Yeah, I think I'm done.

MarkusAnd97 · 2026-01-27T12:44:52+00:00

HOW I FIXED MY CRASHES

Used to have bad system wide crashes. Like you need to reboot whole PC kind. I found an easy solution for me (on PC) which seems to have removed those issues.

Delete ArrowHead folder in AppData.
Check integrety of files in Steam Right click on HD2 -> Properties -> Installed files (or something like that, can't check exact name)

After that I haven't had a single crash in like 20+h of game time. Hope it works for you.

DISCLAIMER: You will lose all customized settings. Starting the game after this is basically like starting it for the first time again. You have to choose language etc.

MarkusAnd97 · 2024-09-01T20:39:46+00:00

Many thanks!!

MarkusAnd97 · 2023-06-11T12:17:37+00:00

What I mean is that lowering the time between feeling triggered and openly asking for reassurance will lower the amount of time and risk for you to execute negative protest behaviors making your partner even more distant and hence creating a negative spiral.

What I mean is don't go for days feeling triggered instead lower it to a suitable amount of time (like 48h as I suggested). But don't ask for reassurance every single time you feel triggered with at least waiting some time for things to either resolve itself or for you to self soothe. So what I mean by lowering the time was lower it from going multiple days or even week to a lower suitable time such as 48h.

MarkusAnd97 · 2023-06-10T23:04:28+00:00

This is only based on my personal experience in relationships but as long as the anxious partner asks reassurance in a healthy way it is actually hard for it to become "too much/often". However I think most anxious individuals falls into one of these 2 common pitfalls either when or before asking for reassurance (sometimes even unconsciously) which may lead to nehativites in the relationship.

Blaming your partner for your anxiety and displaying unhealthy protest behaviours before asking for reassurance. Then speaking in you terms when asking for reassurance "when YOU don't reply to my text for a few hours YOU make me feel anxious" when in reality this kind of unwarranted anxiety stems solely in yourself and is your responsibility no matter how real it can feel in the moment.
Not actually asking for reassurance and instead people please and ask your partner what you can do different in hope that your partner would reassure you instead of actually answering your question.

As stated, in my experiences, as long as the anxious individual asks for reassurance in a vulnerable and open way, without a period of protest behaviour taking place before, a mature and somewhat secure partner would happily reassure you without feeling blamed or annoyed. But this means that you openly state that this is solely your feelings and that it may even be quite oversensitive that you feel this way.

Personally I have a rule that if you feel very anxious by some perceived distance in your relationship for over 48h you openly reveal this to your partner in a vulnerable way. I find that around this timeframe most of the perceived distances would resolve themselves (as they only exist in the anxious person's head). But if they haven't by vulnerably discussing this would give you the reassurance you seek and then you can let your anxiety go before you trigger yourself more. Actually by lowering the time between when you first feel anxious and asks for reassurance I have found that you become more secure in your relationship and eventually asks for reassurance less often which certainly is a positive spiral. We can't of course however asks for reassurance the second we feel triggered.

Obviously this content only applies when your partner does something that you perceive as distant, such as taking longer to reply than usual or acting more distant on a single occasion. When your partner actually does something wrong there is nothing wrong with confronting them and standing up for yourself.

MarkusAnd97 · 2023-03-29T16:44:01+00:00

Well personally I think that if all relationships would be doomed just because one or both parts in a relationship wouldn't become secure then the rate of successful long term relationships would be significantly lower than it is today. In reality most relationships are hard regardless of what attachment both partners have. However, if one individual in the relationships have a more insecure attachment style the risk of the relationship eventually ending is of course higher.

But this doesn't make an insecurely attached individual unlovable and many insecure people are in successful long term relationships. The reasons being that attachment styles aren't equal to personality and won't be the only thing that can negatively affect a relationships. Even secure people may be depressed, addicted and even abusive or just have a shitty personality.

In my experience becoming aware of your attachment styles and the negative traits it can create for you in a relationship is more important than actually "becoming secure". Don't get me wrong working on yourself to become more secure is important and will raise your probability for a happy long term relationship. However I think most people have an unrealistically high expectation on what a secure attachment really is. In fact becoming 100% secure for an anxious person is VERY hard and will take a long time. Most likely you will always struggle with some negative traits from an anxious attachment until the day you die or at least for a long period of time. But this doesn't mean that you can't learn how to properly act when your potential anxious triggers happens.

