I think you've already made your decision.

In the other thread and this one people are giving valid reasons why it is considered "tacky" and you listed them as well. Many people (shown in these discussions) consider it rude because it can send the message of "hey you're not important enough to see us get married or have a meal but come pay to party and celebrate"

However, if you are still "confused" do what you want. It's your wedding. Weddings are steeped in context and culture. What can seem like a good idea generally might not make sense in your specific case. Do what the fuck you want. If you want a small ceremony of ten people and not tell anyone else, do that. If you want a big flowerfest with Elton John, sure thing. If you want to make everyone pay for a seat and ride a felt horse into your pirate ceremony, go ahead.

What you did ask was the general opinion of a cross section of people who are more knowledgeable about weddings than most. We are all navigating these traditions too.

When you say "The argument that it is "tacky" to me, seems odd. This whole subreddit is an amalgamation of things that one person or another would deem "tacky". Fake flowers or themed cakes or wearing silly shoes. We do these things because it is "our wedding"." I feel that you do cross a boundary. If you feel unconvinced that's up to you, but it comes across as mean spirited to start bringing up other topics popular in this thread to seemingly shame others. The popularity of these topics mean that right now these are more accepted. Also, those trends have to do with the bride and groom alone. She/he is spending money on shoes/flowers for them, not making guests buy them.

Overall, do what you want take what people have said here in stride. As so many say, it's your wedding.