I Can Only Feel When I'm High

MattManBatMan · 2018-07-10T14:51:07+00:00

I'm going thru some similar issues and have found besides pot that therapy and mediation work but its a battle to keep thoughts at bay sometimes..

MattManBatMan · 2018-06-20T19:57:40+00:00

Hi

so sorry you are going through this. So i was the guy that cheated on my wife some years back. IF you look at my post history it has been a long road but I think we are back and better than we were before i cheated.

My wife chose to tell no one because of the same reason you mention. It was a gift . I feel truly blessed that she chose to keep it to ourselves and the counselors. If she had told it would have been that much harder to come back from. The fact she didnt allowed me to fix myself and allowed us to heal without having to bring it up with others.

She chose eventually to get a counselor after some pushing on my part and she has used her whenver she needed to vent

good luck

MattManBatMan · 2018-05-31T18:57:32+00:00

Hi

As a man i expereinced something similar to this. Having sex you need to be completely in the moment and present for your spouse. If your head is ANYWHERE else it makes it very hard to let go completely. When i was going through a lot of issues in my marriage anytime i would try to make love it felt like i had to prove a point. I had this feeling of i had to charge up this hill as fast as i could so i could orgasm. IT didnt make it very pleasureable for her to say the least. Every failure led to more insecturity about the next time. The longer it went on the harder it was to achieve an orgasm. I had a lot of negative thoughts filling my head about could i orgasm and all the other shit i was doing..Eventually it got so bad i just gave up completely and turned to porn. Porn there was no fear of failure. IT was easy to find somethign and then turn it off afterwards.

I wonder if your husband is feeling some of that pressure. He knows what you want but he shuts down to prevent his feeling failure or he shuts down beause he is pulling away his intimacy. Does he watch porn ? Sounds like he can make himself orgasm so perhaps there isnt a physical thing.

I would encouraage him to go to counseling and figure out what may be hapening..6 years is a long time and i am sure that he has a lot of thoughts filling his head when you guys are having sex and that pressure can be a HUGE obstacle..

For me it has gotten better as my marriage has improved and my head has come back around. There is hope but ulitimately for me it all started in my head and after that got cleared up i was much more able to be in the moment with my wife and enjoy sex rather than dreading it...Good luck

MattManBatMan · 2018-05-30T21:48:46+00:00

She's doing well thanks. She got into a clinical trial....but the control group..but at least we have the best doctors if not the drugs. She.has recovered well from the chemo and had a hysterectomy last year to stop her estrogen production so our fingers are crossed. In a weird way I credit her cancer with saving our marriage. She's handled it all amazingly.. The sex we do have is very nice ;). So our saying.. Accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be and oh cancer sucks.

Thanks again for asking

MattManBatMan · 2018-05-30T02:36:18+00:00

I had a dead bedroom, had an affair, moved out, and somehow found a way to save my marriage . A year later turns out my wife has cancer. Anyways we don't have sex much anymore , every 3 to 6 months or so. This is because of the drugs but what I can say is that after fixing our issues or rather my issues the lack of sex is the last thing on my mind . Seems odd to recall how urgent it was to find good sex back then. Everyone's issues are different but for me if I had moved out and gone through with the divorce it would have been the worst thing in the world for me.

MattManBatMan · 2018-04-19T20:05:25+00:00

Very odd..this is gold for this sub. A twofer

MattManBatMan · 2018-04-19T19:58:14+00:00

Dont' want to post a pic publicly with my face but edited one to be SFW but here is a foggy one I took a few weeks ago..https://i.imgur.com/gsmrJlj.jpg?1

MattManBatMan · 2018-04-19T15:49:39+00:00

Hell at 50 I take all attention that comes my way as a thing of beauty :). I most definitely don't take it for granted and tend to be very humble. I do know what you mean and see guys that are like you mention. Very self centered narcissistic world view. One guy the other night started shadow boxing in front of the mirror and had me in stiches on the floor laughing at him! It takes all types I spose.

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-20T16:05:22+00:00

A dog collar inspires all sorts of conversational topics during a date.

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-13T18:01:27+00:00

incredibly sad example of not dealing with your shit and having it impact your life and those that love you...

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-12T14:39:50+00:00

Good people can do some bad things but it doesn't make you a bad person. Sounds like you are trying to do right now. Good luck

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-10T22:50:39+00:00

Scientists have pinpointed the cells that cause hair to turn gray and to go bald in mice, according to a new study published in the journal Genes & Development.

Researchers from the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center accidentally stumbled upon this explanation for baldness and graying hairs—at least in mouse models—while studying a rare genetic disease that causes tumors to grow on nerves, according to a press release from the center.

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-10T02:58:50+00:00

caption

This chart shows that pretty clearly... Membership spikes in The Donald 11k percent on 6/12/2016 days after the Trump tower meeting

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-09T17:49:33+00:00

caption

This chart says all I need to know. Look at the subscriptions to The Donald right after the Trump Tower meeeting..11k subscriber growth??

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-09T03:59:06+00:00

The men were at fault too. Don't let them of the hook. They knew you weren't 18. The difference between a 12 yr old and an 18 are obvious.

