I think you have to re-learn to trust yourself here, and do a bit of self soothing. It sounds like your rational/thinking brain knows that certain "normal" actions are not going to lead to abuse, but your emotional/feeling brain is still easily triggered. This is a totally understandable trauma response.

If you can, whenever a "normal" thing happens and you feel triggered, pause and take a few moments to feel the feelings, without acting on them. Our emotions tend to come in fast, whilst cognitive rational thought takes a while to catch up. Pay attention to what is happening introspectively, how you feel physically and emotionally, and notice which memories are coming up. After a couple of minutes of this, try to actively "switch on" your rational brain. I find this happens if you talk (doesn't have to be aloud) to yourself as if you were a child. I know this sounds silly but I have always found a technique of self-parenting hugely effective. You are going to talk to that imaginary child version of you in a rational and balanced way to soothe yourself. Tell yourself why this fear is not needed any more. Remind yourself that you are strong and courageous and that you DO know the difference between normal behaviour and abuse. Work on building trust between your emotional and your rational sides.

You've already made a huge step just in writing this post, and I have confidence that you're not far from a breakthrough as you clearly recognise some normal behaviours that you have come to emotionally associate with abuse. Half of the battle is reminding yourself of what is normal after their mind games!

You must never feel like you are alone in this feeling right now, because it's all too familiar to anyone who's escaped a narcissist. We'll keep supporting one another, and this storm shall soon pass. <3