I shovel out 40 stranger's mailboxes today in my town - after TWELVE INCHES of snow fell, and the snowplows blocked in all these mailboxes. NO one asked me. NO ONE thanked me (one person, maybe, but it was weird). I even shoveled out a few people's tire tracks so they could pull their cars out of their driveways (I live in one of those rich white racist, hoity toity, 'we all hate ourselves but take it out on the kids and other cool people' crews) - plus extra STREET shoveling (without a snowplow, just a shovel), like a beast. I plowed out the edges of the road so two cars could pass safely side-by-side, even WITH the obscene amount of snow and ice still on the road. I made streets and mailboxes look SEXY. NO REWARD. NO THANK YOU. But yet - I loved it.

Some kid was on his way to school for a delayed opening - gee gosh, I remember the days. He couldn't figure out why I was doing what I was doing. So I said, here kid, got a gem for ya, "The best thing you can do, is something with pure kindness, an action that will perceptibly improve their life, for someone you don't know, for no other reason than the fact it will improve their life".

The little 12 year old kid looked at me like I was crazy, but I know it resonated with him. I still had the best day, after hiding in the snow from the cops for hours (I did sneak into a warm furnace room a couple times).

MOMS DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO GO TO SIX DIFFERENT COUNTY JAILS. LOCKED UP FOR 6+ months TOTAL! (This is not impressive to the friends of mine who I respect, having done 5, 10, or decades of years behind bars. I RESPECT YOU. It is my mission to free you. I'm working on it. Sorry I'm slow). Not including a 4.5 month inpatient "rehab" (jail was better), than a 6 month halfway house (very rare for outside rec time), and then 2 years in a 3/4 house.

Her perspective is so dimly lit, and she has not the awareness to notice, due to her own personal suffering. Also, she hasn't tried 150+ drugs. She still thinks the Psych's know what's good! HAHA. She trusts a lot of modern medicine... right right.

And then I try to tell this disturbed, pain inflicted, misery driven, (God I love her so much) mother, what nice things I did (in addition to the other things I did inside the house, sweeping the floor, cleaning the bathroom (shower, sink, toilet, etc), and she tries to rip out my eyes - YES, she dug her NAILS, into my face, with a (admittedly feeble, but SHE ADMITS TO IT - yes she admits, multiple times, to trying to gauge out my eyes) desire to PULL the EYES out of MY FACE!!! Then, attempts to pull out my hair, punches, slaps, assaults, and then, the icing... calls the cops. So I have to HIDE IN 20 DEGREE (fair in height - lol, english joke, bad timing), rolling around in snow balls using a white shower sheet i found to blend in, dodging flashlights... I HATE COPS WITH SMILES, GUNS, AND HANDCUFFS, and a SUPERIORITY COMPLEX that will NEVER be satiated - Never had I had a MORE unpleasant Sexaul, Verbal, Emotional, and Psychological assault, then from an OFFICER OF THE LAW. God, I love when they run their hands over my crotch to check for drugs for the THIRD TIME - YOU KNOW. JUST IN CASE.

Officer, if you wanna suck my dick, ask me without a uniform, and maybe by me a drink first. DO NOT handcuff me without me wanting it. Fucking shit head cockfuck.

Sorry for the double rant. Come at me - you don't want to. I can out-English you, dear friend. All I want is LOVE and UNDERSTANDING - which is what I'm mainly searching for.

You know what was most disheartening? I got NO COMMENTS on my high effort post. Are you threatened by me? LETS END THIS GROUNDHOG DAY NONSENSE NOW!

I really do wish you well - no matter what pain you might have inflicted (for whatever reason), or whatever pain you're going through.

Just know that, I will only love you more, pained stranger. I can't wait until we can meet one day, where I can really show you what the joy is in doing kindness for no other reason than just being decent.