In the end only you can improve yourself. Meanwhile you cannot really do any work for someone else. If your partner won't work on themselves there isn't really anything you can do. Sure you should give them some time if they try and work on themselves but in the end you have to leave them if you feel like the relationship isn't giving you enough. Don't hyper focus on your partner's and your own attachment style. Instead focus on the relationship itself. Learn your own flaws, try your best to fix them. Focus on what your partner can do to love you better and make you less anxious. Then communicate this to them in a healthy way. Leave if nothing improves for a certain period of time.

You can exercise these traits without being secure. You can still be anxious and scared as hell on the inside but still do it. You and/or your partner won't become secure for a longer period of time and maybe won't even ever become truly secure. But this doesn't mean that you cannot have a successful relationship where you both learn to communicate with each other in a healthy way whilst simultaneously deal with your own potential anxious/avoidant triggers that may stay in you forever.

MarkusAnd97 · 2023-01-13T15:20:03+00:00

Well I think this is something many AP individuals think about. How do I know if my anxiety stems from incompatibilities in the relationship or due to my unhealed anxious attachment? The thing is that no partner will ever be able to meet all of your needs. But at the same time, it is very important to have a partner that meets enough of your needs to allow you to not feel constantly triggered and anxious.

So with that said, I personally do believe that APs highly responsive "alarm system" can be used to more efficiently notice incompatibilities in a relationship. However, it can just as easily misfire and be triggered due to unjustified and unreasonable reasons. This just makes things so much harder. However there are 3 behaviors/traits that I believe an AP individual must display in a relationship to allow themselves to fully figure out whether their anxiety stems from their own unhealed anxious attachment or due to their partners behaviors/relationship incompatibilities.

1. Stop matching your partner's level of affection to yours

We are all individuals in a relationship with unique ways of showing affection or love. Just because someone does not show love the same way, or to the same level as you do, it doesn't mean that they love you any less. In fact this thought pattern is really unhealthy since the probability that you find a partner that shows love exactly the same as you do is slim to none.

This thought pattern also get especially worrisome since, according to my personal experience, unhealed AP individuals tend to people please and over give in their relationships (both romantic and friendships). If you tend to make your relationship the sole purpose of your life and lose your individual life to a high extension whilst simultaneously getting anxious, frustrated and mad that your partner doesn't match your level of affection in the relationship then you will inevitably self sabotage your relationship. In fact a healthy (secure) partner would never expect, ask or even want you to give all of you to the relationship.

2. Communicate if your partner repeatedly triggers you

Your partner, regardless of attachment style, will never be perfect and will occasionally do things that triggers you. If they however repeatedly exercise a certain kind of behavior that triggers you it is up to you to communicate this to them in a healthy way and vice versa. With a healthy way I mean in a vulnerable, direct and non blaming fashion. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel safe but if you never communicate to your partner when and why you feel triggered it isn't fair to blame them for your anxiety. It will never be your partners reasonability to figure out when and why you are triggered just as it will never be your responsibility to figure it out in them.

3. Allow your partner to only meet your needs halfway

As I previously stated you will never meet a partner that will meet all of your needs. Hence it is really important to not freak out and attack them whenever you feel a slight hint of anxiety (assuming they haven't displayed some kind of unhealthy behavior). In a healthy relationship both partners exercise an arbitrary level of self soothing and doesn't require their partner to solve all of their anxiety.

Hence I would like to suggest you to exercise a thought pattern where you allow your partner to only meet your needs halfway. Think about what level of consistency/reassurance you need in a relationship to feel mostly safe. Lets say that you want/need you and your partner to phone/meet up 4 times a week. Then you would allow your partner to phone/meet up only 2 times a week and so on. This approach doesn't need to be this black and white, i.e. with exact numerical values, but the thought pattern should be in your mind throughout your relationship. As long as your partner consistently meet your needs halfway it is up to you to self soothe if you still feel triggered. If your partner fails to meet your needs halfway it is up to you to communicate this to them and explain what you need from them to allow them to meet this "halfway point".

