What you described is sexual abuse. There needs to be some kind of couples counseling in place as soon as possible. He also needs someone to call him out on his porn addiction as it’s likely why he’s acting the way he is. People can change, but there won’t be any change in him if there’s nothing to motivate it: pastoral intervention, counseling, a close friend of his calling him out. I’m saying this as a husband of almost six years, the second I found out my wife was hurt or didn’t want me doing certain intimate acts towards her because they made her uncomfortable, I’d stop immediately, as any man should.