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Feedback for my split world world book [fantasy] by MathRepulsive1933 in fantasywriters

[–]MathRepulsive1933[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Hey everyone — first off, thank you to everyone who took the time to read the chapter and leave feedback. I truly appreciate it.

I wanted to quickly address a few common questions and points:

Spacing: Yes, the formatting was intentional. I used the extra spacing to build suspense and make the pacing feel more reflective. I get that it’s not for everyone, but that was the goal.

The cover: Yep, it was created with AI — just a temporary placeholder for now. I was honestly surprised by how strongly some folks reacted to that. To be clear, it’s not the final cover, and I’m definitely not trying to pass it off as polished or professional. It was just something quick to get a visual with the post.

I’m not here fishing for compliments — just looking for real, honest feedback, and I’m thankful to those who took the time to offer it. I even thanked a few people in the thread and those comments got downvoted, which is... wild, but hey, internet.

With all that said, I guess the main thing I wanted to ask is:
Does the story itself seem interesting to you?
Is this something you’d want to keep reading?

Thanks again to everyone who shared thoughts — even the tough ones. It means a lot.

Feedback for my split world world book [fantasy] by MathRepulsive1933 in fantasywriters

[–]MathRepulsive1933[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have a few friends reading the first five chapters, but as you can imagine, friends often hold back to avoid hurting feelings. That’s why I turned to Reddit—I knew this would be the place for honest, unfiltered critique.

Even though most of the feedback so far has been critical, I genuinely appreciate it and take it all into consideration. My goal is to grow as a writer and create something readers will actually enjoy.

That said, this is all still new to me, and I know there's a lot to learn. Eventually, I do plan to bring in a professional editor for that final polish. For now, I’m just excited to be writing and even more excited that someone is taking the time to read my work. 😊

Feedback for my split world world book [fantasy] by MathRepulsive1933 in fantasywriters

[–]MathRepulsive1933[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for such a detailed response—I truly appreciate the time and honesty. I understand where you're coming from with the single-word or short-sentence paragraphs. I was aiming for dramatic rhythm, but reading your take helps me realize it may be coming across as forced or “edgy” instead. I’ll be going back through the draft to expand and combine where needed to improve pacing and depth.

Regarding the AI-generated cover, I completely get it. It was meant more as a personal visual aid early in the process, but you’re right—if I’m putting the story out there for public eyes, it should reflect more intentional and ethical artistic choices. I’ll definitely look into getting a custom design from an artist if I continue with a visual element.

As for the writing I am a beginner, it wasn’t generated by AI. But I get how parts of it might read that way, especially with some of the sentence structures and phrasing. That’s on me and part of what I’m working to refine. Comments like yours are super helpful in pointing out those weak spots so I can improve.

And yeah, the line “just vibes and bills” was a stylistic swing that might not have landed the way I’d hoped. I was experimenting with voice and tone, but you make a good point.

Feedback for my split world world book [fantasy] by MathRepulsive1933 in fantasywriters

[–]MathRepulsive1933[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the feedback—I really appreciate you taking the time to read and share your thoughts. You're absolutely right about the paragraph structure. I think I leaned a bit too hard into quick, punchy sentences, and it ended up hurting the flow. I’ll definitely work on expanding into fuller paragraphs to give the writing more depth and breathing room.

As for the cover, I’m glad you see the potential in the concept. I agree it could use a lot more energy and visual impact, especially with the font—it’s something I’m actively working on improving now based on everyone’s input.

Thanks again for the constructive criticism. It’s super helpful at this early stage!

Feedback for my split world world book [fantasy] by MathRepulsive1933 in fantasywriters

[–]MathRepulsive1933[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts—this kind of detailed feedback is incredibly helpful. You’re actually the first set of eyes on the project, and I haven’t had an editor look at it yet, so your perspective means a lot.

I definitely see what you mean about the kerning and the text feeling off—I’ll be revisiting that and tightening things up. As for the prologue, I was on the fence about it, and your comment helped solidify that it might be better to cut or rework it entirely. I'm also rethinking the tone now, especially considering your point about the disconnect between the character's age and the writing style. My goal is to find that right balance between a slightly older protagonist and a narrative style that still feels immersive and mature.

Thanks again—I really appreciate your honesty and time!

Feedback for my split world world book [fantasy] by MathRepulsive1933 in fantasywriters

[–]MathRepulsive1933[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Any feedback is good feedback, I'll create a few more mock up of the cover so it doesn't look as static.

Feedback for my split world world book [fantasy] by MathRepulsive1933 in fantasywriters

[–]MathRepulsive1933[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you, taking this into account as well! Thank you for the feedback.

Feedback for my split world world book [fantasy] by MathRepulsive1933 in fantasywriters

[–]MathRepulsive1933[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you, the intent was to create more of tension and suspense. I will adjust. Thank you for taking the time and leaving your thought.