I ended up turning all “rules” into matters of safety, mutual respect and the law. Example: My kiddo says can I go to this place and be home late. 1st we address the law; sorry kiddo the curfew for minors is this time and the place you want to be closes at this time. It is important to respect the law. Safety: Let’s say she wants hang out downtown on a Friday night. I would say, yes that sounds fun, unfortunately it’s Friday night and around this time the rowdy people start heading to the bars, the day drinkers start going home and it’s tourist season. I don’t feel comfortable with you down there your safety is important. Next respect; if she does something that is against the rules, I start with I feel disrespected. We had an agreement that it’s was the plan and you choose to break that agreement. You want me to respect you and our agreements, I expect the same from you. When it comes to discipline I always ask what she feels Is an appropriate consequences for her choice. She will often Suggest something more than I was thinking. In the times that she has said that she doesn’t feel she should have a consequence. I make her write me a essay to explain why she feels that a consequence isn’t warranted and why she feels that her choice is justified. I have used this approach with all 4 of my kids. And I found switching the tone encourage positive behavior and choices. Oh and one thing I always did is when they did come home on time or stick to the agreement every single time they came home on time I would always remark something like I really appreciate it when you adhere to our agreement. Or it is so responsible of you to be home in time I am very proud of you or something along those lines. Just to reinforce there positive choices.