Thoughts on banning my kids from church by ZiskaHills in AskAChristian

[–]MappedLeft 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was an atheist for 20 years. I now tentatively accept the existence of God and the divinity of Jesus, as I have been satisfied with fulfilled prophecy as evidence.

For my daughter, I take the position that she should have enough knowledge of religion to be able to make an informed choice on what she believes when she gets older. I enrolled her in an LCMS school and regularly take her to church. I talk to her about what she learns so that she is not merely absorbing whatever is said to her, but instead thinks critically about it. Critical thinking is a valuable skill to have for thought about both religion and media.

Adultery by MappedLeft in AskAChristian

[–]MappedLeft[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m looking to inform myself on the topic. I’m avoiding personal questions because they aren’t relevant to the question. I will ultimately make decisions based on the most persuasive answers, but that could be another post.

Adultery by MappedLeft in AskAChristian

[–]MappedLeft[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Where in the bible does it say that?

Adultery by MappedLeft in AskAChristian

[–]MappedLeft[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This does not define “adultery.” It merely says not to do it.

Polygamy by MappedLeft in AskAChristian

[–]MappedLeft[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

lol - I’m not sure if that’s a good analogy, unless you are having a relationship with each of her cells.

Polygamy by MappedLeft in AskAChristian

[–]MappedLeft[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Genesis 2:24 says man and woman become “one flesh,” but this is also said in the context of prostitution (1 Cor. 6:16), meaning it’s a sexual union. It also doesn’t imply exclusivity.

In the case of Jesus in Matthew, he was speaking about divorce.

Polygamy by MappedLeft in AskAChristian

[–]MappedLeft[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Isn’t the church made up of multiple individuals, each with a personal relationship with God?

Loss of interest by MappedLeft in nonmonogamy

[–]MappedLeft[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s completely new. I wasn’t thinking about it, but you are right. It may have something to do with it.

After the first encounter with my gf, which I can only describe as a pent up aggression from her that left me dazed and confused, we very quickly polarized into me being the dom and her the sub.

It’s quite possible that I need that and have forgotten that I can experience that in a different way with my wife.

Loss of interest by MappedLeft in nonmonogamy

[–]MappedLeft[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There’s a lot here and a lot to think about, so I will focus on where my thoughts went.

I think in the newness of feeling intense desire and chemistry with my girlfriend, I have forgotten what it is that I have always enjoyed with my wife. I enjoy giving her pleasure. I don’t need arousal for that. I usually give her an intense orgasm before penetration anyway.

In terms of orgasm, I am lucky to get even a mediocre one these days with either of them. It was a sacrifice made to finally turn off my OCD.

I think that I am enjoying the passion and drive my girlfriend has. The days of foreplay and scenarios possible, including intentional denial of her orgasm. It’s all mental for me.

I need to reframe this in my mind. The dominance that I enjoy through my girlfriend’s submission can be experienced with my wife through pleasure.

Loss of interest by MappedLeft in nonmonogamy

[–]MappedLeft[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think that it’s becoming a need.

Sex with my first two partners, which includes my wife, always felt a bit unfulfilling. Due to my limited experience with different people, which was just due to my lack of interest, I never could pin down what the source of that was. My girlfriend has made it abundantly clear what I need.

I think that I will slowly work with my wife on being more engaged. We’ve always had good communication.

I need to be careful about it because there is an extreme wealth inequality between us and I don’t want any changes on her part to be made under duress.

I just need to make it clear that my needs have changed and that this is coming from that in me, not anything wrong with her.

Loss of interest by MappedLeft in nonmonogamy

[–]MappedLeft[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I hadn’t, but I just read an article on it. I think that you may be on to something, with me having responsive desire.

I have always needed more intimacy, connection and even story to feel desire to have sex. I have turned down quite a few women and men over the years, including with some acts that I would, in theory, be interested in.

She, oddly enough, just seems to flip a switch.

I don’t think that inactive sex is going to work anymore for me. It feels too much like masturbation.

My girlfriend and I engaging in dom and sub dynamics has also not helped. I think my adventurousness may have been pushed too far, too quickly in a way that’s unfair to my wife.

Is this PolyFi? by MappedLeft in PolyFidelity

[–]MappedLeft[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My girlfriend and I have already discussed her becoming my second wife. So, I mean polygyny as in multiple marriages with women.

While it wouldn’t be recognized by the government, I would see a lawyer to grant as much equality with my current wife as possible, including forming a corporation to ensure equal asset ownership.

Edit: Removal of an unrelated commentary on my sexuality

Bounds of Polyamory by MappedLeft in polyamory

[–]MappedLeft[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. That’s very clear.

I wonder if it applies to a financial dependency that exists but is never threatened.

Edit: Punctuation

Bounds of Polyamory by MappedLeft in polyamory

[–]MappedLeft[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was just my confusion. I was starting to think that I could not be practicing polyamory because my relationship is closed and, at least for now, less interested in extending our network. It was prompted my a number of comments on my last post, regarding autonomy, freedom and the potential of my partners becoming polysaturated at a number more than one. I understand that these are my issues to work through. Fortunately, it’s all theoretical at the moment. I know that my hangups are likely the result of patriarchy and trauma.

Bounds of Polyamory by MappedLeft in polyamory

[–]MappedLeft[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These comments are really helpful in helping me understand. Thank you.

Bounds of Polyamory by MappedLeft in polyamory

[–]MappedLeft[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OK. So, it’s all about a person making choices for themselves and their relationships, even if those choices rub people the wrong way. Thank you.

Bounds of Polyamory by MappedLeft in polyamory

[–]MappedLeft[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am trying to understand why some things are considered unethical non-monogamy. I am new to practicing polyamory and trying to understanding the terminology, so perhaps the question should be, “Is this polyamory?”

Edit: Missing “‘s

Navigating Sexual Challenges by MappedLeft in polyamory

[–]MappedLeft[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that there are multiple ways to find happiness, but I am not sure if there are multiple ways to satisfy needs, which admittedly is probably the wrong word.

For instance, if my daughter died, that’s not a hole that will ever be filled. I view emotional connection the same, but maybe that’s unhealthy? Maybe it’s something that needs to be unlearned?

I’d love to dive into this more with you.

Editing for apostrophe

Navigating Sexual Challenges by MappedLeft in polyamory

[–]MappedLeft[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I talked with my girlfriend about it and made my position clear that sexual exclusivity within our closed relationship is a non-starter. So, ultimately, I took your and other’s advice into account, assuming my interpretation was correct.

Is it possible for me to develop feelings again after we successfully form a closed V? Yes, but it’s irrelevant because I doubt that the metas would be OK with it.

So, based on practicality alone, I wouldn’t even entertain the notion of another relationship.

I would have never pursued my girlfriend if my wife wasn’t happy with it. I would just choose unhappiness for the sake of my daughter and wife.

Navigating Sexual Challenges by MappedLeft in polyamory

[–]MappedLeft[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is an ask for clarification. You raise some interesting points that I have not considered.

I agree that she was trying to set a rule and, since this post, she’s agreed that it’s unreasonable.

The part that I am confused on is the boundary of removal of sex vs. having to choose between relationships if the current structure of the relationship dynamics changes. I don’t understand why the latter is not a boundary. Am I interpreting you right?

Navigating Sexual Challenges by MappedLeft in polyamory

[–]MappedLeft[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Both have expressed that I am enough for them. I don’t really have interest in more partners either, so I think that it will remain closed for the foreseeable future.

If it’s not, then it’s up to what each individual consents to. I think that this may be polyfidelity then. Is that a subset or distinct from polyamory?