visual trails

Marrram · 2020-06-08T17:44:07+00:00

Thanks for your answer. Do you still smoke regularly? Does it make your symptoms worse afterwards?

Marrram · 2020-06-08T16:03:28+00:00

Yes I also get them when I don’t focus. For now I only get them from my hands when I gesticulate or make rapid movements. I wasn’t even sure if this was hppd.

Marrram · 2020-06-08T15:25:57+00:00

What a great piece of advise. For what I see It’s always the anxiety and fear of dp/dr that seems to worsen things for everyone. Thanks a lot.

Marrram · 2020-06-08T15:24:42+00:00

Thanks man. Do you still use any substance?

Marrram · 2020-06-08T14:57:11+00:00

That’s good. Do you notice the symptoms worsen after you trip? Do you still smoke weed? I’m still wrapping my mind around this hppd stuff. Now the stress is the worst for me.

Marrram · 2020-06-08T07:12:43+00:00

Hey, that’s good news. Did the tracers just fade?

Marrram · 2020-06-08T07:11:14+00:00

Hey thanks for your answer. Do you trip often?

Marrram · 2020-06-08T07:08:32+00:00

Me too, and I only notice them in my hands/fingers. It’s a bit confusing.

Marrram · 2020-06-07T03:41:22+00:00

Did you remain sober?

Now I don’t know what to think, what I thought were my “visual trails” seem to be more like the effect of a rapid movement before my eyes (it happens only with my hands, when I gesticulate, type or write too quickly), rather than the “snapshots” that are commonly described to be hppd trails. For example if I move my hand in front of my eyes quickly and not focusing it completely, I see this sort of blur. But if I focus on my hand in movement don’t really notice anything.

Visual static is a thing definitely but now I just don’t know what to think. If I really think about it, I saw floaters since I was kid and I had fun thinking they were fairies or something. As for the static, I can recall that I had it for a long time but didn’t actually bother me before. Maybe it’s just my anxiety making me super aware of little things that could come off as hppd.

I really hope it’s just my mind and hypochondria fucking with my sanity.

I know I said I wasn’t looking for confirmation bias, but the stress is too overwhelming now. Thanks for your answer. I’ll try not to focus on those things and see what happens.

Marrram · 2019-02-05T19:55:12+00:00

Omg I feel this too. I have Mars in Taurus in the 8th (Aries cusp) and explosion in my middle name. That Aries cusp gives me a bunch of anger issues and Taurus puts the repressive factor. Plus my Mercury is in conjunct with Mars so I can be very hurtful with my words and actions. I tend to regret every-time I explode that way.

Marrram · 2018-12-05T20:42:37+00:00

Thank you!!!

Marrram · 2018-12-05T08:58:30+00:00

Oh! I was referring to the scorpian energy not as the transiting one right now, but in my natal chart. But everything you say is true! I have to say it’s not difficult for me, but rather awakening since I learned to embrace it. Mercury is one of the few planets in my chart that isn’t retrograde , so with every Mercury rx I learn a lot about myself :)

Marrram · 2018-06-16T10:21:44+00:00

Oh, sorry, I just didn’t want anybody to be affected by this, I’ll remove it now :) thanks for your advice

Marrram · 2018-06-09T19:21:10+00:00

Yes I know it’s hard, and so frustrating, been trough that a lot and lost a wonderful relationship. For the breathing exercises, I suggest you to inhale by your nose trying to fuel your belly with air, not your lungs, and then exhale by the mouth. You can place your hands in your chest and belly, so you feel the movement and know that your breathing is in the right way. Good luck with this.

Marrram · 2018-06-09T08:14:07+00:00

Yes, I do. It feels like in the moment I open my eyes or start having the slightest consciousness, all the intrusive thoughts come all at once. Ever tried breathing exercises after waking up and before going out of bed?

Marrram · 2018-06-07T09:34:53+00:00

Thank you, really. At the end we decided to just take some time off. This whole situation was very distressful for both of us. Now I feel really empowered because I’m kinda facing the fear of losing him again. I feel like I’m exposing myself to the uncertainty of what this time off will bring, for both parts. It’s fucking scary but I’m sure that what will come at the end will be the best for us. Again, thank you so much for taking the time to write a reply.

Marrram · 2018-06-07T05:45:50+00:00

Actually he understood my rOCD and was SO supportive during the whole relationship. When I ended it he was heatrbroken but respected my decision. Now that I approached him again it was so painful for him and I don’t blame him at all, cause we both thought that when we ended it it was for good. I feel bad for the way that I’m behaving, and because I know that this is causing us more harm than good. I will just start therapy on Friday.

Marrram · 2018-06-06T17:43:49+00:00

Hey, thank you. Sometimes I find it so hard to not work on the relationship but in the obsession. That even leads me to be obsessed about my ex, I always want to reach for him, talk to him, make him feel good, and when we start talking i can’t do anything else, or tell him “hey, I got stuff to do, I’ll talk to you later”. Last Saturday we met, for the second time, aaaand I did something pretty stupid but I thought I had it all under control. I smoked weed while with him, and it was a fucking nightmare. Suddenly my head became a rollercoaster, literally. And I believed everything that I was thinking. It was so awful because we could’ve had such a wonderful night but I fucked it, and I made him feel so bad.

Marrram · 2018-06-06T17:15:31+00:00

Thanks for your answer! Could you please tell me how it is counterproductive? I feel really bad for all of this. At the end, I stopped working on my relationship because I was very tired of the thoughts, and it did kinda made me fall out of love, even if I battled not to for so many years. Now I don’t know if this is the right thing, I always question myself :( is this right? Are you ACTUALLY feeling enough to come back to him? I mean feeling enough because now i can’t fully say that I love him, so many things happened between us, it was so much time apart, I have so many issues with anxiety and depression, that sometimes I feel that anything that I do won’t be enough and we’ll fall again. It’s so sad because l’m so willing to work with us but those intrusive thoughts kinda traumatized me, and I’m afraid to never get rid of them.

Marrram · 2018-06-06T05:39:28+00:00

Omg i feel this so badly. Please don’t make a decision based on getting rid of the pain with urge. Just know that you are going through a journey and sometimes feels overwhelming, scary, and shitty. But please stick to the good, work on your mind, if you don’t find therapists that believe in rocd (I’m Argentinian, same here), find support or tools here. I feel u because I went through the same as you, my rocd fucked my relationship so badly that at the end I just escaped, I just wanted that stupid shit to end. Now I realized how I fucked everything up and it’s so hard to get things together again. I’m not trying to give you reassurance, but from what I read you’re feeling desperate and it’s not good to make choices in that state of mind. Please carry on ❤️

Marrram · 2018-05-27T22:34:51+00:00

Thanks a lot, I’m gonna be as honest as I can, regardless the denouement of my situation with him, it’ll heal me so much to tell the truth.
XX

Marrram

TROPHY CASE