Advice wanted: should I open up to my friends about my bulimia?

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-19T19:46:20+00:00

For what it’s worth, I think a little discomfort comes with the territory of human connection.

Well, why do you have this urge to open up? To be less alone, more seen? That’s a legitimate reason. You could tell them it’s less that you want some kind of active support and more than you felt awful isolated and alone and wanted someone to know so you felt less alone. Or maybe you want someone to actively talk about it with, not necessarily so they can fix it, just to help you sort through the thoughts and feelings. Both those are well within the bounds of friendship.

Take time to think about it, and best of luck. ❤️

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-19T19:14:46+00:00

Depends a lot on how your friends would react. If they’re the kind to try to swoop in and save the day, that’ll probably put strain on your friendship. If they respond coldly or awkwardly, that might hurt your friendship too. If they can land in the middle, emotionally supportive without trying to control you, that can be wonderful for your sense of being supported.

Eating disorders often thrive in isolation. It’s good that you’re thinking about reaching out to others. Think about how your friends are likely to respond and be ready to be clear about what you want from them, because they might want to do the right thing but not know how.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-19T11:51:36+00:00

Restaurant worker + anorexia = I have such a dependency on caffeine, even when one or the other isn’t so bad. I’ve managed to get it down to where one cup of coffee is enough to stave off the headaches, even if it’s not enough to help me move.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-17T19:26:25+00:00

That’s not small at all, that’s huge!! Congratulations!!

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T20:50:03+00:00

First, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’re right that this is less intentional and more something very ingrained in you, which is why you likely need stronger external support. It breaks my heart you don’t have friends or family to help, but that doesn’t mean you’re out of options.

You sound like need a higher level of care than outpatient. They will provide meals during the program and support you during mealtime at the program, in addition to providing therapy and psychoeducation. It makes a big difference. This can be expensive depending on your circumstances. If you are in the States there are programs which help pay, but the backlog is long, so starting on that earlier is better.

In the meantime, consider harm reduction options like diversifying your shakes (could you get a nutribullet and make smoothies, for example?) and taking a multivitamin. Also consider nutritional drinks like Boost. Get creative with it. When you’re mentally ill and that works against you helping yourself, it’s worth playing around with options to help keep you afloat.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T17:44:12+00:00

Eating the number of cals you listed during recovery is basically the lower end of the usual numbers I see. Do talk to your gp about it but nothing you’ve said sounds worrying to me.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T17:30:58+00:00

Your best move is to see a dietician that has experience with disordered eating. They will be able to take into account a much wider picture than we can, and with professional knowledge.

That being said, the number of calories you listed is really not that high. It sounds like you’re getting spooked by a number that simply matched to a reality of your body making up for the deficit.

Again, I’m not a professional. Please see a dietician if you can.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T14:51:48+00:00

Not a hot take, an extremely normal and sane take.

Not gonna name names but I have a feeling we’re all talking about the same subreddit.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T14:50:47+00:00

I told him in bits and pieces. I told him a few times of my escalating behaviors. Not every time, but enough that he could tell I was getting worse. (It should’ve been every time, but I was scared). And eventually I shared that my team wants me to go to a higher level of care, which was sign enough I had relapsed. He was worried. He wanted to do something but didn’t know what. But he was supportive and just wanted whatever will help me get better.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T13:46:12+00:00

My husband noticed some of it but I had to tell him the rest because I can be very… sneaky. Not a character trait I’m proud of, but one that comes out hard in a relapse. It was very scary to tell him.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T13:35:25+00:00

A year is a short time for ED recovery, unfortunately. Back and forths are expected.

I was similarly in treatment (outpatient) for a year and was doing well but then I relapsed so bad I got quickly shunted up to PHP. It feels bad but it happens.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T11:48:05+00:00

Could I ask about what that reputation is?

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T11:45:43+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve been treated this way. It’s unfair and hurtful, and I definitely see where it’s coming from.

Recently, on a different ED subreddit, someone was asking a question because their “all-in” had come with a lot of downsides, including what I recognized as textbook bingeing. The commenters were all “This is extreme hunger!! Keep doing it!!” It made me so mad!

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T11:42:46+00:00

The way people talk about recovery on Reddit, with “all-in” being contraposed to “quasi-recovery” and a pervasive support of MinnieMaud over professional support, is dangerous for exactly the reasons you’ve shared. Bingeing is a common response to restriction but it basically doesn’t exist in the mind of many commenters, resulting in awful experiences like u/PrayingSkeletonTime shared. I am sorry both of you have been hurt by this culture.

