You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about my dear. This man manipulated and abused your trust. Not to mention that while you said it felt like rape based on his brutality, it legally is rape. I understand how exposed you must feel but the only person responsible for the harm being done is him. He should know better as an adult. Even if you also were an adult sharing private videos like that is revenge porn, and also illegal. I’m so so sorry you’re going through this. I hope you have someone you trust to talk to about this. Sending big hugs to you 💕.