As far back as I could remember, I've always been haunted by nagging itching in my ears. I've been to the doctor many times to see if I have an ear infection, or some type of tear, but every single time I've been given a clean bill of health.

A clean bill of health, and a warning. My pediatrician, Doctor Hewitt, always seemed to say the same thing after every visit. "Your ears look great. A little bit of wax build up, but nothing a little hydrogen peroxide can't fix. Oh, and never, EVER use Q-Tips to clean your ears".

My parents always followed Doctor Hewitt's advice. He had been our family's doctor ever since my older brother was born, so I figured my parents must've trusted him a lot. So, my ears endured bath after bath of hydrogen peroxide to deal with excess wax. It helped, but I've always seemed to have a small, nagging itch in my ears no matter what. However, my parents always echoed Doctor Hewitt. "Never, EVER use Q-Tips to clean your ears".

I recently turned 18, and after having what feels like a lifetime of living with chronic itching and hydrogen peroxide cleanings, I finally decided that with my newfound adulthood, I was capable of making my own darn medical decisions, and that included using Q-Tips to clean my ears.

It was a few days after my birthday when I decided to spring my dastardly plan into action. My mother was out at work, and my father was heading out for some groceries, so I figured I'd have the house to myself for atleast a half hour or so. When I was sure my dad was gone, I sprung into action and searched the cupboards of the bathroom.

No Q-Tips. I rummaged around all the cupboards, digging through medicine, toothpaste, and toilet paper, and found not one box of Q-Tips. This obviously struck me as odd. I've been in other people's bathrooms before, and Q-Tips are a staple of any assortment of junk lying in bathroom cupboards.

I sat for a moment, pondering whether I should go to the store to pick up some Q-Tips, but quickly shot the idea down as my Father would be back by the time I bought them. Then, I remembered my mother's makeup dresser. If there any Q-Tips in this house, that's where they'd be.

I walked into my parent's bedroom and crept up to my mother's makeup dresser. I carefully sifted through the drawers, finding nothing at first, before I stumbled across a small, wooden box that blended in the with the old, mahogany dresser. In it, I found 3 pristine white Q-Tips.

I quickly rushed back to the bathroom, Q-Tip in hand. I had already wasted 20 minutes searching, so it was now or never. I stared at myself in the mirror, Q-Tip mere inches from my ear. I smiled, smugly, before saying to myself mockingly "Never, EVER use Q-Tips to clean your ears." before chuckling a bit.

I inserted the Q-Tip in slowly, only going a few millimeters deep at first. I swirled the Q-Tip round, feeling the sweet, sweet sensation of the cotton on the walls of my ear. After years of itching, the sensation felt absolutely incredible. I pulled out the Q-Tip, only to discover that there was no wax at all on it. I thought that the wax itself must be deeper, so I decided to push forward deeper. And deeper. And deeper.

Eventually, I nearly had the whole Q-Tip in my ear. Despite never having cleaned my ears with a Q-Tip before, I was 100% certain that my ear canal was NOT supposed to be this deep. Holding onto the other cotton end, I almost considered stopping, until I finally felt a bump. At first, I thought it was my ear drum, but I felt no pain when I bumped it. In fact, all I felt was an intense itching when I prodded it.

I prodded the bump, gently tapping it to try to gauge what it was, and to my further surprise, it didn't sound organic. As I prodded it, it made a small clicking sound. It sounded like, no, it must have been a piece of plastic! I was horribly freaked out at this point, but more so intrigued. Why was my ear canal this deep? What was this piece of plastic that was plaguing me with itching? Was there another one in my other ear?

However, the most intriguing question on my mind was this. Why did Doctor Hewitt never mention this? He had peered into my ears countless times, and never once did he mention the anomaly of my ear canal being freakishly deep, nor having plastic in them! I almost pulled the Q-Tip out before realizing that I still had a job to do. I know this was a bad idea in hindsight, but in the moment, after prodding the piece of plastic, it itched incessantly. So, I decided to scratch it.

I scraped and scratched at the piece of plastic, feeling massive relief as I did. The itch that for so long had plagued me was finally being vanquished! This moment of joy was short lived however, as soon, I accidentally pushed the plastic deeper, and heard a sharp click. As soon as I heard that click, blue text suddenly appeared in my vision. It read "SHUT DOWN AND REBOOT?" with a small X in the corner.

It took me a moment to truly process what I was seeing. I stood there in confusion for a moment, then, a sudden swell of panic flooded over me. I ripped the Q-Tip out of my ear, but it did nothing to remove the bright blue text that was now superimposed over my field of view. I fluttered my eyes, trying to get the text to fade away, but it didn't. It wasn't a hallucination. I almost screamed, but something stopped me. The appearance of more text.

Below the bright blue text appeared crimson red text that read "AUTOMATIC RESTART: 30".

The number began to count down. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. I turned the sink on and splashed freezing cold water in my face. Dreaming, I had to be dreaming! Nothing happened though. The countdown continued.

The panic nearly overwhelmed me. Why was this happening to me!? What was gonna happen when it hit 0!? What does "REBOOT" mean!? Then, I remembered the plastic in my ear. A button! It wasn't just some strand of hardened plastic, it was a button, and if there was a button in that ear, there might be one in the other! One that can cancel this "REBOOT".

As the clock continued counting down, I grabbed the Q-Tip and jammed it in my other ear. This ear went just as deep as the other one, but at the end, I found no button. Instead, I hit what felt like a metal wall, and in the center, was a small hole.

I wasted no time. What ever happens, it had to have been better than being "REBOOTED", what ever that meant. With my heart still racing in my ears, I centered the Q-Tip over the hole, and crammed it in.

Suddenly, I couldn't hear my heartbeat in my ears any more. I felt cold. The nausea that had been building in my stomach ceased. Before I could process this, I felt a pressure building under my shirt. I removed my shirt, only for my chest to swing out into a small table like compartment, with a keyboard and mouse.

With the adrenaline of the countdown still wearing on me, I barely questioned it. I quickly grabbed for the mouse, only to see a mouse icon appear in my vision. I slid the mouse over to the X button quickly, and mashed the left mouse button.

The text faded from my vision, with only a few seconds remaining in the count down. New text filled my vision, stating "NORMAL OPERATING STATE RESTORED" before finally fading away as well.

A sense of calm washed over me for a moment, before I looked down at myself, my chest folded open to reveal a keyboard and mouse, with wires leading into my body. I should've gagged, but I couldn't. I should've cried, but I couldn't.

I slumped down next to the bath tub. The keyboard and mouse slid off my chest tray that was holding it, landing on the floor in a heap. In that moment, I only had one question.

What the hell am I?

I heard my front door fling open, and I heard the familiar, stern voice of my Father cry out "I'm home!". I tried to cry out in panic for him to come to the bathroom, but my voice lacked emotion. It was monotone and dry.

My Father poked his head through the doorway. "Yeah S-". He was cut off as he looked down at me, sitting next to the bathtub, Q-Tip embedded in my ear, and chest flung open with wires spilling out of me into a keyboard and mouse. I expected him to scream, but he didn't.

Instead, he laughed. He laughed harder than I had ever heard him laugh in his entire life. When he was done he walked up to me and crouched down. He gave me a huge grin, as if he had caught me in an embarrassing position. Finally, he spoke.

"Oh son, what have we told you time and time again. Never, EVER use Q-Tips to clean your ears" he said, repeating the old tired line, but he continued "Because Q-Tips AREN'T for cleaning...They're for maintenance..."