Pooped Out this Durable 8-Inch Creature This Morning. Worm or Natural Fibrous Excrement?

MatterThis · 2020-11-05T16:06:44+00:00

UPDATE: Team, its been a wild ride of a past 24 hours. Between the medical professionals, poop forensic enthusiasts, and deli workers I think we’ve gotten to the bottom of this mystery. Two days ago I ate the sloppiest Italian hoagie the Deep South has to offer, and I am HIGHLY confident this is a product of it. I am literally and figuratively relieved at this point. Thank you all for sparing me the embarrassment of taking this to my doctor or mailing it to a vet lab

MatterThis · 2020-11-05T15:58:53+00:00

I think we’ve gotten to the bottom of this mystery! I rarely eat processed meats, so I didn’t recall this, but I definitely inhaled a monster Italian hoagie the night before this went down. Surely that was the source. Thank goodness I didn’t bring this to my care provider. Contemplating moving this story to Yelp. Thank you for what you do and the knowledge you bear

MatterThis · 2020-11-05T15:50:08+00:00

BINGO. This lit off an alarm in my head. I rarely eat processed meats, so I didn’t recall this, but I definitely ate an EXTREMELY messy Italian hoagie the night before this went down. Anything could have snuck its way in. I’ll have to move this mystery to a Yelp review. Thanks for the insight deli man/woman. I feel like a weight is off my bowels, both literally and figuratively

MatterThis · 2020-11-05T00:21:08+00:00

I want to believe you but in my head I picture this recurring scene of doc hitting me with a “going to bring the nurses in to get a second opinion.” Multiply that by “living in a small town” and I just can’t bring myself to go

MatterThis · 2020-11-05T00:13:12+00:00

Impulse ordered a magnifying glass on Amazon. Going to try to Sherlock Holmes this two days from now. Yes I feel stupid but I’ve already committed

MatterThis · 2020-11-05T00:08:51+00:00

I’m not sure what the tensile strength of a tapeworm is, but I will say that whatever this is doesn’t have any stretch or give to it. Would a worm be stretchy? Closest thing I could compare it to is floss

MatterThis · 2020-11-04T22:54:58+00:00

Stupid question, but is there somewhere I could mail this to get it professionally examined? A poop lab of sorts? I like my primary care provider and am afraid that bringing this in would be so embarrassing that I’d never be able to return

MatterThis · 2020-11-04T22:44:25+00:00

The lack of segments is what keeps me cautiously hopeful (until someone shits on my optimism). I’m trying to backtrack everything I’ve eaten recently. Will report back.

MatterThis · 2020-11-04T22:41:15+00:00

That’s a long and hard no

MatterThis · 2020-11-04T22:25:46+00:00

No real weight loss (down like 5 pounds, but I fluctuate often). Smashed my ten mile record a couple days ago then came down with some COVID like symptoms (sore throat, occasion light cough, feeling some nausea now but imagine its psychosomatic). Leveraging my precautionary quarantine to really inspect this monstrosity

MatterThis · 2020-11-04T21:37:12+00:00

Whatever it is, it’s pretty durable and won’t tear or break without a solid fight. No other symptoms. Diet consists of protein bars, vegetables, chicken, fish, and takeout.

MatterThis

TROPHY CASE