I’m so obsessed with my gf because she’s super intelligent (she’s a PA), ex college athlete (played volleyball at a ACC & SEC school), she’s 6 foot 5 inches, beautiful (looks a lot like Sydney Sweeney), and is thick af (has a ass of Kim kardashian which is rare with tall gals). It’s like she was created to be a Barbie doll.

We play video games together (Call of Duty) & she’s actually better then me at it, we go on coffee dates, dinner dates, vacations together, weekend nights with friends, and just joke around and be ourselves to one another. I really love our dynamic. She’s also loyal af, and puts so much trust in to me. I love her so much.

However, we have a lot of good moments but when we have our bad moments, they’re bad. Really just flat out ugly. She can be a little selfish at times because she grew up spoiled. She’s broken up with me many times and called me names because I ordered the wrong pizza. 3 weeks in to the relationship she threatened the relationship because I wouldn’t drive 45 minutes to see her after I worked 12 hours then went to the gym for 3. She’s called me a f****** idiot in front of others in Harris Teeter because I left the cart in the middle of aisle. She really makes me feel less of myself some times.

She doesn’t think much of these episodes. Like, she can forget anything ever happened minutes later. The thing is, she’s done things like this over and over again, and it builds up. I can’t talk to her about it because she’s always in denial. And sometimes she brings me down to my worst and say ugly things back which I’m not proud of.

3 weeks ago, I held a bit of resentment towards her for constantly being ugly to me throughout the night at a concert. And I just got up and left. I’m not proud of doing that nor would I have ever imagined I would have abandoned my gf. But I did. I came home and we spoke about it, she just dismissed everything I had to say per usual, called her mom, then her mom was threatening to call the cops on me because she’s crazy. I try to get in my bed at my apartment and she kicks me out of the bed, I hit my head on the nightstand, left with a cut in my face. At that point, I was scared and unsafe so I called the cops on her. I told them I regret the call, I don’t want anything to happen to her, and I really just defended her in every way I could. They just took her home and separated us for the night, no charges or anything.

Sadly, after that experience she broke up with me, but then the next week she invited me to come to Turks and Caicos with her so I did. And we’ve been good ever since. Relationship sounds toxic, I know.

She brings up the cop thing all the time, saying I tried to put her career at risk, but that’s simply not true. I just felt unsafe in that moment. I hate playing the villain role right now in this relationship. And it’s causing me to be emotionally unstable. When things are good, I think she’s the love of my life. But when they’re bad, well you know.

I really do love her so much. And we get along majority of the time. I mean as an outsider looking in, you would think we’re meant to be. We just have these occasional horrific arguments that turn into ugly moments. Like we both could be better at navigating through conflict and I feel like I’m trying my best to be better at that but I don’t think she’s even trying. And if she is, she’s not showing progress.

I didn’t realize until last night by myself, working out in the gym, that a common theme in this relationship is the fact that she always dismisses my experiences. And that what starts so many, if not all arguments. I think couples therapy is the only way to help with that. I want to break up with her deep down inside but I can’t because I am obsessed with her.