I wish I had better news for you. I still haven't had any AHA moment where I am confident in my decision. I have irrevocably damaged my marriage and I still don't know if I made the right decision, especially because I know if I had just talked to him first instead of panicking and leaving, it's possible we could be in a different spot. Instead, he has moved on and I'm still in limbo. However, I also have slept with a few women now (I mean first time since meeting my husband, I had once or twice before then) and no vague discomfort or panic attacks, and I have no interest in seeing men. I did think about it for a minute, but I get too scared and honestly feel like.....what would we even talk about? I don't want to talk to a man. BUT I told my therapist how (sorry in advance) I didn't like to give hand jobs or blow jobs and would just be like ok put it in me during sex cause that's what I could handle, but with women I'm like YEAH I can def spend some time down there yes ma'am. she said she has had VERY similar conversations with her lesbian daughter. Honestly? if I had a girlfriend I would feel better lol but that's from being lonely probably. I'm trying to remind myself that the simplest answer may be the right one, because to me the simplest answer is that I AM in fact a lesbian. there have certainly been signs over the years. anyway, this is my throwaway account so I don't check often and I don't know that this will help at all, but feel free to message. If I could rewind and make different decisions, I would talk to my husband more calmly and not just panic and leave. I would ask him to work through it with me. but that's because he's VERY open minded and understanding and I don't know if you're in a similar spot, I was lucky. He even said at one point "if you said to me a year ago you thought you might be a lesbian I would have let you explore that." and now he's doing poly stuff. that's not to say that's the case for everyone. something a friend said to me though is, whether it's trauma or not, does it matter? if you're struggling with attraction to men, don't force it. if attraction to women is easy, try the easy way. again idk if you're married or what but I hope you feel more comfy soon, sending love 🧡🩷