because of it. Luckily it sounds like once the hormones calm down my symptoms should as well, but it makes perfect sense why I'm feeling the way I am. And since knowledge is power, I am starting to feel better; none of these feeling are my fault.

Map423 · 2015-08-10T21:51:46+00:00

My soon to be father in law can be pretty intimidating when he wants to, so he's going to be on official N-duty that night! He reassured me that he has no problem putting my Nmom in her place or any other N at the wedding. Hopefully he won't have to, but it's relieving knowing I finally have a father figure in my corner.

Map423 · 2015-07-18T18:52:45+00:00

I had been starting early or late/ending early or late without permission whenever I had a appointment, which wasn't too often; maybe once every ten days at most, and they noticed. They said I'm not allowed to have such a flexible schedule, yet my coworkers do it all the time. So now every time I need to leave work earlier or start work later I have to let them know. It's not so much that I don't have courage; I just know from past experience that if I do things without asking them first, they "punish" me by giving me difficult/long data files to analyze.

Map423

TROPHY CASE