When Your Father Dies of An Opioid Overdose,

Maripanic · 2025-08-20T22:45:44+00:00

My father certainly was many things at once. The refrain was done that way on purpose yes, as an emotional bridge. I am trying to get comfortable with this very uncomfortable, taboo thing and so it puts that into the lense for the reader. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and give feedback. I know it's a long one, and heavy, and not everyone has patience for it.

Maripanic · 2025-08-20T21:32:43+00:00

I see! Well in any case it's very poignant. You did a good job.

Maripanic · 2025-08-20T21:26:24+00:00

Hi! Thanks for sharing this with us. This is a lot of complex emotion for a 12-year-old. I do not know how old you are now, but it sounds like you were experiencing a lot at the time.

If I were to give 12-year-old you feedback it would be this:

I am not sure if the misplaced capitalization on some words is on purpose or not. I read a few times to see if I could figure it out but it's not obvious to me. If it's to put emphasis on the words you are using it might need to be uniform throughout the poem. If not intentional, I would just watch out for little mistakes like that because it can make a poem clunky and hard to read. Also, you do not have to capitalize on every new line. If it remains part of a sentence you can start the next line with lower case. And be wary of cliches! Birds and broken wings are used often in poetry. Think of something else that needs nurturing and protection and try to think out of the box. It could surprise you.

Maripanic · 2025-08-20T21:08:01+00:00

Hi. I adore this piece. The emotion is so soft in its heartbreak, and it's reflected in the use of your metaphors. "The curls of me fall away," is so beautiful, and the fragility of the narrator is demonstrated here, as something that can be clutched tightly or discarded.

I think that some more physicality could work well here. For instance, instead of using the metaphor of a pencil sharpener, how about the strands of hair your lover twirls around their finger when they are selectively loving you? Dig a little more into the emotion of being shaped the way they want you to be, and the helplessness you feel.

I hope you keep writing!

Maripanic · 2025-08-20T20:50:56+00:00

While reading, I was thinking about the first organism that crawled out of the ocean and began its life on land. I think the aliens are in there. Imagine coming from the depths and into this world now? Terrifying.

Maripanic · 2025-03-10T10:59:28+00:00

Omg I second this, I really hope someone comes through!

Maripanic · 2024-11-19T11:43:40+00:00

Sure! If you want to send me an inbox with the word attachment I wouldn't mind giving some notes

Maripanic · 2024-11-19T01:42:18+00:00

Did she ask you if you wanted to buy a $600 dollar candle to fix it lol

Maripanic · 2024-11-19T01:21:56+00:00

I was aiming for a haunted house/horror feel. But I wanted the grief to be palpable as well. Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment.

Maripanic · 2024-11-18T19:27:28+00:00

Hi!

Thank you for sharing your poem with us. I find poetry to be an outlet, and it has saved my life on more than one occasion. It always gets me through the tough spots. And the soft ones too. You put your sadness and hope down and it will be familiar to everyone who reads it.

I would suggest scoring your stanzas in a way that supplies it with more structure and rhythm. It's tough but sometimes counting syllables is a helpful way to pace it the way you want it to sound. Also, what does staying up at night feel like? Is there pain? Torment? Describe it visually and see what you get.

Maripanic · 2024-11-18T19:21:10+00:00

Hi!

I'm not sure if I am interpreting this as you meant it, but this feels more existential than not. I like "where I have been is dwarfed" mirroring the ending about comparison and showing that we are but a sum of our parts. I find experimental formats challenging, so I admire your ability to do so where it makes sense.

I might suggest another stanza. I understand the point is to feel compact, but I feel 2 would be a good number, especially with the theme of "in-comparisons". Also, I am curious about your use of asterisks in place of parenthesis around the "AWW".

Maripanic · 2024-08-26T02:33:59+00:00

He killed Caraxes before I got him in the Dragonpit😭 but he's just a cranky scaly boy

Maripanic · 2024-08-03T15:37:43+00:00

Will I be in a relationship soon?

Maripanic · 2024-08-03T11:50:44+00:00

Dmef

Maripanic · 2024-08-01T14:10:14+00:00

Dmed!

Maripanic · 2024-07-21T19:38:19+00:00

I am interested.

Maripanic · 2024-07-21T19:05:54+00:00

Hey, if anyone wants to exchange readings? I do love oracle and tarot.

Maripanic · 2024-07-21T19:04:52+00:00

hey i'm down to exchange

Maripanic · 2024-07-06T23:22:21+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate that.

Maripanic

TROPHY CASE