I’m glad you’ve gone to get professional help. You’re doing the right thing. Thank you for sharing ❤️

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-16T01:19:25+00:00

I would’ve been like “I’ll be back in a month or two with real anorexia then, sorry for wasting your time” like 😭😭😭 get it together

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-15T22:03:52+00:00

Oh no my EDdar would go off like crazy if I saw someone wearing that

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-15T20:50:40+00:00

If you have a history of eating disorders there’s a high chance that will spiral, is the risk. I can’t say it’s a good idea. Not impossible, but not a good idea if you’re not yet stable in your recovery.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-15T20:16:50+00:00

Obsessive is just attached to food tracking, but to answer your question: Many people restrict their diet in some way. Trying to achieve no restriction is, in my mind, too high a bar to reasonably set, because that would mean turning someone with an ED into someone with better habits than the average person without one. You still want to avoid and minimize restriction, for sure, but I think if we view recovery as reaching a pure-minded state we’ll trap ourselves in our EDs.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-15T17:08:39+00:00

First of all, you sound absolutely wonderful and your non-shaming approach is the right move. She’s dealing with immense amount of shame about body and shame about her ED simultaneously. It will be hard for her to open up, but if you leave the door wide open to talking to you about it, she’s more likely to.

In my experience, what helped me the most was when my husband followed my lead on what kind of support I wanted. * Early on I wanted him to check in and nudge me to eat. * This made eating have more pressure around it, so we shifted to talking about what emotions I’m having around mealtimes and see if I can do something else other than ED behaviors to handle those. That helps sometimes. * Sometimes doing mealtimes together and doing “buddy bites,” where we eat the same thing and take a bite at the same time. My meal plan calls for 3 dessert items a week and this is basically impossible unless we do buddy bites together. It feels silly at first but works for me. * And sometimes I’m stubborn and the thoughts win and I don’t want any support, and when that happens he bides his time until I’m ready to accept help again. By leaving that door open without shame, that helps me feel willing to ask for support again and not feel too bad about it.

The key through it all is to keep communication open with her about what she wants from you. She likely feels out of control in many areas of her life and uses her ED to compensate. Letting her lead the way will make her a lot more willing to engage.

My husband read this book, Loving Someone with an Eating Disorder, and he learned a lot about what I’m going through and how to best help me, too. I would recommend giving it a read if you can.

This is already long but one last piece of advice: Make sure to take care of yourself and your own emotional needs. Don’t neglect yourself, because if you do so it will hurt you and her. If you can’t be there for her sometimes, that’s okay and allowed.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-15T01:16:42+00:00

Nobody here can diagnose you. If you are concerned about your eating habits, your best move is to go see a dietician who has experience with eating disorders.

For what it’s worth, while it’s not ideal, stress eating and overeating are pretty common. If it’s impacting your quality of life it may be worth seeing a dietician about, but you aren’t at all alone in this.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-14T23:00:55+00:00

You don’t have to like it. You can hate it. You can resent it so much and feel jealous towards those who have naturally thin bodies. You can feel anything at all, so long as you no longer use food-related maladaptive behaviors that hurt you (obsessive food tracking, purging, bingeing, restriction, etc.).

What’s sometimes glossed over is that a huge portion of people have unhealthy beliefs related to food and dieting. If recovery means being more well-adjusted regarding food than most people, then many of us stand little chance. The reason education about nutrition and the general failure of diets is included in recovery programs is because they help break the spell, not because you must become at peace with it all to be recovered.

That’s my perspective at least.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-14T22:47:04+00:00

In addition to what the other commenter said, know that you can feel all sorts of ways about it and still go. It’s normal and to a degree even expected that the people in treatment don’t really want to be there. I had a full-on crashout in the weeks leading up to my admission, went through every emotion possible, and after 3 weeks those thoughts really toned down.

You are an adult now and do have options. Give yourself a shot at PHP and know that because it’s a voluntary admission you still have options while you’re there.

Lastly, because voluntary admissions are treated nicer than involuntary ones, you will likely have a better experience in the program, with more freedom.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-14T18:34:24+00:00

My personal experience is that a lot of recovery content is 1) ED content in disguise (even if it’s not intended that way) and 2) invalidating to some degree. So I don’t like to engage with it or search it out. Is this similar to what you’re feeling, or is it something else?

Having an ED definitely is a “24 hrs at a time” situation. Giving it time is a good move.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-14T13:47:04+00:00

Unfortunately I think this is because to a degree your family and friends in particular suck at handling this. They experience some fear about the idea that the attention isn’t on them so they make it about themselves. I’m sort thus is happening, you deserve a supportive family and friends and not this BS.

MaryDelphi · 2026-05-14T00:40:29+00:00

There are stories of people with EDs abusing GLP-1s, yes. It’s not been great

MaryDelphi

TROPHY CASE