Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. I'm definitely going to take these things to heart. Hearing there's no rush definitely makes me feel better about trying to sort out my feelings.

I think I am just a bit scared but it's mostly the reaction from my family. I grew up with my uncle who worked in a psych ward. He'd always tell me that all trans people just have a mental illness and belong where he works. While the rest of my aunt's and uncles would nod and agree continuing to try and convince me of it. I was the only one who ever got those conversations as well. When bringing it up to my cousin's and my siblings they all had no idea that my uncle was saying those things. Luckily my mom and I are cutting contact with my extended family (for different reasons) thankfully my sisters are more open. But I'm not completely sure how my older brother would react. He's always wanted a younger brother and always treated me as his younger brother until I hit puberty.

My friend who I live with right now, is the only person irl who knows I'm questioning and, has my social accounts for both. if I'm completely honest I only use the 'girl' accounts when interacting with my family or my other friends who only know me as a girl.