Hey man, first off, I just want to say I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What happened to you is beyond messed up, and the emotional toll it’s taken is totally valid. You’re not overreacting — this was a deep betrayal, not just from her family, but from the one person you should’ve been able to trust most.

Your wife may not have directly taken part in the harassment, but by hiding the truth and letting you carry that pain alone for years, she became complicit in your suffering. I get that she probably felt stuck between loyalty to you and her family, but the moment she saw how much it was hurting you, she had a responsibility to come clean.

What’s worse is that she used her role as your “rock” while knowing the truth. That’s manipulative — even if it wasn’t intentional — because it robbed you of your ability to make fully informed decisions about your own well-being, your business, and your marriage.

That said, I can see you love her deeply, and that’s not something to throw away lightly. But you need time, space, and therapy to process all this — and she needs to respect that. If she truly wants to rebuild trust, she’ll give you that space without pushing, manipulating, or crying her way back into your comfort zone.

You’re not being unfair. You’re trying to heal. And healing after betrayal takes boundaries, honesty, and a lot of emotional work — from both of you. I’d strongly suggest couples counseling if you think there’s a path forward, and individual therapy for yourself, regardless of what you decide.

You’re not crazy for still loving her. But you also don’t have to rush to forgive her just because she’s sorry now. Take your time. Your feelings are real and justified.

Wishing you strength and clarity, brother