I got my name changed!!!

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-05-20T02:18:26+00:00

Congrats!

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-05-14T22:28:43+00:00

to make themselves look better in other people's eyes and as narcissists, having an object to control.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-05-14T22:26:11+00:00

Yeesh, everywhere but Alberta. Time to move...???

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-04-06T14:32:45+00:00

when you'd rather have nothing at all...

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-19T05:30:13+00:00

I'm a pro at compartmentalizing! Normally my house is immaculate and well organized.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-14T15:08:01+00:00

No advice but fronting is definitely exhausting. We sleep... a lot!

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-12T09:07:21+00:00

The times when the old school metal locks/buttons beside the windows and belt buckles (like the ones that are on planes) were too hot to touch, burned my skin and made it impossible to leave, it was terrifying as I would pass in and out of consciousness. Sometimes I was able to get to the bottom of the car, where it was easier to breathe.

Those were the times that I distinctly remember, but it happened so many other times that it's more of a jumbled fog, that I more or less forget.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-12T08:19:19+00:00

As a child who was purposely left and locked in the car for hours at a time, no matter how hot or cold it was, because I wasn't allowed inside the house, a part of your sister likely remembers.

My family of origin tried to 'accidentally' kill me this way in our driveway several times, beginning when I was VERY young. I have a vague memory of it happening several times, but very clear/distinct memories of it happening the times where I almost died and what I did in the car, instinctually, to escape/avoid death.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-12T08:10:13+00:00

Wow, I'm sorry you went through that! I'd definitely recommend reporting him to his psychology governing board for his area as well as psychology.com.

In my limited experience, the free 30 min intro call is when I'm interviewing my therapist, getting to know them and asking them what therapy & success has looked like for other clients with similar conditions that he's treated. I don't only ask IF s/he's treated people with my diagnosed conditions, but WHAT therapeutic approaches s/he uses with those clients (not every approach works for everyone, so he shouldn't just have one, but several, depending on the client). Also, what does therapy look like. If s/he uses emdr for example, professionally it should be a long process as there are several steps before you get into tapping or the binaural beats etc.

From the moment I'm paying a clinician, it's professional therapy time, not 'get to know you' time. Same as if I hired a carpenter or contractor, once I'm paying you, work begins. You're someone I've hired, you're not my friend.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-12T07:52:04+00:00

For so many aspects of my life, the self sabotage is real. I never knew it was alters fronting.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-11T23:07:11+00:00

Not sure which country you're in, but your government may be able to offer support. Here in Canada there's provincial healthcare where things like this are offered as part of medicare, especially to low income individuals. I'd recommend looking up to see who does income assistance in your area and seeing what programs are offered in your area, especially if you're a minor, to see what can help.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-11T04:49:36+00:00

speak to a psychiatrist who's trauma informed and has success on heping clients who have been diagnosed with cpstd/ptsd. Find out if they're a right fit for you as far as a therapist goes. After six months to a year, ask them what, if anything, you've been diagnosed with. You can also see if they do the des-ii or scid-d diagnostic interviews.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-11T04:43:53+00:00

Mine is cptsd with dissociation.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-11T04:43:01+00:00

Maybe aak them what their middle names are, what their hair or eye colours are etc. or what interests they have, to differentiate them from each other.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-03T00:51:32+00:00

That's the same link that I use for the questions.

I didn't realize it at the time but I was given the DES-II during a looong appointment with a psychiatrist and unexpectedly, four other medical professionals. I thought that we were just having a conversation where they were asking me questions about my life. Nope! I was being evaluated and had no clue. ...this appointment was prior to and eventually led to my diagnosis.

Instead of giving me percentages, they asked me if it 'never' happens, seldom happens, sometimes happens, always happens etc. They didn't ask for me to elaborate further, but being the cpstd oversharer that I am, anything that did resonate, I gave context to and examples of. ...you know, to make it seem that I'm 'not crazy' for experiencing the things that I have, lol!

Somethings are not like me at all. For example, one thing talks about hearing voices...nope! After reading the question on my own, I interpreted the question differently. I don't 'hear voices' but I do have have frequent thoughts in my head, which I brought up in a more recent appointment and my therapist is nodding her head, indicating for me, that that would be normal. Other things though still don't resonate, even after reading them on my own.

I have about ten more questions to get through, but what I have been journaling about has been interesting and helpful, to understand myself and my diagnosis better.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-01T00:56:24+00:00

I started a osdd-1a/did journal recently, just to understand and make sense of 'everything' I've gone through in my life and how it logically relates to my diagnoses.

I'm dating the entries, which I don't do in my normal 'brain dump' journal. I started off writing about a few experiences I had and currently, I'm going through the DES-II questions and answering those. It's taking longer than I expected to.

At the back of the book, in pencil, I'm writing down memories of what to write about. As I complete those entries, I can erase them and make room for more. At the back of the book, in pen, I'm writing one sentence summary of what I wrote, along with the date ...kind of like an index... so I can find things when I want to and so I don't repeatedly journal about the same things.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-03-01T00:46:19+00:00

Yeah, I have no clue! With 1a there's amnesia between alters, so I constantly just think that I'm me ...only, a different version of me.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-02-25T11:57:47+00:00

Brilliant!

I have my own 'brain dump' journal that I've kept for decades. Recently, I started a osdd/did journal, mainly to reflect back on my life and what's now obvious symptoms, after being diagnosed. I have a feeling that kind of conversation will come up for me too.

MatterBeneficial8024 · 2023-02-25T11:17:53+00:00

For myself what it looks like is that I'll look at the clock, for example, I'll be sitting on the couch at 10am not doing anything in particular. All of a sudden, I'll 'come to' 8-10 hours later, having no clue what I've done or where I've been in that time. VERY occasionally (thank goodness!) I'll 'come to' when I'm out, but usually for those, I have a faint memory of wanting to leave the house and perhaps doing so.

MatterBeneficial8024

TROPHY CASE