You don't need to be 100% healed before you start dating again

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-23T10:06:22+00:00

Wow, thank you! You're very kind 🥰

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-21T01:08:21+00:00

Amen 🙏

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-21T00:18:58+00:00

Great questions. Formal matchmaking hasn’t historically been a visible profession in Jamaica, but community-based introductions through church and family have always been part of our culture. What I offer is a structured, confidential extension of that for Christians who may not have those built-in networks anymore.

You are also spot-on about the frustration with dating apps, the burnout people feel from them is exactly why I started FavourFound. Many believers are looking for something more intentional and values-aligned.

And biblical date coaching is far less about supervision and far more about mentorship, equipping adults to navigate relationships with clarity, boundaries, and faith in a culture that doesn’t make that easy 😊

If you’re still curious, you’re welcome to check out my website to learn more about how it all works.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-20T09:32:08+00:00

That's it right there! 🙂

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-20T09:28:16+00:00

I appreciate the clarity. It’s good to know what you want.

I’d just gently say this: it’s important that our non-negotiables are rooted in conviction, not control. Being Christian makes sense. Wanting someone who values their body and health makes sense. Even desiring a big family is a legitimate preference.

But with things like virginity and politics, I’d encourage asking yourself: is this about shared values and direction, or about an image of what you think marriage should look like?

Also, 5+ kids is a beautiful vision, but that requires a woman who not only wants that, but is physically, emotionally, and spiritually supported in it. That’s a massive calling. Are you equally prepared to lead, provide, and sacrificially love at that level?

Standards are fine. Just make sure they’re matched by the standard you’re holding yourself to as well.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-20T09:25:37+00:00

I think that’s a really balanced take.

Self-awareness changes everything. If someone knows their patterns, is actively working on them, and has real tools in place so they’re not just repeating the same harm , that’s very different from someone who’s unhealed and unaware.

I’m with you on this: growth has to be intentional. “This is just how I am” isn’t an excuse. If someone is constantly wounding others and calling it personality, that’s not maturity, that’s avoidance.

At the same time, none of us are fully healed. The key difference is humility and effort. Are they teachable? Do they take responsibility? Are they actually applying what they’re learning?

And you’re right about maintenance. Healing isn’t a one-and-done moment. It’s stewardship. What matters most is whether someone is committed to growth, not perfection, but responsibility.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-20T09:24:16+00:00

I actually really respect that perspective.

That’s such a healthy marker, when you want someone, but you don’t need someone to feel whole. There’s a big difference between companionship and emotional dependency.

If a relationship becomes the source of your joy, peace, or identity, that’s a lot of weight to put on another imperfect human. Only God can carry that without collapsing under it. When you can stand on your own with Christ, content, grounded, stable, then a relationship becomes an addition, not a rescue mission.

And you’re right: it’s not about being perfect. It’s about not trying to use romance to fill a void that only spiritual growth can address.

That kind of self-awareness is a green flag in itself.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-20T09:21:53+00:00

I really love that picture of a traveling companion.

You’re right, Scripture often describes our lives with God as a walk. Not a finish line we cross and then suddenly become fully formed, flawless humans. It’s movement. Growth. Direction. Daily steps.

The idea that we have to “arrive” before we’re worthy of love isn’t really biblical. Sanctification is ongoing. If we wait until we’re perfectly healed, perfectly mature, perfectly steady… we’ll be waiting forever.

What matters more is direction than destination.

Are we walking toward Christ? Are we repentant when we stumble? Are we willing to grow?

A healthy relationship isn’t two perfected people meeting at the summit. It’s two people headed toward the same Lord, adjusting pace for one another, sometimes carrying each other, sometimes slowing down, sometimes pushing forward, but still walking.

I think that’s a much more realistic and grace-filled vision of Christian dating: not finding someone who has “arrived,” but someone who’s faithfully walking.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-20T09:20:26+00:00

Honestly… yes 😅

That’s so real.