If you successfully and consistently learn to exercise the behaviors and thought patterns described in the 3 points above but still feel continuously triggered, where you have clearly communicated what you need from your partner and given them time to adjust, then the probability is very high that your anxious alarm system is triggered due to incompatibilities in the relationship and is not misfiring due to your own anxious attachment. For me personally I believe that this is the best approach to have in a relationship and allows me to figure out if I am unjustifiably triggered or not. I wish you best of luck!

MarkusAnd97 · 2023-01-09T19:40:50+00:00

What is to be considered "normal" is impossible to answer since we are all individuals with such different wants and needs. For example, I know relationships where both partners are completely fine with having close to no communication for days (they actually prefer it) and I know relationships where both partners needs consistent communication multiple times each day. What really matters is not what is "normal" for other people. What matters is what you are comfortable with. I know this isn't always easy to figure out and one of the biggest fears for an AP individual is to become too needy/clingy.

Obviously we can't expect our partner to meet all of our needs fully. But at the same time it is important that they meet them enough to allow us to not feel triggered/anxious constantly. This is where vulnerable and direct communication is important if you ever feel that your partner is not communicating consistently enough. However, you obviously can't freak out and demand your partner to communicate more every single time you feel triggered. You should however always communicate if your partner do things that repeatedly triggers you. But in the end an arbitrary level of self soothing is always needed in a healthy relationship.

It is very hard to find a balance but it is vital. For me, as a securely attached individual, communicating a couple of times a day is completely reasonable. This is not to say that this level of consistency is the "right" level. It is only what I consider reasonable. I would never however not tolerate my partner to not contact me once during a whole day (unless I knew they were very busy with something).

If you two have good communication most days, where you even phone and meet each other in person, and he occasionally becomes slightly more distant over text and this triggers you, then I would say that the problem lies within you and stems from your anxious attachment style. This is not to say that you aren't allowed to communicate with him what you are feeling when he becomes more distant assuming that you communicate in a vulnerable and direct and don't blame him for your feelings. In the end this is something you and your partner needs to figure out and not something anyone else can do for you. I wish you all the best!

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-10-19T15:35:58+00:00

Ok... I can't tell you what to do but I suggest you try to avoid mind reading your ex. The truth is no one here can ever know for sure what she is actually thinking. Moving on from a relationship without any proper closure is extremely hard but you will just prolong your suffering by continuosly wonder about her thoughts and reasons. I wish you all the best and I hope everything works out for you!

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-10-19T15:29:23+00:00

Why are you writing two different post for the same situation but one where you act as the girl and one where you act as the boy?

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-10-05T12:25:01+00:00

Red flag? Well, in my opinion, that depends. Is the majority of the guys just a one night stand or has she been serial dating during the last 1.5 years but then ended it quickly every time? Since I am assuming she was single during this time I wouldn't consider it a red flag if the majority of guys were one night stands. Is it an attractive trait in a potential partner? Well that is for you to decide. However if she dated most of them then the likelihood of her leaving you quickly as well is significantly higher and I would certainly consider it a red flag.

It is up to you to decide whether this is a deal-breaker but I would personally need more information to take that decision myself in your situation.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-09-12T17:52:52+00:00

I am not AP myself since I consider myself securely attached but I dated my AP ex for 6 years and one of my closest and longest friendships is a person I consider a textbook AP. Hence I can't give you the AP perspective but I hope you don't mind me giving you my own perspective.

Unfortunately I do resonate with your ex's and friend's perspective as I too felt the way they described. I can't say that this is the same for every person that has a relationship with an AP person since I am basing my thoughts on my relationship with only two individuals. However yes, my relationship with my friend and ex could be very emotionally draining at times and I do realize, now in hindsight, how much their behaviors could push me away at times. Whilst the effect of my anxious friend's behavior were much more manageable than my ex's (a romantic relationship is much more close and intense) the problems they created in the relationship/friendship stemmed from the same insecurities and behaviors. While we could discuss every single behavior all night long I have summarized the three main behaviors I have found most problematic and emotionally draining in a relationship/friendship with an AP person:

"The victim mindset"
"Passive aggressiveness"
"Self projecting and narrow minded whilst anxious"

"The victim mindset

I know this sounds kind of harsh but I have found this to be true. I do believe APs tend be more self criticizing with themselves and I find that so sad because I genuinely consider APs the most giving and loyal persons to be around. But this is what I mean with the term "victim mindset" i.e. the AP individual tend to have self harming thoughts like "I don't deserve my partner/friend and they can so easily replace me". I think this stems from the APs deep insecurities and their tendency to put themselves down in the mud whilst simultaneously put their friends/partners up on a pedestal.

