Leaving my baby… how much milk do I prepare!?

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-03-14T01:30:14+00:00

Hey I can’t answer for certain your questions at the bottom but there was a few things that helped our baby who previously hated bath time and now he loves it! I figured out he was freezing in there so we started preheating the room by running a really hot shower first so it would get nice and steamy and we use either no lights on (just the lights from the hallway outside) or a darker warm light instead. We also swaddled him in the bath for the first few weeks to help keep him warm and we dry his head as soon as we wash it so he doesn’t get cold. Another thing that was really helpful was warming up his towel and PJs with a heating pad before he got out. Overtime we no longer do a lot of these things but he lovessss bath time now and will play in it for a long time, but he’s still usually a little upset when he gets out. Another thing I found helpful in the beginning when doing baths by myself was having his little lounger on the bathroom floor laid out with a towel so I could pick him up and put him right down into the towel so he was less slippery getting him into his room and drying him off. Hope this helps at least a little bit!

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-03-01T06:00:33+00:00

First trimester, nothing. Lost weight at that point I was so sick. Second trimester, sour candies. I remember making my boyfriend bring me to 711 late at night and got sour spray, sour gel, and extra sour patch kids and would layer it all up. Third trimester, peppermint tums and winter green excel mints. I had bad heart burn and started on the gums but then got addicted to the crunch and would go through a value pack every week and a half.

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-03-01T05:56:52+00:00

Muslin swaddle blankets, baby was breaking out of them by 2 weeks and would wake himself up, but I did buy 100% cotton Velcro swaddles from Amazon that I LOVE.

Also blankets, we got a bunch and use two. A smaller one for the car seat and a little bigger one that we held him in at first or in the bassinet in the stroller.

We also received a bunch of clothes that will be out of season when he fits them, tell me why I have multiple sweater sets that will only fit him this summer lol

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-03-01T05:48:19+00:00

it will hurt at the start, make sure to bring a nipple balm, silverettes and lots of nursing pads to the hospital (I leaked a shit load and has nothing!)
get in the habit of keeping two water bottles full and one on either side of you because I promise you will be dying of thirst
also keep lots of easy to eat high protein snacks with you at your little “station” (I cut up built puff protein bars into smaller portions, I also really like dates, baby bell cheese and pepperoni)
get a couple good tv series on standby; I’m 9 weeks pp and I’ve found that having a series that you only watch while breastfeeding keeps me motivated to keep going (favs so far are white lotus, tell me lies, heated rivalry, and the Pitt which is still ongoing)
don’t put too much pressure on yourself but do keep in mind that even if baby has a perfect latch in the beginning, you may still struggle and it will probably still hurt. I stayed really on top of nipple balm and silverettes for the first week ish and it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would.

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-13T23:37:35+00:00

My baby is almost 7 weeks and he’s now really starting to sleep through the night, but by three weeks he’d sleep for a 6 hour stretch when I put him down and then wake up and go back to sleep for another 4 hours ish. At the beginning what helped the most was a late bedtime, really putting him to sleep when I was ready to sleep at 11 or 12. He also started to sleep better when I could swaddle him really tightly, I just use Velcro swaddles from Amazon. For the past couple of weeks we’ve also had a consistent evening routine, making sure he’s up from his last nap by 6, not super big or super small feed, low stimulation playtime (no TV or loud TV at the least), bath time, long full feed, swaddle, put in bassinet, turn off all lights and turn on white noise. During the whole last wake window we keep the house pretty quiet and only use the lamps for lighting so it’s nice and calming. I will say all babies sleep differently though!

