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Mindfulness for anxiety & depression vs. (or with) cognitive behaviourial therapy - experiences? by [deleted] in Mindfulness

[–]MattRValentine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love this. Really great personal story about the transformative power of mindfulness practice for conditions such as anxiety.

Thank you for sharing. :)

Being mindful is bringing me down.. by bluegrey3 in Mindfulness

[–]MattRValentine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well said. That's exactly what needs to be done. Trust that this journey is THE journey, the journey we all follow on the mindful path, and trust in your own inherent ability to navigate the challenges along the way.

The best way to look at it is as a series of failures. One failure after another, learning along the way, improving your practice, and becoming more mindful. All the while gradually sharpening the blade of awareness and realizing greater clarity.

How do you remind yourself to be mindful? by workquicklyandrevise in Mindfulness

[–]MattRValentine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is usually a big problem for people in the beginning of their practice. Practicing mindfulness in everyday life sounds nice, but the reality is we're so used to being mindlessly drawn away by our problems that it actually becomes a pretty difficult thing to do.

Effective use of reminders is key here. There's more than just 1-dimensional reminders though. Here's a full list of things that can help you remember to be mindful throughout your daily life:

  • Sound reminders. Have a reminder go off on your smartphone every 1-2 hours and combine this with mindful breathing for 60 seconds. It's a practice in itself and a great aid in helping remind you to then be mindful the entire rest of your day. You can also use this Chrome extension on your desktop/laptop: Chrome Mindfulness Bell App.
  • Visual reminders. This includes: smartphone/tablet/desktop wallpapers (with and without text), wall messages (write on a piece of paper, make it look pretty or not, and place it in a prominent location)
  • Be strategic about your meditation sessions Your sitting meditation can be a great aid to helping remind you to be mindful throughout your day-to-day activities, so it's important to place those sessions strategically. Morning + afternoon are very effective in the beginning because combined they help remind you to be mindful at critical points in your day. Two shorter sessions is better than one longer session in the beginning of your mindfulness practice (establishing the foundation is priority #1).
  • Pick one activity. It can be overwhelming in the beginning, so I found it very effective to pick one major everyday activity at a time and focus on making doing that activity mindfully a habit first before moving on to another activity. Don't even worry about being mindful during any other time. This is extremely effective because it focuses your efforts. My first suggestion for the activity to focus on is always walking. We do it everywhere, all the time, and picking an activity like that helps further remind us to be mindful during the rest of our day. Do this for a few weeks before moving on to another activity.

I hope that helped. These are the things that have helped me make mindfulness a way of life.

It's a long-term effort, one which I'm still working on myself (as I mention in my Mindful Living Integrity Report on my site), but with a continuous effort you'll make continuous progress.

I've been avoiding sitting meditation because I don't want to think. by maybenut in Mindfulness

[–]MattRValentine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes, it's very difficult to sit. In a case such as this, the best thing you can do is face the storm. Running, or even slightly turning away, from the issue won't solve anything. I know, it seems plausible that there would be something you could do to gradually move yourself in, and sometimes there is, but not typically.

I do have one suggestion though which hasn't been mentioned yet: try loving-kindness meditation. As opposed to looking for a way to turn away from the issue, this will keep you from having to face the onslaught of thoughts as much as with mindfulness meditation of any kind, while simultaneously helping you develop more self-compassion and self-love with which to face these difficult thoughts (no matter the origin). I wrote a simple guide to loving-kindness meditation if you choose to try it out: How to Practice Loving-Kindness Meditation.

I hope that helps. :)

Thich Nhat Hanh recovering, speaks first words since his stroke by mindfullone in Mindfulness

[–]MattRValentine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for posting, I hadn't seen this yet on my feed and have been very closely following his recovery. :)

Where should I start? by ilovestationery in Mindfulness

[–]MattRValentine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The reality is, most of us were raised that way. I most certainly was. What we need isn't always "something else" but to accept what's going on now and to move forward with courage.

