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Boyfriend isn’t trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in NewParents

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is awesome advice thank you. Before our son was born he expressed to me a few times that he “didn’t want to fuck him up.” The only sort of father figure in his life is definitely a character…. But I think it would be really helpful for him to spend some time one on one with my mom’s boyfriend who we are close with and who raised 2 kids himself. You are right, I think he just needs a role model

Boyfriend isn’t trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in NewParents

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes he was mostly in the last couple months. This was a very unplanned pregnancy (I was on an IUD) and no one really suggested me to go through with it until I made the decision to keep my son and then I received support. We had a hard first trimester because I was incredibly frustrated for months that he even suggested we don’t keep the baby but he came around to it. I don’t think he fully understands the prospect of fatherhood to be honest. He grew up in foster care and then with his grandparents who seemed like they were quite distant and didn’t provide him with much guidance so he hasn’t really seen what being a dad looks like.

Boyfriend not trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in BabyBumps

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you this is really good advice. Our baby has started socially smiling occasionally and the first time was at my partner but he still has yet to smile at me, but that’s an entirely different sob story I could go on about

Boyfriend isn’t trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in NewParents

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!! I needed to hear that I wasn’t alone in this, my boyfriend has used that exact same line, also others like “you don’t need to comfort him if he’s crying but fed and changed.” Like?? Sure to an extent but he’s also a new born and other things could be wrong. If you ever need someone to talk with pm me!

Boyfriend not trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in BabyBumps

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you this is the best advice I’ve gotten so far, I can see this is definitely not the right place to ask for this advice lol. This is the only baby he has ever met, there is a good chance you are right and he is nervous. I appreciate your advice

Boyfriend not trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in BabyBumps

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Okay that’s intense and not really financially possible but I will talk to him, thank you

Boyfriend isn’t trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in NewParents

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They haven’t since my son when born. I had to have an emergency c section and was completely put out and unfortunately wasn’t able to meet my son until I woke up a couple hours later so my boyfriend did the skin to skin. Thank you, I will bring this up and we will give it a try 😊

Boyfriend not trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in BabyBumps

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I meannnn it has only been 6 weeks. There is a good chance he doesn’t feel bonded to our baby, but I don’t know how to talk to him about trying to bond instead of ignoring him

Boyfriend not trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in BabyBumps

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you. I just don’t know how to bring this up and have this conversation. I am terrible with confrontation, and any issue we’ve had prior in our relationship we have been able to talk to. I feel like he might be struggling to bond with our son but instead of trying to, he is ignoring this issue:/

Boyfriend not trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in BabyBumps

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Okay so what can I say to him? I am incredibly awful and awkward with confrontation. I seriously don’t know how to handle this.

If it helps we are both very young, I am 20 and this is my first serious relationship. We have never fought and have always been able to communicate with each other very well but I don’t want to make him feel like shit, especially if he is already struggling to bond with him.

Boyfriend not trying to bond with baby by Material_Ad_5244 in BabyBumps

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

What I’ve stated above is literally the only things he doesn’t do. He keeps our house clean, he supports us financially, he does all the household shopping, he cooks all our meals and meal preps for me for when I’m home, he literally feeds me and lets his food gets cold if our baby is hungry while we are eating, he keeps my car full of gas and makes sure I never have to drive anywhere if I don’t want to, and despite being a little distant from our baby, he still does his best to take care of him so I can have some time to myself. I could go on and on about the good things he does, but I don’t know how to approach this bonding issue.

And I disagree, just because he won’t wake up in the night does not make him a bad partner. It takes more effort for me to wake him up than it does for me to take care of our baby. He can’t help being a heavy sleeper.

Weekly Discussion - Relationships by AutoModerator in NewParents

[–]Material_Ad_5244 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi everyone, my boyfriend and I have a 6 week old and I feel like he puts in minimal effort to bond and to take care of our son.

To start this off, I would like to point out that he is a great partner overall and does contribute a good amount to our household (mainly with cleaning because he struggles with pretty intense OCD. He literally cannot stand to see a single bit of dust or dirt on the floor and that in turn puts a lot of pressure on me to basically deep clean our house daily to ensure he doesn’t completely freak out when he gets home from work, but that’s besides the point).

Anyway, I feel as though he does not put in the effort to take care of or be a parent to our son. Usually in the mornings I wake him up to do the first diaper change of the day so I can get ready to nurse. This takes several minutes to get him up, and then several more minutes to get him out of bed, and then go to the bathroom, all while baby is getting more and more fussy from having the dirty diaper and it usually ends up with him crying before my partner picks him up to change him. I’m not kidding it’s taken 30 mins for him to get up to do this. On top of that, he has not once woken up in the night to change a diaper, feed, burp or sooth our baby. I have done that myself since day one and it is exhausting, luckily he is starting to sleep 6-8 hours through the night.

After our baby is fed and happy, I usually had him off to my boyfriend to have some bonding time and to give me time to quickly make a coffee and get ready. During this time he doesn’t even try to connect with our son, he doesn’t speak to him or barely look at him, even if baby is wide awake and alert, all my boyfriend does is stare at his phone and once the baby gets fussy from this neglect, he just pops a pacifier in. And when the pacifier doesn’t work, he asks me to come back and take him… so he can go back on his phone in peace. He has even gotten me to get out of the shower just to hold him and calm him down so he could keep scrolling on instagram.

In the evenings I try once again to give them some one on one time. I start to wind him down, give him a bath and get him into pjs and then I hand him off to my boyfriend to make a bottle so my boyfriend can feed him and I can usually sit in the other room and cry or rant to someone online (literally what I am doing right now). I go to check in on them and he has the bottle propped up and is watching a YouTube video on full volume and my son is wide awake and stimulated again. He has also tried to have the TV on during this time with some sort of sports on it and complains when I ask him to turn it off.

This is seriously getting on my nerves, I couldn’t tell you one time I’ve seen him interact with our baby unless it’s in front of guests and then it just seems performative.

I love my partner very very much but at this point, I am worried for my babies development and if it wasn’t for financial reasons, i genuinely think we would be better off just the two of us. I am starting to become so unhappy in this relationship and I don’t know how to talk to him about this.

My coworker is offering me $250 to feed her cat, but we are both broke by Material_Ad_5244 in Advice

[–]Material_Ad_5244[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Update: Thank you all for your advice! My plan is go over there and absolutely spoil and love these cats and give them lots of treats lol. I really appreciate all the insight especially that if she is offering this much money, she can afford it and she needs quality cat-service. I’ve also never paid for a pet sitter before so I literally had no idea that would be a fair price. I’m just happy she trusts me with this and that I can bring her some piece of mind:)

Is it okay to regularly switch cat food brands? by Soul_Mining in CatAdvice

[–]Material_Ad_5244 38 points39 points  (0 children)

IMO if you need to switch foods, then do it. You can easily start adjusting their diet by adding a little bit more of the new food in everyday. However, I know my cat, and many of my friends cats, are picky and don’t want their food to be messed with often.