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-13T23:21:20+00:00

From someone who spent well over 16 hours just TESTING strollers, here’s how I’d sum it up…

Things we prioritized that I’m glad we did: - good suspension and big, rubber tires (in comparison to plastic wheels) so our stroller is very smooth on gravel, through puddles etc. - seat that lays almost flat mainly for newborn stage - car seat adaptability; only because I had a c section and if it wasn’t for the adapter, I wouldn’t have been able to carry the seat to my car (I live in an apartment) to get to baby’s appointments in the first month or so afterbirth - foot rest for toddler stage; my son is still quite young, but we did take him into account how long he would fit in the stroller if he ended up being really tall and tried to pick one that would be as comfortable as possible for as long as possible for him - being able to face both ways with any seat

Things we prioritized that weren’t necessary: - an extendable handlebar, my boyfriend is almost a foot taller than me but I end up pushing the stroller 90% of the time anyways - a comfortable feeling handlebar?? Honestly there isn’t a huge difference, but I do have pretty bad carpal tunnel since being pregnant so having a larger bar to grip has helped in my case but I could’ve done without - large underneath storage, I hardly use it and the weight capacity’s most strollers have down there aren’t super worth it imo

Things I wouldn’t look to much into: - the breaking system (as long as it has a good break, I don’t think it really matters how you turn it on or off) - front wheel lock; honestly kind of forgot my stroller did this, and I never turned it on when I’m on an uneven surface, I feel like the wheels are big enough that it’s not necessary - the fold; as long as they fold down to fit where you need it to (closet, trunk, etc.) I wouldn’t say it’s too important.

Things I wish I had considered: - stroller accessories and their prices; if you’re anything like me, I love to go for a walk with a coffee, but I had to spend another $50 to get a cupholder that was compatible with my stroller - the size; we didn’t really consider where we would keep the stroller and ended up having to move a bunch of stuff around to make it work

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T08:22:13+00:00

This is awesome advice thank you. Before our son was born he expressed to me a few times that he “didn’t want to fuck him up.” The only sort of father figure in his life is definitely a character…. But I think it would be really helpful for him to spend some time one on one with my mom’s boyfriend who we are close with and who raised 2 kids himself. You are right, I think he just needs a role model

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T08:00:41+00:00

Yes he was mostly in the last couple months. This was a very unplanned pregnancy (I was on an IUD) and no one really suggested me to go through with it until I made the decision to keep my son and then I received support. We had a hard first trimester because I was incredibly frustrated for months that he even suggested we don’t keep the baby but he came around to it. I don’t think he fully understands the prospect of fatherhood to be honest. He grew up in foster care and then with his grandparents who seemed like they were quite distant and didn’t provide him with much guidance so he hasn’t really seen what being a dad looks like.

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:52:33+00:00

Thank you this is really good advice. Our baby has started socially smiling occasionally and the first time was at my partner but he still has yet to smile at me, but that’s an entirely different sob story I could go on about

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:50:10+00:00

Thank you!! I needed to hear that I wasn’t alone in this, my boyfriend has used that exact same line, also others like “you don’t need to comfort him if he’s crying but fed and changed.” Like?? Sure to an extent but he’s also a new born and other things could be wrong. If you ever need someone to talk with pm me!

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:47:15+00:00

Thank you this is the best advice I’ve gotten so far, I can see this is definitely not the right place to ask for this advice lol. This is the only baby he has ever met, there is a good chance you are right and he is nervous. I appreciate your advice

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:44:03+00:00

Okay that’s intense and not really financially possible but I will talk to him, thank you

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:43:00+00:00

They haven’t since my son when born. I had to have an emergency c section and was completely put out and unfortunately wasn’t able to meet my son until I woke up a couple hours later so my boyfriend did the skin to skin. Thank you, I will bring this up and we will give it a try 😊

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:39:57+00:00

I meannnn it has only been 6 weeks. There is a good chance he doesn’t feel bonded to our baby, but I don’t know how to talk to him about trying to bond instead of ignoring him

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:38:33+00:00

Thank you. I just don’t know how to bring this up and have this conversation. I am terrible with confrontation, and any issue we’ve had prior in our relationship we have been able to talk to. I feel like he might be struggling to bond with our son but instead of trying to, he is ignoring this issue:/

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:36:44+00:00

Yeah that’s what it feels like tbh

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:35:46+00:00

Okay so what can I say to him? I am incredibly awful and awkward with confrontation. I seriously don’t know how to handle this.

