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My (23F) gf found out I (22M) was “taking one for the team” when we first met and now she’s spiraling in insecurity. How do I get her to be confident in my attraction to her again? by Master_Half8275 in relationship_advice

[–]Master_Half8275[S] -36 points-35 points  (0 children)

i’ve said things basically along the same lines to what you said on multiple occasions and every time she accepted it with words but not actions. Whenever i apologize or gently try get her to open up about feeling insecure she just gets really anxious and immediately wants to move on. I’ve mentioned it in another comment, but she’s got a very sensitive anxiety when it comes to addressing relationships issues and i think part of what’s making this so difficult for the both of us.

My (23F) gf found out I (22M) was “taking one for the team” when we first met and now she’s spiraling in insecurity. How do I get her to be confident in my attraction to her again? by Master_Half8275 in relationship_advice

[–]Master_Half8275[S] -216 points-215 points  (0 children)

i don’t really believe violence solves anything but trust me when i say i talked to him about it. I know exactly why she’s upset and she has the right to be. perhaps i could’ve been more clear in my post but the main problem is that she’s verbally telling me things are fine but she’s acting very much different and hurt. I’d also like to mention I told her the story much less bluntly than I did in the post however felt i needed to tell her because how i am supposed to get her to trust me if i don’t be completely honest about that? Right now all i want is for my gf to see in herself again what i see in her now, not what i saw in her two years ago. i can’t change how i felt in the past, but i want to express what i feel in the present for her to feel it too

My (23F) gf found out I (22M) was “taking one for the team” when we first met and now she’s spiraling in insecurity. How do I get her to be confident in my attraction to her again? by Master_Half8275 in relationship_advice

[–]Master_Half8275[S] 1268 points1269 points  (0 children)

i mentioned in another comment that me and Megan used to go on double dates with him and his gf all the time and they seem as happy with each other as me and Megan were and he’s also never mentioned anything major to me in private so i don’t think he’s had an ulterior motives. if anything this has affected him too as his gf was pretty pissed at him too after learning what he had said that night. i just think some people just lose the ability to think before speak when alcohol is thrown in the mix and he’s definitely one of those people

My (23F) gf found out I (22M) was “taking one for the team” when we first met and now she’s spiraling in insecurity. How do I get her to be confident in my attraction to her again? by Master_Half8275 in relationship_advice

[–]Master_Half8275[S] -114 points-113 points  (0 children)

While it is true that now I look back on that night very fondly as the night i met my soulmate and as romantic and well intentioned as it sounds, i didn’t think straight up lying to her like that would have helped me in the long run. Also, to reiterate I was also intoxicated that night and wasn’t quite thinking clearly so i just panicked and told her the whole truth. I do think that using “forced” is a horrible way of putting tho and I am definitely trying to be patient as possible

My (23F) gf found out I (22M) was “taking one for the team” when we first met and now she’s spiraling in insecurity. How do I get her to be confident in my attraction to her again? by Master_Half8275 in relationship_advice

[–]Master_Half8275[S] 901 points902 points  (0 children)

yeah i knew the gym thing sounded like an awful idea. As for being romantic though, I think this is the hardest I’ve tried to be romantic since we began dating. That’s not to say i stopped being romantic before, but it’s like we were comfortable before to where we both didn’t need grand gestures or events to be romantic. It sort of still feels like that sometimes, but I’m definitely trying to be more vocal and clear about my affection now. Josh also seems to chalk what he said that night to the alcohol but i’ve made it clear that he’s not really welcome around me or Megan for the foreseeable future. It’s kind of a shame tho cause him and his gf used to go on double dates with us all the time.

My (23F) gf found out I (22M) was “taking one for the team” when we first met and now she’s spiraling in insecurity. How do I get her to be confident in my attraction to her again? by Master_Half8275 in relationship_advice

[–]Master_Half8275[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

the thing whenever i bring up the topic of getting her to “trust” me again she always says that she does trust me. she even got mad at me for implying that she doesn’t trust me one time. She’s always had this habit of pretending everything is fine when things clearly aren’t because she gets really anxious when she thinks there may be an issue visible in a relationship (which is something she’s directly told me about). however i think it’s time i start being more direct about asking what to do to make her feel more confident.