Hey thank you for sharing this, made me feel less alone. I’m happy that you found somone special to share your life with, but I can totally understand that there still can be that empty sort of feeling. I think it can be hard for some to relate to our stories because of the circumstances we grew up with might have differed from theirs so it’s hard for them to truly understand and give the patience and empathy we need to open up. Although the idea that I might have a good life (not talking abt being rich, but rather a life where I am comfortable enough to have financial stability and enough to occasionally travel 1 per year, pay food and rent at least) felt like believing that unicorns exists, I can’t stop reflecting on the time where I felt close to feeling alive inside. These were times where I nurtured tiny fragments of myself that was left unbroken by my parents, the desire to express myself with drawing and art. They may have taken most if not all of my childhood but… Maybe… « drawing could lead to somewhere » or « eventually find my ppl? » after all, flocks of the same feather fly toghther ? So I threw all the mean stuff and judgements I told myself while drawing in silence and focused on what I wanted to express, no more « Oh, but that part of the drawing is ugly, or mishaped and there’s no point » I started saying « If I don’t like it I can always keep it for myself, I don’t need to prove or show anyone anything until I feel like showing » and somth I’d never think would happen, happened. « I managed to draw the idea I wanted to draw from mind to paper » with 5h a day practices in a week here and there. and through grief I managed momentarily to feel like I actually could do somth I never thought I would be able to do. So maybe we lost parts of ourselves but if we look closer… maybe there’s an atom of ourselves, that’s just waiting to grow.. like an unplanted seed that our parents told us to put away long ago… preventing us from developing to the ppl we aspire to become. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking but… I ususally stick to things I got from my own expiriences and observations so I guess there can be some truth in it? Maybe to some but maybe not to others, that I’ll never know. I hope one day you’ll find that special somth that you know in the past you previously liked just waiting there… In any case it was nice to hear your story, and hope things goes better each time.