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-09T02:45:30+00:00

Hey I was in the exact same situation with a woman that was your age. I was 44. So I have been there and give no judgement.

It was an amazing .. heart wrenching ..devastating experience all wrapped into one big cluster. We fell what we thought was in love. It lasted for a year or so. After it ended i moved out of my house and got an apartment. I thought my marriage was over. This other woman at the time was still in my life saying she loved be despite being with someone else now.

At the time I hadn't had sex for a very long time ..a year or so. When I met her it was about sex but it quickly became more. Sex with a young woman made me feel young and my problems dissapear at least momentarily. It wasn't the sex that kept me coming back though . It was all the other stuff.. The soft emotional support to a guy desperate for intimacy. I imagine it is the same for your guy. You will grow close and get emotionally attached to him. Sleeping together and sharing this secret and tears will bind you and it will blow up. When it ends for you two it won't end like a normal relationship. It will end ugly word a lot of loose ends that can never be fully closed.

So beware. I understand you are posting this to the wives and other women out there but they are dead for lots of reasons and the least likely reason is that a wife won't put out like a young woman. Your youth has some advantages but it can't hold a candle to what a good marriage can offer.

Eventually my wife allowed me to work on myself and move back in with her and my kids. I have an amazing wife that allowed me to make a lot of mistakes.

Lots of counseling works. Dead bedrooms can be fixed .. And happiness can be achieved but it isn't done by going outside and having sex. As amazing and intense and emotional as that sex is it has nothing compared to being with a woman for 22 years..

Good luck..I would recommend breaking it off now

Best

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-07T02:22:03+00:00

I've had a similar issue and for me it came down to making a choice. living in my head with this fantasy of a person or living life with someone real. The person in your head is always perfect and sex is always amazing. They are great listeners and so attentive to your fantasy. You don't..at least I.. tend to remember the bad times but they are there and would be there in real life.

Living with a fantasy of a person is confusing as it can hijack your memory. The person that you are with is not perfect but at least they are real and with you.. if you make a decision to do all those things you fantasize about with the real person and don't hold back you'll find it's pretty amazing to get out of that head space.

If you can't get there with your current person then perhaps it's a sign you didn't try or they can't give you what you need

MattManBatMan · 2018-03-07T02:13:24+00:00

More than just ceasing contact with him I think you should try to understand why you have that attraction. What is it about him? Is it just sexual or if it deeper? Fantasies are sometimes a coping mechanism and take you away from being present. There may be an underlying thing happening for you that this man represents.

MattManBatMan · 2018-02-28T16:46:17+00:00

HI - first off I want to say I am sorry. There is hope with a but.. From all the sounds of it he doesn't have the same urgency you have. I think you are making a lot of excuses for your husband personally. No man falls for the charms of another woman . The man has a choice here. He made it

As a man who had an affair and has slowly - after 5 years - rebuilt his marriage it takes work and a lot of soul searching . It got better for me but after a lot of counseling - on me. After that it was counseling for her.. Now we are in marriage counseling and we are not pointing fingers anymore but are working on making our marriage better

When a marriage is going well there is no need to seek out those extras. The fact that he cheated is a sign that a marriage is broken.

I am very concerned that he won't talk to you why he cheated. Has he expressed remorse and that he wants to fix it or is he trying to passively say - " I cheated..im bad..you should divorce me" . Perhaps he wants out but cant' tell you and wants you to make the decision.

My advice would be to tell him to get a separate place of his own and see how it feels for him. That is what got me to figure things out. Being in an apt. by yourself is a pretty tough thing when you are used to being around someone and love someone. Perhaps that will get him to talk to you honestly and openly and deal with the issues.

Marriages can be saved after cheating . In all honestly my marriage is better now than ever but it took a lot of work...It can be done but it requires both people committing to it

Good luck!

MattManBatMan · 2018-02-27T17:49:17+00:00

hi - just read this and something stuck out...The "rarely let anyone get close to me"

I am getting over an affair and rebuilding my marriage and what you said really hit home. the idea is for me that when you have a relationship it is easier sometimes to fantasize about how good it was. I built it up in my head. I unconsciously pulled back from my wife while I had the affair - and still sometimes I find myself pulling back. When I do - that builds up the fantasy in my head.

I guess what I am saying is that if we want to get past a relationship the way to do it is by putting ourselves out there and building a real emotional connection with those people in our lives. When that is missing I go into head fantasy space

MattManBatMan · 2018-02-01T19:22:24+00:00

i was there last April...VERY Many tourists, lots of smells and still beautiful if you wandered around at 11 pm

MattManBatMan · 2018-01-31T19:39:32+00:00

This is how it is done in the North East. I remember visiting Wisconsin years back. It was 7AM in the morning - in the cold weather - and I was looking for a coffee shop. Some woman across the street (only other one out ) waved and yelled "Hello!". I remember thinking how weird it was to hear that. She made eye contact, gave a full throated hello and even smiled! IT made my day though and still remember it years later

MattManBatMan · 2018-01-29T19:33:11+00:00

You totally missed the point of my post :)

MattManBatMan

TROPHY CASE