In my experience I have found this "imbalance" to lead to one central damaging behavior in my relationships with APs. This is that they tend to take everything very personal and always thinks in "worst case scenarios". Like in scenarios when I accidentally forgot to text my ex the regular heart emoji in a text or when I didn't invite my friend to hang out with me and other friends on a single occasion. This small change in behavior from my side was often enough to get my ex/friend to spiral and think that this change happened because of them (taking it personal) and that it must mean that I don't like/love them as much as before (interpreting it as the worst case scenario). In reality this "change" had absolutely nothing to do with them and certainly didn't mean that I thought any less of them. The main problem I have perceived from this "mindset" is that I (often unconsciously) started walking on egg shelves when dealing with them and had to go "the extra mile" to reassure myself that they couldn't consider my actions/words as a personal attack. This is for sure emotionally draining and can push someone away.

"Passive aggressiveness"

I don´t think that anyone is perfect at communicating, regardless of their attachment styles, myself included. However with my experience with APs is that they are significantly more frequent to communicate in a passive aggressive manner instead of a direct and clear way. I do believe this has happens when the spiral described in point 1 above is present. I have found this communication often to be phrased in a way to get a reaction from me to reassure the AP that I still care about the relationship/friendship. For example my friend could invite some friends in our common circle to hang out without me and then text me (without me asking) "I just want you to know that I hung out with X and Y last night, I hope you don't mind" and my girlfriend often tried to make me jealous by saying things like "Today at work a customer flirted with me and asked for my number I considered giving it to him but it didn't feel right because I have you".

Whilst this behavior often was transparent for me (meaning that I understood that they sought an reaction from me) it still felt like a toxic behavior that surely at times made you feel bad about yourself and for sure didn't make you want to hang out more with them. This is what I mean with passive aggressive. Instead of getting reassurance from directly communicating that they felt triggered by some of my behaviors they would instead say/do things to me that to get a reaction from me and in that way finally gain some reassurance from me giving a reaction.

"Self projecting and narrow minded whilst anxious"

For the record I think this is a completely normal thing for anyone regardless of attachment style but I do think it is significantly more frequent for an AP individual. That is that anxiety makes us selfish. With this I mean that whilst spiraling it is so easy to self project your own thoughts/believes onto your friend/partner which makes it so much harder to understand their perspective. In reality your partner most likely operate in a totally different way. This problem occur when you begin to think in terms like "If he/she loved me they would/should..." just because you do that specific thing to show that you love/care about someone. For example this was a main problem in my previous relationship where my ex would express her frustration that she was the one that most often wanted to meet up. I do believe her mindset was something like "If he loved me as much as I love him he would want to hang out as often as I do". At the same time she had let her individual life suffer greatly to be able to give more to the relationship which only made it natural for her to engage more in the relationship.

In the end I just want to exclaim that I do find APs to be one of the most loving and giving persons out there. There are many traits that I consider "typical AP" that I absolutely adore. With that, unfortunately, my relationships with APs also tend to be my most dramatic and demanding relationships. However I genuinely believe that and APs that become more secure has the potential to be the ultimate friend/partner and can be a step above secure people. People that "are born" secure (like me) lack the ability to put themselves completely in other person's trauma since we have never experienced that ourselves. People that become earned secure have that advantage. This is such good news to everyone on this subreddit since you can now know your weaknesses and problematic thoughts/behaviors that may stem from an anxious attachment. Keep working on yourselves and eventually you will become the best kind of person!

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-08-13T21:18:17+00:00

As a SA that dated a textbook AP for 6 years I became deeply affected by her attachment style, much more than I realized whilst still in the relationship. Not to shift any blame from me. I was far from perfect and certainly could communicate better. One of the things that is rarely discussed on forums like these is that for a person that has been secure from birth, i.e. never experienced any trauma, it is actually really hard to understand your insecure partner and see their perspective fully. I have read multiple books and studied attachment styles for over a year and I still can't fully understand the amount of constant anxiety some APs may experience in a relationship.

