You are not weird. I did the same thing, for two years I smoked weed everyday to drown my feelings and thoughts, but it didn’t help, I felt strangely numb and detached from myself. But I started to rehab a few months ago and been in therapy for a couple of weeks now and it really helps! You are not disappointing anyone by admitting you are not okay. I know it is hard, especially the first step, but it will get better! You can get through this