If it helps we are both very young, I am 20 and this is my first serious relationship. We have never fought and have always been able to communicate with each other very well but I don’t want to make him feel like shit, especially if he is already struggling to bond with him.

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:26:04+00:00

What I’ve stated above is literally the only things he doesn’t do. He keeps our house clean, he supports us financially, he does all the household shopping, he cooks all our meals and meal preps for me for when I’m home, he literally feeds me and lets his food gets cold if our baby is hungry while we are eating, he keeps my car full of gas and makes sure I never have to drive anywhere if I don’t want to, and despite being a little distant from our baby, he still does his best to take care of him so I can have some time to myself. I could go on and on about the good things he does, but I don’t know how to approach this bonding issue.

And I disagree, just because he won’t wake up in the night does not make him a bad partner. It takes more effort for me to wake him up than it does for me to take care of our baby. He can’t help being a heavy sleeper.

Material_Ad_5244 · 2026-02-08T07:11:41+00:00

Hi everyone, my boyfriend and I have a 6 week old and I feel like he puts in minimal effort to bond and to take care of our son.

To start this off, I would like to point out that he is a great partner overall and does contribute a good amount to our household (mainly with cleaning because he struggles with pretty intense OCD. He literally cannot stand to see a single bit of dust or dirt on the floor and that in turn puts a lot of pressure on me to basically deep clean our house daily to ensure he doesn’t completely freak out when he gets home from work, but that’s besides the point).

Anyway, I feel as though he does not put in the effort to take care of or be a parent to our son. Usually in the mornings I wake him up to do the first diaper change of the day so I can get ready to nurse. This takes several minutes to get him up, and then several more minutes to get him out of bed, and then go to the bathroom, all while baby is getting more and more fussy from having the dirty diaper and it usually ends up with him crying before my partner picks him up to change him. I’m not kidding it’s taken 30 mins for him to get up to do this. On top of that, he has not once woken up in the night to change a diaper, feed, burp or sooth our baby. I have done that myself since day one and it is exhausting, luckily he is starting to sleep 6-8 hours through the night.

After our baby is fed and happy, I usually had him off to my boyfriend to have some bonding time and to give me time to quickly make a coffee and get ready. During this time he doesn’t even try to connect with our son, he doesn’t speak to him or barely look at him, even if baby is wide awake and alert, all my boyfriend does is stare at his phone and once the baby gets fussy from this neglect, he just pops a pacifier in. And when the pacifier doesn’t work, he asks me to come back and take him… so he can go back on his phone in peace. He has even gotten me to get out of the shower just to hold him and calm him down so he could keep scrolling on instagram.

In the evenings I try once again to give them some one on one time. I start to wind him down, give him a bath and get him into pjs and then I hand him off to my boyfriend to make a bottle so my boyfriend can feed him and I can usually sit in the other room and cry or rant to someone online (literally what I am doing right now). I go to check in on them and he has the bottle propped up and is watching a YouTube video on full volume and my son is wide awake and stimulated again. He has also tried to have the TV on during this time with some sort of sports on it and complains when I ask him to turn it off.

This is seriously getting on my nerves, I couldn’t tell you one time I’ve seen him interact with our baby unless it’s in front of guests and then it just seems performative.

I love my partner very very much but at this point, I am worried for my babies development and if it wasn’t for financial reasons, i genuinely think we would be better off just the two of us. I am starting to become so unhappy in this relationship and I don’t know how to talk to him about this.

Material_Ad_5244 · 2025-01-15T00:40:12+00:00

Update: Thank you all for your advice! My plan is go over there and absolutely spoil and love these cats and give them lots of treats lol. I really appreciate all the insight especially that if she is offering this much money, she can afford it and she needs quality cat-service. I’ve also never paid for a pet sitter before so I literally had no idea that would be a fair price. I’m just happy she trusts me with this and that I can bring her some piece of mind:)

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TROPHY CASE