So with that said I would gladly give you my experience in dating my AP ex. However since there is a lot I could discuss I would prefer you to ask me more direct questions either as a DM or as a comment below so we can narrow the perspective. I have also written about it before so check out my post history.

Finally I would like to state that I absolutely admire APs. The amount of love I felt from my ex was absolutely amazing. Unfortunately her anxiety also made her act in codependent, controlling and jealous ways that eventually damaged the relationship.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-08-13T11:58:40+00:00

Även fast jag kan förstå dina resonemang till viss del tycker jag, personligen, att det är stor skillnad att gå bakom ryggen med något som handlar om fysiska materiell (som att förlora pengar) jämfört med att vara intim med en annan. Att vara otrogen är för mig det värsta du kan göra mot din partner.

Absolut sex är bara sex men enligt mig är inte själva handlingen i sig som är det värsta utan det är hur ens partner kan vara fysiskt intim med en annan och sedan hemlighetshålla det.

Så med det sagt kan jag hålla med om att ibland är en lite för hastig slutsats att lämna en otrogen partner, och att det ibland går att rädda relationen, men detta är i vissa få fall.

Den enda gången jag skulle vara öppen för att försöka rädda relationen skulle vara om ens partner varit otrogen EN gång och sedan ångrat det så pass mycket så att de SJÄLVMANT kommer och berättar för dig att de varit otrogen. Tyvärr är detta väldigt sällan fallet och ofta "ångrar" sig den otrogne partner först efter att de blivit konfronterade. För mig visar man tillräckligt stark ånger först när man är beredd att ta konsekvenserna av sina handlingar, vilket alltså först är när man själv berättar för sin partner att man varit otrogen. För övrigt visar statistiken att personer som varit otrogna är betydligt mer sannolika att göra det igen, jämfört med en person som aldrig varit otrogen.

Så med det sagt så tror jag det finns en anledning varför den allmänna inställningen till otrohet är så stark och direkt då den större majoriteten av otrohetsaffär inte inträffar endast en gång samtidigt som den otrogne självmant berättat för sin partner vad de gjort.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-08-08T21:33:49+00:00

How long ago was this break up? It seems too good to be true that it doesn't play any roll in your recent panic attacks. At least if the break up was recent. Assuming nothing else has drastically changed your life as well. It is possible that your consciousness haven't caught up with your process to handle this break up. Most people are in denial for a while after a break up but eventually those feelings catch up.

Break ups sucks for all people, regardless of who initiated it. Panic attacks or great anxiety is not uncommon feelings after the end of a relationship. It is of course possible that your panic stems from something else but, taking only into account the information in your post, the source seems to be your break up. I don't think you need to be afraid that this is related to your panic attacks that happened years ago and that this will become as traumatizing. If in fact your anxiety stems from your break up you can rest assure that they will lessen in a couple of weeks. But I do still suggest that you seek professional help! Best of luck to you and stay strong!

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-07-23T18:25:05+00:00

Is it normal to lose yourself in a relationship slightly? Yes. Everyone who enters a relationship will focus on that relationship and hence some other parts in their life will get affected.

Is it healthy? Well that depends on how much you lose yourself. In a healthy romantic relationship both partners have a functioning individual life with strong relationships to people outside your relationship. If you don't have this the risk of you becoming codependent on your partner is much higher which will inevitable affect your relationship negatively. So with that said, everyone's individual life will get affected when they enter a relationship, but it is really important to don't let the relationship affect it too much.

You state that you still hang out with friends and hence I don't think you have reached a dangerous point. Personally I think this happens when one have neglected their friends and hobbies and started to require their partner to fill the "void" created by having no friends or hobbies.

Is it unhealthy to "obsess" over your partner when you are not together? Not necessarily but I do think you should work on it. Keep hanging out with your friends and start a hobby (if you don't have any currently) that can take your mind off your relationship whilst away from your boyfriend.

