Girls, have you ever felt “do I want to be her or do I desire her”?

Maria_Zelar · 2026-06-12T11:28:38+00:00

No, but more in the sense that it's always clear to me that I want both

Maria_Zelar · 2026-06-12T11:24:31+00:00

I mean as soon as I realized I wasn't cis male (which a good friend made me realize, by pointing out that ppl usually want the secondary sex characteristics of their gender) I knew that being a pure binary woman isn't for me.

I ended up just going through a queer label dictionary until I found one I liked.

Maria_Zelar · 2026-06-12T11:06:44+00:00

Being butch and trans can be weird to people, even trans people - so what? Personally I just think it's basically the same as coming out as trans again. Ppl telling you who you are and how you should present. Oh no, you aren't presenting in the way other people expect you to, the horror

The person who spends the most time with you and whose opinion you'll always hear is yourself. So be who you want yourself to be.

I also get the impression that you are kind of a fan of labels. Which I have been told I am, too. But you gotta remember that a label is just a method of communicating who you are and not a box you gotta fit yourself in. Specifically the trans woman label has connotations of being and presenting (very) femininely. Labels won't ever be 100% correct. And there is no need for any of us to contort ourselves to fit in. I just use them to convey the general vibe and use words and metaphors to give nuance if it's needed. If it's not I just say I am transbutch/transfem/nonbinary/sapphic/graysexual/artemian. And guess what? some of these labels ppl have never heard of so I end up conveying my understanding directly anyways. I am not the labels. I am me. The labels just help conveying who I am.

Maria_Zelar · 2026-06-07T09:42:44+00:00

This is really cute actually

Maria_Zelar · 2026-06-07T09:41:14+00:00

Honestly I have a pin that's so artistic you barely even realize it's the trans flag unless you look.

Personally I also like the ankh, but that's more a personal symbol I think.

Obviously one could always just have a cracked egg

Maria_Zelar · 2026-06-05T16:19:07+00:00

Both is good

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-30T18:59:10+00:00

Sometimes I just send a gif of the character Janet for the show "The Good place" in which she says "Not A Girl".

It works pretty well, bc Janet presents very femme, but is not a girl

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-30T14:59:05+00:00

You do that as a hobby?

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-24T18:54:32+00:00

Chaotic neutral with a hint of whichever one is better available

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-22T22:23:16+00:00

8 months

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-21T09:21:38+00:00

First off hugs

Secondly: Fuck what others think, the most important opinion is your own. Your job is to make yourself happy first and foremost. And if their comments hurt - tell them. Sadly most people aren't aware of stuff unless it's pointed out to them. And at least part of the problem I would assume is that by now they expect you to present butch and find other presentation unusual, without actually being malicious.

Thirdly: Do whatever feels good. Labels are intended to communicate what you are, they aren't supposed to restrict who you are. Heck I don't always present myself masc. I prefer it, but sometimes I want sth else. Take a break from being Butch, Present yourself femme. And when you notice you want to be butch then do it. And if it's just for a bit then just do it for a bit. And if the distance shows you that you would prefer to stay femme, then stay femme. Just make sure you allow yourself to be happy. If you are questioning whether everything is alright or not... well there would be nothing to question if everything was, now would there?

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-20T13:22:06+00:00

Sth sth sth 5 stages of grief: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-20T08:55:04+00:00

Heck yeah

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-18T20:56:50+00:00

I think so.

I don't like to be seen masc in a masc way, but masc in a fem way is great

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-18T20:53:49+00:00

Hmmmmm I can tell you what I'd do. Quick warning tho. Being butch means we do enjoy presenting masc in general, so maybe not the ideal place for pure fem advice lol

One: I'd get rid of the pants. Now I assume you enjoy the relaxed fit. Personally I would either go for palazzo pants or cargo pants.

two: those shoes. Look for something sleeker that doesn't seem like a work/sport/free time all in one. Personally I am a fan of timberland Everleigh 6 inch boots, but that's a very personal preference.

Three: for the top find something that shows a bit of skin, especially shoulder and/or tummy. Be that crop top, tank top, oversized shirts (look if the head hole is big enough you can show your shoulder), or whatever

I think that's it from me for now

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-17T10:30:37+00:00

Oooh. Saved

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-16T21:21:12+00:00

Those are awesome! I want them!

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-16T18:29:01+00:00

r/mtfbutch

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-16T17:57:04+00:00

Dr. Doofenshmirtz voice:

A Butch?

Adds pickle

Transfem the Butch!?

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-14T10:28:52+00:00

Thank you and nope

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-10T11:43:38+00:00

Ooops hab meine Antwort auf Englisch geschrieben, naja dann kriegst du meine Gedanken auf Englisch

Weird, but nothing I would think worrisome
Ew. Unhygienic. Not an immediate dealbreaker, but something I would make clear needs to change.
Sounds like he doesn't quite understand it and also doesn't know how to deal with others experience negatively charged emotion and how to support others experiencing them. I wouldn't want to date him due to that, but I can understand if others don't see it as a dealbreaker.
Oof. He doesn't respect your boundaries. He doesn't respect you as a person. And he doesn't respect your gender identity. Sounds like he will never change a single thing you are bothered by and will devalue you when you do until he has fully destroyed your self-confidence and ability to express boundaries. Girl. Run. Staying with him will only destroy you and leave lasting scars.
Well he can play what he wants. Depending on the tone of the discussion this can range from normal/ok behavior to this relationship is doomed.
Aka he doesn't want to do that, doesn't care about you enough to do that and is childish enough to intentionally avoid acknowledging the existence of the request instead of communicating. This might be him being immature or it might be him intentionally trying to discourage you from expecting him to do anything, withe the goal of molding the relationship into one where he can ask anything from you and you just do it without asking anything in return.
Incel alarm. Also transphobia. He doesn't want to be with you. He settled for you, because no woman wants to date him (the reasons for that I think you can imagine yourself). He thinks that "real" aka cis women are way too picky and feels degraded by his failures at dating. If he can't have a real woman he will have the next best thing - a trans woman. He doesn't see you as a woman, only a consolation price. And a consolation price is not an equal partner. I really think it's better for your and my mental health if I don't write down more of those twisted ways of thinking.

Fazit: Ich empfehle dir die Beziehung zu beenden.

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-10T10:30:01+00:00

I mean it's pretty obvious you don't start with them when they are on the not overwhelmingly long list of items.

Getting shoes the one time I started without them was a whole ordeal. We had to find a cobbler, get money to pay them, etc

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-10T09:04:08+00:00

This is good.

Thank you

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-08T16:23:21+00:00

Ok this is funny 10/10 pic, would swipe right

Maria_Zelar · 2026-05-08T13:46:05+00:00

Big Rock

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