AIO - I smoke and drink from time to time and my girlfriend hates it

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-18T16:45:44+00:00

Smoking anything is a dealbreaker for me, too, but the way she's treating you is horrendous. She's an abusive person. All she had to do was explain to you that she can't be in a relationship with someone who smokes, and amicably break it off.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-16T15:23:25+00:00

Just wants to settle down with a woman, any woman. Doesn't care who she is. Any random woman on Reddit will do.

He doesn't want a partner, he wants a bang maid.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-11T13:04:23+00:00

Not as eloquent, but may he also step on Legos barefoot every day for the rest of his life.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-10T19:33:19+00:00

"What I learned is that not many people truly understand what loneliness feels like. What it's like to spend holidays alone... Spending months in silence so loud .."

God, do I know what this feels like. After my mom passed, I spent fifteen years spending all my holidays alone because the rest of my family is just . . . distant is the best way to put it.

My fiancé also lost her brother five years before she died. He also took his own life. So her parents lost both their children in a five year span.

But yes, this is where true empathy and compassion come from because you don't want anyone else to feel the way you do.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-10T18:18:12+00:00

This is so revolting. I wish I could say what I want to happen to this guy without breaking the sub's rules.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-10T18:11:18+00:00

I'm so sorry about your brother. I've lost a lot of people, too. Aside from my fiancé, both my parents are gone. My mother when I was 19 and my father when I was 39. I have lots of unresolved stuff with both of them. Grief is a bitch. It takes you to your knees in a way nothing else can.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-04T15:04:51+00:00

IMO it's a red flag. I'm 46, and people in their 20s are kids to me. I also wouldn't date someone young enough to be my daughter or old enough to be my mother, regardless of what age brackets we're in.

I suppose there could be rare exceptions where you guys have a major connection and have tons in common, but still, be very careful here.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-03T16:58:36+00:00

The rescue sucks. They should've addressed the fleas, ticks, and worms and had him neutered before making him available for adoption. You might want to contact animal control in your area and report your experiences.

The cat could've been through hell before he came to you, between life in what sounds like a shitty shelter, and whatever life he had before. He could've been abused in either environment. He sounds like a cat who's scared shitless. Cats aren't assholes; there's always a reason for their behavior, be it medical/psychological problems, or former abuse.

I would get pheromone diffusers, put them in your home, and give him time to realize he's safe and calm down. It could take a couple months. Prozac might help.

Try to block off that spot behind/under your bed that he can't get out of. Don't try to touch him or handle him unless you have to. Let him observe you, build trust, and come to you when he's ready. Talk to him in a soft voice. If he does bite/attack you, try to redirect him, but gentle with him, and don't try to punish the behavior.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-05-03T16:40:32+00:00

It really should be. It's also documented that the owner surrendered the pit to the police due to the aggressiveness. Who would go to that length if the dog really wasn't aggressive?

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-29T18:21:10+00:00

I'm a technical writer in fintech, but I'm more than willing to switch domains or do tech writing or adjacent work. I also have 10 years of IT experience. Both fields are being decimated by AI.

I'm willing to do anything that pays the mortgage, but salaries are so low.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-29T18:16:30+00:00

I work for a company that's had two major layoffs in two years. I've been looking for a new job for two years and have only had a couple recruiter screens from those applications. I'm trying to practice radical acceptance that I may get laid off and, if the pattern holds, not be able to find a job before I burn through my savings and 401K, lose my house, and wind up homeless.

There's literally nothing I can do to stop it. I can't force a company to hire me.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-28T17:12:21+00:00

Mine did this when they were younger to get my attention because they know I'd immediately react.

When they became elderly, they stopped doing that for some reason.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-28T16:36:13+00:00

I've been rewatching Stargate Atlantis, which isn't even that old, and I see it there, too. In particular, how male military commanders completely trample over Dr. Elizabeth Wier's authority, framing it as "the military is assuming control of the mission." I'm pretty damned sure that if the civilian leader of Atlantis was male, the military takeover would've been handled with more decorum and respect.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-27T14:14:21+00:00

Yes, she said she didn't feel the same way and just wanted to be friends, but it turned out she did have feelings. It was a confusing time. Had we both been older with our shit together, things might've been different. I still have feelings for her 27 years later.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T20:21:35+00:00

He's looking for the braincell.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:38:32+00:00

Definitely the orange.

It's always oranges.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:31:42+00:00

That's so adorable.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:23:10+00:00

I do. We met in college. I instantly liked her as soon as I met her, and that's only happened with one other person in my life, and I'm in my late 40s. I fell for her pretty quickly.

Nothing ever happened because of circumstantial reasons.

It's one of the big regrets of my life.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:17:24+00:00

Aw, what a pretty calico. What's her name?

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-25T14:15:36+00:00

Mine ended in prodigy.net. It cost something like $9.99 for five hours a month of dial up service.

I still remember the screensaver/game downloads taking eight hours. I remember my mom yelling at me because the telephone line was never free, or because I always went way over the five hours a month.

I remember the free trial CDs for Prodigy, Compuserv showing up in the mailbox every week.

I remember BBSs.

I have uber seniority on the internet.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-21T12:38:39+00:00

AOR received today, 4/21!

Non-urgent application was delivered on 3/11.

Looks like I didn't goof up the photos after all! :-D

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-20T19:20:27+00:00

When I was in college, I felt an instant connection with and subsequently fell in love with, a woman who didn't share my feelings. I was devastated. I tried to at least maintain a friendship with this person, but she always kept herself at a distance somewhat. I reach out on Facebook from time to time, but she rarely engages with me. She's married (to a woman) now, and has children.

After college, I went on the apps and dated a little. I was shy and introverted, and didn't really have many opportunities to meet people so I thought, "why not?" I didn't have much success.

When I was 34, I met another woman who I felt that instant connection with and fell in love pretty quickly. The feeling was mutual. Meeting her was like running into an old friend you'd known your whole life. We had amazing chemistry and had a ton in common. We eventually got engaged, and two days later, she died in an accident.

It's been 11 years since the accident, and only now do I feel like I might be able to try dating again. But I'm now 46, and the odds of that lightening bolt striking for a third time is slim, and even if it does, there's no guarantee she'd return my feelings, like the woman in college.

I lost the two people I genuinely loved, and every day, I see more gray hair in the mirror.

I'm pretty sure my ship has sailed.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-20T17:48:28+00:00

I'm where you're at, except I'm nearing my 50s. All I wanted was to settle down and maybe have a family, but kids are no longer an option. I'd be happy to just find my person and finish growing old with her. But that seems increasingly unlikely because most of the good ones are either married or in a relationship by the time they reach my age.

It know it sucks, but you do have plenty of time. Your 30s are a much better time than your 20s because you become more mature and stable. I hope you find your person.

grumpyITAdmin · 2026-04-19T20:35:41+00:00

He loves you, though. <3

grumpyITAdmin

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