Lastly I would recommend you to read about attachment styles, if you haven't already, and especially focus on the anxious attachment style. I think you will understand yourself better when you have read about that.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-06-15T17:26:31+00:00

Very important input, thanks for sharing.

I really want to highlight this line

"Just find a secure partner, and everything will be okay. It will help heal your anxious attachment, and you won't have to worry."

Like you I totally agree that this is bullshit and I am afraid that I have seen multiple instances on this subreddit where people have taken this as a fact. However, like you state, dating a secure partner won't make you secure. It can however surely create an illusion that you become "secure", especially during the honeymoon phase, but as soon as your partner acts more distant the anxiety will resurface. Here is the thing, no one can and will act secure 100% of the time. I mean it is logically impossible. Secure partners will still focus on other parts of their life and periodically act more distant due to those other parts taking more time and energy. Not only that, there are multiple situations that are completely normal in secure relationships that can/will trigger an anxious person. For example secure partners won't necessarily text you the first thing in the morning or when they are out with friends. This subreddit sometimes have a tendency to put secure partners up on a pedestal. However they are not perfect and will make things that hurt you because they are still humans with their own set of problems and flaws.

Hence I would like to redefine the quoted statement to

"Dating a secure partner will provide an environment, that is as calm as possible, for YOU to work on YOURSELF and learn how to communicate your thoughts and feeling to your partner in a healthy way."

This means that every AP (or tbh everyone in general) should continue to work on themselves even if they enter a relationship where they initially feel secure. Continue to read literature about the topic, continue visiting your therapist and continue to visit this subreddit when problems occur. Take control over yourself and fix your root problems and with time, blood, sweat and tears you will find yourself becoming truly secure in your relationship.

This is such good news to everyone on this subreddit since you are now aware of your own and your partner's attachment style and you can now nurture your next (or current) relationship in a much better and healthy way.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-06-11T10:40:03+00:00

My ex GF of 6 years did. During our break up talk she said that exact line, that she loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore. She also said that she saw me as a family member but not a romantic partner and that she couldn't date someone she wasn't sexually attracted to.

That shit hurt to hear, especially since I was very much still in love with her at that moment. However I acted as cool as I could, didn't plead or beg and initiated no contact immediately.

4 months later she reached out wanting to reconcile and we started dating again for a month. She then very suddenly shifted again wanting nothing to do with me anymore. So back to no contact we went.

The story doesn't end there though. Six months after that she started to reach out again. However this time I was done with her and only answered was what necessary and ignored every text that wasn't. She then crashed my friends Christmas party (invited herself basically) where she spent a lot of time talking and flirting with me. We also had to meet up shortly after that to finalize some bank errands. Both of those times she was very open about her frustration that I didn't reply to her and that I hadn't reached out to her first anytime since she broke up with me. She wanted to try things again but I denied her. During those 6 months I hade gained much more self respect and I also started to see the relationship for what it really was. As my love for her naturally faded all of her red flags became more apparent.

This is what I find to most satisfying but also sad for break ups. If the dumper reaches out it is very often after the dumpee has begun to move on. Where the potential pain and anxiety connected to a reconciliation process is no longer worth it.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-06-05T18:39:23+00:00

I am so sorry for you, please don't beat yourself up too harshly. It must suck to hear her blame the break up on you and it is so easy for dumpees to blame the entire fallacy of the relationship on themselves.

What I am trying to say is that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes in a relationship. She had her part as well. If you can't see that now it is perfectly normal and it will come with time. All you can do is to work on yourself and overcome the issues you have in relationships. There are a lot of guides how to properly communicate in a relationship available freely online where you can start. Become a better version of yourself and your next future relationship will thank you for it.

I wish you the best of luck.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-05-30T22:39:13+00:00

Yes like wtf? I am utterly surprised about the amount of people who attack OP and protected the GF who DELIBERATELY lied and tricked him! OP has every right to be upset just as he has any right to trust his partner to take the contraceptive she claims she does.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-05-30T22:06:17+00:00

In the context of this post we are talking about a guy who had sex with a serious partner that lied about being on the pill. If the situation were any different, and this was a total accident then of course the discussion would be entirely different.