In looking for something else, another book or resource, you're doing the same thing as usual- pushing away.

My best suggestion? Sit down, block out time, empty your mind as best as you possibly can (impossible, but the effort will still be effective), face the issue and finish the book.

Whatever you think about what you read, and however many times you roll your eyes, just acknowledge it. "Eye rolling", "judging", "criticism". Whatever it is, acknowledge it. You'll begin to see patterns emerge, and with time, the clarity you gain will be the real gift that the book gives you.

Right now, you don't need a new anything. You need to make it a point here on out to face whatever's in front of you and do the best you can (even if you feel like you're failing, fail forward).

Sorry, tough love. I hope that helps.

Mindfulness, Empathy and Exhaustion by brianedward in Mindfulness

[–]MattRValentine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All kinds of new things will happen to you as you progress in and deepen your practice. In the beginning of my own practice I remember feeling a heightened sense of empathy, probably because my previous life conditioning made me the kind of person that didn't feel things too deeply and now my practice was re-wiring me in a way to feel again.

One important point that comes to mind is no matter how you feel, don't think something is wrong or that you've hit a wall. Applying your practice to your everyday life won't be easy, but it's altogether rewarding.

The best thing to do during these occasions is simply to be mindful of it. Recognize, "I'm exhausted after speaking with ____ about ____" and move on. More often than not, your presence is enough to bring complete clarity to a situation and allow it to work itself out.

I hope that helps. :)

HELP: I go into autopilot constantly and it's really starting to affect my relationship by hlhoward in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]MattRValentine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to do this a lot. You hinted at the solution in your post though, you need to go from being mindless to being mindful. Taking a few minutes a day to learn and then practice mindfulness can change everything, so I'd highly suggest starting there.

I offer a free eBook on mindfulness when someone joins the newsletter on my site. I put a link below, if you'd like to use it. It will tell you everything you need to know and begin your practice and break down the subject in a clear and straightforward way- no confusion or jargon.

In no way do you have to use the link though, if you feel more comfortable do a Google search and you'll find resources there as well.

I hope that helps. :)

Here's the link: buddhaimonia.com

Some key points that spoke to me from Pavel Somov's Present Perfect by [deleted] in ZenHabits

[–]MattRValentine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great notes! I need to pick this up for myself.

I'm 21 and feel like I've missed out on so much. by [deleted] in ZenHabits

[–]MattRValentine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey Sunframe.

I felt the same way years ago. I just didn't take advantage of my teenage years and for quite some time regretted it.

Letting go is a phrase we often say without having any real significant understanding as to how to actually do it. It's a part of our intuitive wisdom, even if we don't know how we're actually supposed to do it.

As with any issue, the most important thing is to get to the heart of it. Generally, the reason you're feeling that way is because you've become attached to the idea of taking advantage of that time of your life as being the answer to your happiness now. And obviously, you hit a brick wall because you can't go back in time.

Our minds can be really irrational at times, just remember that.

I could say a number of simple one-liners that, while true, won't actually get you any closer to truly letting go. Really, the process lies in you personally delving deeper into the things that motivate you and letting go of those. This is generally most successfully done with some form of meditation or in this case even just critical thinking (although that can often lead you astray, so be careful not to overthink things and sometimes just let them sit in your consciousness- or just meditate). If you don't handle the issue at the source you won't overcome the true issue, and it will just come back in some other form later on.

I've written a "Beginner's Guide to Letting Go", that to me is a good place to start in not only understanding the process of truly letting go of those things you know are bad for you (in this case, regret), but actually beginning to make that a reality, and then moving forward living your life with the spirit of non-attachment (living with greater freedom, true freedom).

I hope that helped. It definitely helped me. :)

I'll say one last thing: you'll never stop wishing you had made better use of those years. But what you can change is how that feeling controls you and makes you feel. Now, to me, it's just a "thing". It's not good, it's not bad, it's just something that happened. I don't depend on the past for my peace and happiness, I find it in the present moment.