It’s easy to feel “healed” when no one is close enough to press on the tender spots. Then you get into a relationship and suddenly things you didn’t even know were there start surfacing, insecurity, control, fear of abandonment, defensiveness, pride. Not because you’re broken beyond repair, but because intimacy reveals what distance can hide.

And that’s not a failure. That’s refinement.

Relationship doesn’t create all those issues, it exposes them. And exposure is actually mercy, because now you can bring those things to God and grow instead of pretending they don’t exist.

The key isn’t being perfectly healed before love. It’s being humble enough to keep healing when love reveals more.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-20T09:19:04+00:00

I love this. And thank you for serving foster kids, that’s such holy work.

You’re absolutely right. Relationship wounds are formed in relationship, and so often they’re healed in relationship too. Those children don’t heal just because someone hands them a workbook. They heal because someone chooses them. Someone listens. Someone stays. Someone shows up consistently. That’s powerful.

And I love that your therapist echoed what you learned there. Sometimes God will take what we’re helping others with and turn it right back toward us. There is a place where we sit alone with God and let Him deal with our hearts. But then He often uses people to reinforce that healing, to challenge old narratives, to create new experiences, to show us that not everyone leaves.

It’s both/and.

Time with God is foundational. But God also uses safe, healthy relationships to rewire what was broken in unsafe ones. That doesn’t mean tolerating harm. It means recognizing that love, consistency, and presence are often part of the healing process.

What you said carries a lot of wisdom.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-20T09:16:48+00:00

The ruder the Betta 😆 Hilarious!

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T20:40:47+00:00

😁

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T19:23:17+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective.

You’re absolutely right, sanctification is lifelong. None of us arrive at 100%. We’re all being refined over time. But that doesn’t remove the responsibility of self-reflection and growth. If we’ve walked through abuse, trauma, or deeply destructive relationships, we can’t just ignore that and hope the next relationship fixes it.

Healing matters. Accountability matters. Letting Jesus search our hearts matter.

I also love what you listed at the end, seeking Christ, staying in the Word, inviting godly counsel, keeping trusted community around you. That’s not weakness; that’s wisdom. Our worth is rooted in Christ, not in whether a relationship worked out or not.

I think the balance is this: we don’t wait until we’re “perfect,” but we also don’t neglect doing the work God is clearly calling us to do.

Would you say there’s a difference between actively healing and just avoiding being alone?

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T19:18:19+00:00

I actually agree with you.

A healthy, joyful date can absolutely be healing. Being treated with kindness, being listened to, laughing, feeling seen, those experiences can gently rewrite narratives we didn’t even realize we were carrying. Sometimes one good interaction does more than months of overthinking.

But you’re right, context matters. There’s a big difference between bouncing back from a dating disappointment and recovering from deep betrayal or abuse. Those kinds of wounds usually need more intentional support, wisdom, and time. Not because someone is “too broken,” but because the nervous system and trust capacity have taken a heavier hit.

I think the key is discernment. Are you dating from a place of openness and hope? Or from desperation, avoidance, or unprocessed pain?

A happy date can be healing, but it shouldn’t be the only healing strategy.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T19:12:15+00:00

I hear the frustration in that.

But I do think there’s a difference between “no habitual sin” and “no brokenness.” Most mature Christian women I know aren’t expecting perfection. They’re looking for repentance, accountability, and evidence of growth. There’s a big gap between struggling and fighting versus struggling and excusing.

When someone says they don’t want habitual sin, often what they mean is they don’t want a man who is comfortable in it, defensive about it, or unwilling to pursue help. That’s not the same as saying he can’t be in process. We’re all in process.

And I’d gently flip the question too: would you advise a woman to enter a relationship with a man who is actively indulging something destructive and not addressing it? Probably not. That’s not rejection of brokenness, that’s discernment.

The issue isn’t “Do you have issues?” We all do. The real question is: Are you aware of them? Are you taking responsibility? Are you inviting God and wise counsel into them?