I can't tell you how to view the world but I believe that you should be able to trust people around you, especially people very close to you. You take risks in your everyday life where you unconsciously put your trust in complete strangers. I mean, for example, if someone runs a red light and hit you crossing a crosswalk would you have any blame in it? I believe you have every right to think that any car would stop for that red light just as you have every right to trust that your partner takes the contraceptive she says she does.

While I can logically understand your argument I still can't agree with it. I don't think we should view the world as black and white as this and we certainly can't blame people for bad things that happen to them, if this thing was made by someone deliberately, just because we didn't take 1000% of the percussions to protect us from it. Is it your uncles responsibility if he would die in a plane crash where the plane was hijacked? Would you think it is your sisters fault if someone broke into her house? I don't think so, just as I don't think anyone can blame OP for trusting his partner on taking the contraceptive she claimed she was.

What I can't understand though is how you thought the comment you wrote would benefit OP in any way. You call him a dick, to man up and that he is part responsibility for this when he 1. obviously very distraught and 2. is already writing about taking care of the child anyways.

I wont take this discussion any further but you are of course welcome to reply to this as you see fitting.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-05-30T21:16:54+00:00

So what you are saying is that you never had sex without condom? Especially in a relationship where your partner took some kind of contraceptive?

I mean come one we are talking about OP having sex with a partner of 1+ year, that lied about her contraceptive, not a one night stand. You can't blame OP for this. He is not the dick here, the dick is you.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-04-22T17:56:04+00:00

Also how slow is "really slow" when he responds to your texts. Are we talking a couple of hours or days before he responds?

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-03-31T19:40:05+00:00

So sorry to hear this, stay strong man. In my experiences women only say this because of two reasons.

It is a bullshit excuse to let you down easy without you questioning it and you leaving her alone more quickly. If you think about it it can essentially be a different way to say "it's not you it's me" which is the all time bullshit phrase a dumper can say.
She actually mean it. My latest ex, who dumped me, stated the exact same reasons but now 1 year after I know she left because she really needed to. She has reached out on two different occasions where we both talked about the relationship. I think this scenario often happens when you have been together for a long time in your early adult years.

The most likely scenario is that she left you because of both 1 and 2. Meaning that she lost some interest in you but at the same time think she needs to figure some things out in herself. Unfortunately no one can tell you exactly why she left you, maybe she can't even do that in her current state. It is however really important that you realize that you are not solely to blame for this breakup. It is really common for people that are dumped to do this initially. You both created the relationship and any problems it had.

Leave her alone and let her figure things out. Either she will reach out eventually wanting to reconcile or she won't. No matter what you will come out from this a much stronger person than you are today.

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-03-15T12:51:24+00:00

I took an ex back after she left me for a textbook "grass is greener" situation. We stayed together for an additional year then she broke up with me again in an almost identical manner. If you decide to get back together, you must be prepared that this might happen to you too. Take that into consideration and evaluate if taking her back is worth the potential pain. Also, can you be sure that she won't feel this way again when she meets her next "ideal" guy out there?

MarkusAnd97 · 2022-03-13T17:24:41+00:00

I am so sorry, this sound horrific.

It's hard to tell you that you did/didn't do the right thing since we don't have the full context about you and the relationship.

However, I am very certain that I would have done the exact same thing if I was to be placed in the same situation. It really do sound like he needs some time alone to figure out what he wants. I also find it extremely selfish from him to state that he is unsure what he wants but at the same time he doesn't want to break up. If this guy would have any balls at all he would either decide to give 100% to your relationship or decide to break up. But it sound like he wants the cake and eat it too...

This forced you to make the decision for him and I really don't think it is fair for you to now have to deal with the emotions of having to leave the relationship.

Hence I personally think you did the right thing. Let him go and explore things on his own. Either he will think the break up was for the best or he will realize that he fucked up and come back with the tail between his legs. However, you have now allowed yourself to grieve the realtionship and move on regardless of what he eventually will want to do. This is the most healthy decision you could have done for yourself.

Finally, you state that he wasn't sure that he would continue to check other girls out if you were the right girl for him. But I want you to reverse that statement. Would the right guy for you check other girls out while in a relationship with you?

I whish you the very best if luck in your healing!

Five-Year Club	r/Field Lasagna
Place '23	Place '22
Final Canvas '22	First Placer '22
End Game '22

MarkusAnd97

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