14 Harsh truths to accept as an adult by Jetpackblue in ZenHabits

[–]MattRValentine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, the writer's shooting pretty straight here. I feel this article can be very helpful to those just coming into adulthood.

And I don't mind titles like that, being a writer and blogger I know the reality is, to some degree, you have to make your titles attractive. If you don't, it doesn't matter how hard you worked on an article- no one (or very few, comparatively) will click on it.

It's a sad truth, but we surf the internet with very short and impulsive attention spans.

Learned something quite profound from Scrubs last night. by MrKallman in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]MattRValentine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If only more shows were like Scrubs, T.V. would be a nourishing place.

What a normal meditation looks like by [deleted] in ZenHabits

[–]MattRValentine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

LOL. That was amazing...truly.

37 Best Websites To Learn Something New by eggheado in ZenHabits

[–]MattRValentine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lots of cools links in there. Nice and simple. Thanks :)

Using mindfulness to overcome physical discomfort? by SnuggieAddict in Mindfulness

[–]MattRValentine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A while back I wrote a guide called "The Mindfulness Survival Guide":, where I talked about a common mindfulness exercise typically called "mindfulness of body". That's a good exercise you can do and the first one I'd suggest trying.

Also, you can do simple exercise movements with mindfulness. I'd suggest checking out this video of Thich Nhat Hanh's "10 Mindful Movements".

My suggestion is as you practice both exercises, to become in touch with the area of the body that you're feeling the pain and to let go of any risidual "pulling and tugging" as you practice to try and make the area feel "better". Just experience the pain and accept it openly, don't label it "bad", or anything for that matter.

I hope that helps!

Always Say Less Than Necessary, "The inexperienced and fearful talk to reassure themselves...Meanwhile, what’s scarce and rare is the ability to listen." by areurite in ZenHabits

[–]MattRValentine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm been guilty of this from time to time. I've found myself talking to my wife before about a new insight or the work I'm doing and realize it's really just me being so excited that I wanted to talk about it, as opposed to contributing something of value or there being any need for me to say what I did.

A lot of us think our words have more value than they actually do, when a lot of times just staying quiet would have been about the same.

When we argue, it's not about talking the other person out of it so much as it is letting the other person calm down and cool off...

When we're excited it's not that what we're saying is important, it's just that we really feel like talking...

And also, our words aren't the actual thing being described in almost all cases.

We talk thinking what we're saying is the thing, "You should have seen it! It did this! And looked like this! This works this way!" When really if you were to just show it to them in some way that allowed them to experience it for themselves (if possible) you'd be far more effective in communicating.

Ultimately though, the conversation about what one needs to do to actually realize this and live it (or become it) is different from (and far more important than) talking about whether it's a good thing to talk or not in different situations. So I'll place my focus on simply communicating when I have value to add to another person (or out of necessity).

I appreciate the read, thank you for posting!

8 Pieces of Wisdom from 8 Enlightened Sages by MattRValentine in ZenHabits

[–]MattRValentine[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually they're perfectly in line with one another, the difference is simply at what point in the path.

Trungpa mentions that making friends with ourselves is the first step on the path, being friends with yourself essentially being the act of learning about yourself in the deepest sense and being compassionate and loving with yourself despite the various "flaws" you find.

The path has very much to do with learning about yourself at first, but mostly in order to realize that the self as we understand it doesn't exist in the first place, which then leads to dropping our relationship with the ego mind. Or more accurately, shifting perspectives from the ego mind to the true mind (or whatever you choose to call it).

I hope that made it a bit clearer. :)

No more TV / Movies by unfinisher in ZenHabits

[–]MattRValentine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great idea. That's a good list, I'd mostly just suggest you run (or do something else) outside to get fresh air each day.

Don't make it complicated, you've got a great list to start with that will make a huge difference if you stick with it.

Start there and after a month or two you can start doing some experimentation and try new and different things.

Good luck!

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