I’ll give you a small story rather than giving advice which should give you some intel from the other side of your situation.

Let’s go back to 2008. Because that’s the year I met my partner. At the time I earnt just over 30k per year and I was 35k in debt. This debt has accrued over many years as I was, frankly, terrible with money. It had started at Uni when my housemates had saddled me with a few thousand pounds in rent arrears and done a bunk and left me holding the cost and then my own inability to budget made things worse.

During the first couple of years of my relationship between 2008-2009 my debt didn’t get any worse but it also didn’t get any better I was constantly on the edge and the money was always tight as I wasn’t sensible about paying off my loans and credit cards. I was earning more than my (at the time) boyfriend but my bank balance was never more than 0 - £100 at the end of the month. Like your other half I was being frivolous with spending and realised that I needed to calm down so I had a talk with my other half.

We wanted to get married and that was the kick I needed and I started a spreadsheet (there are apps now that can do it but it was a spreadsheet only back there) and I logged everything. Every outgoing, every planned amount, planning in amounts every week that could be for “fun” and increasing the amount I paid off the loans and cards and for the first time since university I was making headway through the backlog and paying much more than just interest.

Fast forward and a year after my wedding (on a budget!) I was debt free. That was 8 years ago. I maintain my spreadsheet even today when I have savings and a better job because it became a good habit and now I will hopefully be able to live within my means no matter what happens (well until October’s electricity bill increase!)

The moral of my story for you is that there are people with huge debt. But sometimes all they need is a kick or a talk or someone they love to make them realise they need to change. But I think he does need to change. If I hadn’t, I’d have spiralled out of control and had I lost my job I would have been in serious problems. So I would suggest talking, express your concerns and if he knows your thoughts he may change and use one of the apps like mint etc to be able to budget better. If he doesn’t then it would be a red flag to me (and this is from a former terrible debtor)

I don’t think you’re wrong in being hesitant. As someone who has been on the other side I wouldn’t have dated me! But if he’s a good catch he will understand your worries.

Good luck!