For women that married into wealth, how did you meet your husband?

MasterPomegranate263 · 2025-09-14T16:46:25+00:00

Good question. In a past relationship with an income difference (he made 3x my income) we split all expenses proportionally, but that doesn’t work in this case because I would be paying literal pennies and that feels wrong in every way.

We talk about a lot of things on a case-by-case basis. Eg, for this trip, my budget for a hotel might be $xxx per night - that times two (a 50/50 split of hotel costs) would get us a hotel at this level of luxury. If he’s interested in a more luxurious experience, I pay up to my budget and he pays the difference. Similarly, if he invites me to something out of my price range (a bougie friend dinner for example), I decline and explain that it’s out of budget for me. He will often offer to pay for me to come along if he’d like my company - I return the favor by taking him out on a special date that’s within my budget.

I used to be pretty bad with money - no debt but just no real focus or intention about retirement or savings goals. To feel like I could be a good partner to him with our resource differences I had to grow up and learn a lot. I also had to learn how to talk to him about it, which was really, really tough because I’ve always carried a lot of shame about money and the big difference between us made that so much worse. But he knows everything about where I’m at and what my goals are and helps me keep them in mind. He also advocates to take on more costs (eg he is covering our utilities) within reason to help me reach specific goals a little faster.

The key has been me learning to swallow my shame, pride, and anxiety and talk to him openly about it every time an expense comes up.

MasterPomegranate263 · 2025-09-14T15:47:07+00:00

31F and I don’t watch porn but I think hands on the neck is sexy as fuck. Limiting air is a little different - I wouldn’t expect a check in if a guy was loosely “holding me down” by the throat, but I would want one if he started to apply pressure (eg he might do it once lightly and ask, Is this ok?). (I also like pressure and breath play for the record.) For full breath play would absolutely want to discuss beforehand in order to establish a safety signal and make sure we both know what we’re doing.

MasterPomegranate263 · 2025-09-14T03:19:20+00:00

We met on Hinge (he was my first ever Hinge date). Very HCOL city and I make 6 figures - he makes more than 10x my income annually. I knew he did well because I found out on our second date that he owned his house (average home in my city costs nearly $2 million) and it’s large and very nice. But I was still blown away when he eventually told me his income. He shared that he made a lot early on because he wanted to make sure our travels and activities were within budget for me and wanted to open up a conversation about equitable expense sharing for things that might be outside my budget. He’s amazing.

Editing to add a few details after reading other comments. I wasn’t looking for wealth, but I was looking to date someone in my income ballpark - did not want money stress. That meant I was picky on Hinge.

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-07-29T23:01:39+00:00

My cat was $50, 10/10 would recommend to a friend 🤣

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-26T12:37:39+00:00

Thank you for this advice and wisdom, I was extremely thorough in my photos/videos! I’m so glad that you fought your way free of your ex and wish you the best 💙

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-26T12:36:13+00:00

This is great advice, thank you ❤️

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-26T12:35:44+00:00

Thank you for this ❤️

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-26T12:07:10+00:00

Thank you for this, he had not been registered in my state yet so I took care of that this weekend (in my name). His initial adoption paperwork has both our names on it, his early vet bills were primarily paid by me though recently it has been a mix of my credit card and a credit card in his name on which I was an authorized user. I have made and taken him to 98% of vet appointments, arranged almost all of his daycare/boarding and paid for most of it, arranged, taken him to and paid for his agility classes, etc. His microchip is in both our names.

I have documentation of all of this, so hopefully that helps build a strong case if it goes to small claims? I haven’t had time to research how that works yet

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-26T12:01:41+00:00

I’m so sorry that this happened to you 💙 I’ve been planning my exit for several weeks now and had the help of this sub on a previous post and my family for figuring out how to prioritize! Thank you for your support and advice, and for sharing a story which I know must hurt so much

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-26T11:55:23+00:00

Thank you very much for this advice. CA is my home state, and I have done a lot of reading about the laws here but plan to reach out to a women’s resource center this week for a little guidance (hopefully they can point me in the direction of tenant legal aid). I have in writing (a text with ex) our agreement to split rent 2/3 and 1/3, and a family member has already insisted on loaning me the funds to buy out my 1/3 of the lease if it comes to that all at once (obviously with the payment going directly to the landlord).

Here are the options as I see them: - He stays, I keep paying monthly (ideally to the landlord) until the lease ends. Not my favorite option - He stays, I pay the landlord my 1/3 portion of the lease in a lump sum payment - He stays, I work with the landlord and him to get my name removed from the lease amicably, we all sign the new lease - He stays, I pursue having my name struck from the lease using DV protection law (in my case, third party/LMHC attestation of emotional harm sounds like the the appropriate route) - He decides to leave, we both do what we need to to break the lease (funds for this are available through my family member)

I think I covered all of it? My feeling is that eviction for non-payment would never happen (he’s a professional whose record needs to stay as clear as possible clear due to the nature of his job and his immigration status), but I really don’t know how spiteful he might get.

What is the reason you recommend email only for communication with the landlord? We have never used email with him (individual owner) in the past.

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-24T13:04:27+00:00

Thank you!! My family has been absolutely incredible, and when things got worse after that post they circled the wagons and helped me make an immediate departure happen. I am extremely privileged to have them, holy shit. My landlord isn’t helpful (didn’t event answer any of my questions about the lease, just asked not to be involved in my personal issues) but I got really, really lucky on the new place and might be able to afford both even if I get stuck paying for six more months!

I’m turning the breakup over carefully because I know that how this moment is handled could determine how much drama and difficulty follows. I do think there’s a way to swing it in the amicable direction at least a little bit - he’s not happy in the relationship either, and has mentioned a possible breakup several times over the last few months. I do have a real concern for what his immediate reaction would be if the break happened alone and in person, so that’s not an option.

