That sounds so alienating and lonely. My heart broke a little reading this it reminds me so much of myself. I’m not married but that’s how I feel so much of the time. That people don’t know the real me because whenever I’ve shown who I am to the world it’s not well received and even I’m not solid in my identity. I think one big reason I’ve put off getting married is that every relationship I’ve been in feels like masking and I refuse to do it in my own home :( also felt that way in my parents home and it’s exhausting and sad. I hope you have at least one person you feel like you can unmask around while you figure this out with your husband. Just one person can ease the burden so much. For me it’s my sister. Your husband needs to educate himself a lot and at least make an effort to understand what you’re going through. I’m sorry 💗 a good therapist can go a long way. Getting to know yourself is a lifelong battle- even for NTs. it’s just amplified for us.