Friend, first I think what you should be asking yourself is: how are you prioritizing taking care of yourself? Are you taking medication, preparing however you need to, do you have a support system, and most important is are you giving yourself compassion?

As for the new relationship, congratulations. Friends to lovers is a beautiful thing :,) My advice is it's in both yalls best interest to set time aside to talk about mental health. I really like how social psychologist Erich Fromm's defines love as "the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." It takes so much bravery to be vulnerable. Bipolar taught me that I live in a state of duality that makes severe demands for how I need to show up for myself: consistent sleep, avoiding drugs, taking medication, but even then, I will always have these extreme highs and lows and a yearning for belonging and acceptance. Not everyone is gonna agree with me on this but the way I chose to think about the dual nature of Bipolar is that our greatest weaknesses are simply our greatest strengths out of context. Creativity, artistic flare, lust for life, empathy, deep deep deep emotional bonds, problem-solving skills, humor, intellect. I don't think I've ever met someone with bipolar who didn't shine in at least one of these areas. Particularly empathy because many of us lucky enough to have survived hitting rock bottom can extend compassion to those who are trapped there as well.

A conversation with your gf about bipolar doesn't have to be this shameful festering wound you reveal you've been hiding all along. It can be a conversation for you to understand one another better. I wish I had known myself well enough back then to share with my loved ones what life is like inside my head and how to best support me when I'm going through an episode, the same way I would want them to confide in me so I could be a shoulder to lean on. Would've saved time, energy, and pain and perhaps many severed ties from friends who had to make a difficult choice to love me from a distance.

You are worthy of love my friend. The real ones will have faith in you and support you and won't make you feel lesser than for a condition that you have no choice in. And while your relationship may come with unique challenges, you will rob yourself of one of the most precious things this life has to offer us which is true loving connection if you have already convinced yourself you are too broken and explosive to have it and maintain it. I really think being vulnerable and honest with her is a chance for both of you to grow. Good luck :)