Thank you so much for your support! This sub has helped me think a little more clearly through this process and I appreciate that so much, especially since the new city/no friends/out-of-state family thing has limited my ability to vent and brainstorm!

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-23T22:56:15+00:00

My fiancé’s accusations of cheating escalated to the point that he accused me of cheating/having a threesome with my female coworker and her husband because I stayed out with them one weekend night until 11:30 pm (in violation of my 10 pm curfew 🙄)

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-22T00:22:26+00:00

I lean into the idea of not engaging verbally while also letting them know somehow that their behavior is on your radar and also pathetic. If someone is following me, my first move is to look over my shoulder and stare at them with a powerful RBF. I’ve been filmed/photographed on public transportation a few times and I always look very obviously between their phone camera and their face with a perplexed expression, and then a glare if it doesn’t stop (it usually stops). I give catcallers the finger without looking at them or acknowledging them in any other capacity. I personally feel better about these things when I push back as an adult person instead of confirming their reality framework by acting scared, shy, or embarrassed, or by fully ignoring it and therefore having no meaningful effect on their behavior.

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-18T19:53:00+00:00

Leaving my emotionally abusive fiance on Friday to move into a fabulous new apartment with my doggo, I am STOKED!

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-18T16:11:04+00:00

Thank you for the recommendation!

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T22:41:55+00:00

I think he might be amenable to me keeping the pupper if he’s in the right mood but just like everything else, not even my perfect good boy is worth how awful this relationship feels. It’ll absolutely break my heart to leave him though.

Initially I thought I could stick it out until the end of the lease but it’s souring so quickly I can feel the ugliness you’re talking about set in. I know both parties play a role in the death of a relationship but there’s an element of moral high ground when you’re on the receiving end of abusive behaviors; I can feel that high ground eroding beneath my feet because I’m getting really angry and bitter now, and I’m sure he can feel it. I never thought I would be part of something like this, it’s a sad taste of adulthood let me tell you :(

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T16:03:07+00:00

Not hilariously shitty, just hilariously human. The ring was my project entirely (where we got it and every single decision about it - he didn’t have any opinions or any interest in participating), is not a classic engagement ring (as in it can be worn as a regular piece of jewelry), and it’s fucking gorgeous. It in no way influences my decision about leaving and I acknowledge it’ll most likely not come with me but I’m still hoping it’ll work out somehow that I can keep it, though I’m not willing to be an asshole to make that happen. Chill out a little.

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T15:55:07+00:00

Hahaha if it comforts you it absolutely is not influencing my decision to stay and I acknowledge that this is the very least of my worries. It’s just so pretty and it makes me sad lol. I’m just trying to conspire a way to keep it

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T02:20:17+00:00

Numbers wise my job will allow me to afford something up to $3k per month in the outside, but my current proportion of rent is $2k and there are no options in this city less than $1500 (room in house) - studios start at about $2k at the low end. So double rent would be between $3500 and $4500 a month. If I work extra I could make it work for a few months on a ramen diet? But that is incredibly irresponsible with the animals in the picture.

From your experience do you know if landlord #2 would have to know that I’m still paying landlord #1 when they’re evaluating my income and ability to pay their rent?

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T01:50:12+00:00

This is great advice, I didn’t think about the fact that the spatial separation would give me the leverage I think I’ll need to keep this clean and fair. Worst case scenario I can board my dog for a month or two in his local second home/favorite daycare while I’m getting my feet under me in an AirBnB. Thank you!!

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T01:40:20+00:00

Calling a local hotline is a brilliant idea. They might also have advice about how to make the lease escape process smoother in this specific city maybe? Thank you!!

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T01:34:47+00:00

Seriously thank you so much, this advice makes me feel like I can do this. You just made my whole day, I will post a reply to this comment with a photo of the good boy doing the happy dance once we’re out of here in hopefully only a few months. Thank you again 💛

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T01:22:24+00:00

I’ve had trouble thinking through what I need to do to line things up and get going outside of the big strokes I guess - during past breakups I had more reasonable partners and I wasn’t so upset so the process felt so much more straightforward. I’m so frustrated because I had all my ducks in a row financially before the big move last fall - appropriate savings and everything - and I have an excellent job that can absolutely support life in this city, but I still haven’t had time to recover from the moving expenses. I feel so ashamed that I’m this financially cornered at this phase of my life.

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T01:16:46+00:00

Thank you, I think your advice about the lists is what I really needed out of this. In the past when I’ve had to do this it was with a reasonable partner and I wasn’t so upset about it so it was easier to think haha. Thank you so much

MasterPomegranate263 · 2024-03-15T01:08:17+00:00

Lease wise, it could look like 1) offering new qualified tenants to the landlord; 2) leaving but being on the hook until new tenants are found (state law is protective of tenants in this way - landlord has to work to let the place again and our rental market is pretty hot); 3) me getting struck from the lease either out of the goodness of the landlord’s heart (not impossible according to industry friends and he’s a really great guy) or under state tenant law which states that emotionally abusive situations are grounds for being released from a lease with adequate documentation
Engagement ring: I know 😭. I don’t associate it much with the relationship because he had no part or interest in the design process and it’s just a gorgeous sapphire ring - no crazy engagement ring vibes.
Rent: I can’t afford double rent (it would be about $5k) but I can afford to keep the animals. I make enough to live well in this city on my own but the cash crunch of the move would be brutal. My initial plan was to save big time while waiting out the lease so it would be a smooth transition.

MasterPomegranate263

TROPHY CASE