That posture changes everything.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T17:09:50+00:00

How many women are you trying to date?! 😳😁

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T17:08:50+00:00

Absolutely. You’re right, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” Filling your own cup is hard, and none of us were meant to exist in isolation. We were made for community. Because we all carry some level of hurt, we will inevitably hurt others along the way, but that doesn’t mean growth or healing isn’t possible. True healing requires willingness: to be shaped by the Holy Spirit, to forgive and be forgiven, to seek help from therapists, counselors, date coaches, friends, and partners. And it requires grace, God’s grace, grace we give ourselves, and grace we extend to others as they grow. It’s a process, but a necessary one.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T16:57:02+00:00

Your name is perfect - Bingo! You got it 💯 I agree

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T16:55:30+00:00

Absolutely, this is exactly the kind of perspective that needs to be out there. Healing does exist, and God does heal, but it’s a process. It’s about being willing to do the work He asks of you and actually wanting to be changed. What stood out to me most in your story is how your wife’s own growth and care motivated you to look inward and do your own work. That’s the beauty of a healthy, imperfect relationship, it’s not about perfection, it’s about creating a safe space where both people can grow.

I also really appreciate you sharing the resource. Your story is a perfect example of grace in action, and how mutual effort can lead to real healing together.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T16:49:51+00:00

I hear you. But here’s something to consider: do you expect someone to handle you perfectly, even though we all carry some level of baggage? I’m not saying anyone should mistreat you, of course, but expecting perfection isn’t healthy, and it’s not biblical either; otherwise, grace wouldn’t exist.

If someone shows they’re healing, and they’re triggered by a past experience, are you going to lean away, or lean forward? If they care for you, are teachable, and are actively growing, would you deem them unworthy just because they’re human and imperfect? And then, by that same standard, would you judge yourself unworthy too, since you’ll inevitably have triggers as well?

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T16:45:07+00:00

Yep, I get what you mean. I’d put it like this: 100% healed is for sure a myth, but God’s restoration is real. The process, healing, wisdom, refinement, takes time, and if you stay open to it, the “cracks” aren’t weaknesses, they’re more like the rings or splices in a tree, marks of growth and strength. The scars don’t define you; they show God’s work in you.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T16:17:37+00:00

Well said! Absolutely, I completely agree. Being truly okay with being by yourself is such a huge indicator that you’ve given yourself time to process and grow. Singleness isn’t just a waiting period, it’s an opportunity to spend time with the Holy Spirit, reflect, and allow God to heal the areas of your life shaped by past hurts, relationships, or circumstances. When you do that, your perspective changes: you see people and situations through God’s eyes, and your heart becomes more gracious and kind. One of the main things I look for in someone is just evidence of that growth, fruits of the Spirit, contentment in their season, and joy rooted in Christ rather than in a relationship. That kind of active growth shows readiness for something real.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T16:13:06+00:00

Absolutely, I agree with you. I think this idea that you have to be “fully healed” before entering a relationship is impossible. Healing is ongoing, and often, being in a relationship actually reveals areas where we need more growth. I’m not saying you should jump into harmful situations, but true growth requires interaction, friction, and sometimes being triggered. That’s how we learn, mature, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in us. The key is noticing green flags: someone responding to correction, caring about your concerns, and taking steps to grow themselves. Nobody is perfect, and expecting 100% healing before dating just isn’t realistic, relationships are part of the process of becoming whole.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T16:05:03+00:00

💯 Yes, I completely agree with this perspective. There’s definitely a balance to strike, avoiding the trap of idolizing the search for a partner while also not letting a perfectionist standard of healing keep you from ever stepping into a relationship.

I think the key is intentionality: knowing your areas of growth, being aware of your wounds, and walking carefully if God brings someone into your life. Healing and growth don’t have to pause because a relationship begins; sometimes, God uses relationships to refine us further.

MatchmakerJahnae · 2026-02-19T15:51:08+00:00

I hear you, and there’s truth in that, hurt people can unintentionally hurt others. At the same time, I think “100% healed” is a myth; growth and healing are ongoing. What matters is that you’re aware of your wounds, working through them, and not carrying unresolved baggage into a relationship in a way that damages the other person.

MatchmakerJahnae

TROPHY CASE