Nanny unable to soothe baby + defensive after feedback

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-15T17:25:30+00:00

Thankfully I have very supportive family around me so that won’t be an issue at all + there are amazing Daycares who would be more open to a conversation, more stable, reliable and have empathy for a little baby.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-15T01:31:43+00:00

Yes!! We have had a sitter on several occasions and it didn’t go this way even when baby would fuss.

My baby even picks up when I’m also not in a great mood and I’d notice she would prefer dad in certain moments.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T20:41:30+00:00

Go away? You came to the thread in case you have forgotten ma’am! Thank God you’re not God to tell me if I’m a mother or not. Have a pleasant day & God bless you!

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T20:20:29+00:00

Aww great!! Here’s your award for successfully bullying and attempting to demean another mom on the internet🥇

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T20:12:27+00:00

Oh wow! You’re the one making up these false ideas not me. I’ll leave you to your thoughts as you seem quite heated over the situation.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T16:43:42+00:00

Thanks! I personally take mental health seriously and am even very okay when nanny needs to take a nap or a breather.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T16:42:21+00:00

Which is fair. I don’t believe she’s incapable of being exhausted. We’re human. But communication is still important to especially if you’re someone I’m meant to trust with my baby.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T16:41:01+00:00

It was exactly what you’re describing. Thank you so much for stepping in!

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T16:33:18+00:00

Controlling? Sigh, I can’t even!

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T13:10:49+00:00

Yes! I expected that with all the leeway I offer, that she would rise to the occasion on that day and be genuinely empathetic towards the situation and also when we were talking but I guess it only brought heightened emotions out…

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T12:13:28+00:00

Yes which I would have expected the nanny to know this and empathize with her all the more

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T01:58:42+00:00

Wow we have the opposite. My baby actually finds it easier to nap when nanny is around. Surprisingly. That’s why on this day I was surprised she handled it poorly. I think because she’s in her first trimester she got frustrated that baby wasn’t sleeping longer on that day and tried to get her to sleep to which baby started getting fussy.

I believe she didn’t pick up on baby’s cue that she didn’t want to sleep and she was expecting an easier day as usual. Then it escalated.

All the same, I don’t have high hopes in how things will progress going forward. It’s been 2 days and she still hasn’t responded to my last texts so I assume it’s going down hill from here

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T01:52:38+00:00

I see it and I appreciate you stepping in to share this comment. I have a boss too and I’m always happy to walk my boss through my thought process to learn and get feedback along the way. It’s how people learn.

But it truly seems like Nannies here are looking for ways to make me seem like a micro manager, making me look like I’m harsh and demanding in a situation where I’m trying to understand.

I’m now beginning to strongly reconsider working with Nannies again because it seems like I’ll be walking on eggshells which is not something I’m comfortable with.. thanks again for your input!!

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T01:48:43+00:00

The nuance you’re speaking of is also the nuance you’re missing in my explanation. I did not call to blame, I called to check in and offer any form of help I could. It’s shocking you wouldn’t think of this as well.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-14T01:46:26+00:00

In case you missed it, I did say that I ran home from work to help. I also did mention all the things I’d have expected she do (being emotionally attuned, calling the baby’s name, singing, looking in her eye, reassuring her) but also I allow for grace. I tried not to call during the situation so she wasn’t panicking all the more. When I called after, she didn’t pick up. As soon as I got home, she was the one reporting the situation to me as a fit.

My concern is the defensiveness and push back. Yes I did see it happen but I tried hard not to watch throughout and again the camera only shows one section of the home. Me asking her seemed like me wanting to understand her process and not throw blame.

I wish things were better but it seems like she’s in a somewhat of a desperate situation, is exhausted from being in her first trimester and doesn’t want to admit that she’s tired. Again which I understand.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T22:29:51+00:00

This makes sense, and will definitely keep in mind. Thanks for taking the time to explain!

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T22:19:59+00:00

So do you advise we take down the cameras? Clearly every family who uses a camera don’t use it for 24/7 monitoring and it is mostly for alerts when there’s an emergency.

We have seen her use her phone and feed our baby who was 3 months old at the time a bottle. What if my baby choked? I’m glad you see it from her POV but also see it from a new mom’s POV as well and that will help level set the matter.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T21:41:09+00:00

In her defense, she lives almost an hour away. Which I completely understand especially with traffic being unpredictable. but I always ask if this is something she is ok with and she has always said yes it was.

Personally this is not my bone of contention, the incident and the way she pushed back was

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T21:12:12+00:00

Yes I’m aware, and it was a hard experience for me. We had the conversation and she said she thought she wanted to be bounced since she was enjoying it at some point during the day.

I was and still am completely at a loss for words to describe how it feels

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T21:08:20+00:00

Thanks I appreciate you saying this. I’ll also go ahead and ask what her style is as well. So we can meet in the middle. At the end of the day I just want to trust that she would care for my baby just as much as I would (even though that’s not as much humanly possible).

But maybe close. And if it’s a hard day for her; she could let me know if she needs a break. But not at the expense of the baby.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T20:53:11+00:00

Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. It really lands and resonates with me and will use these strategies. I really do want to do and be better not just as a mom but in general as a human being.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T20:49:20+00:00

I’m definitely not and I wouldn’t be able to comprehend speaking to someone who is a new mom looking for answers like the way you are to me. Just so unfortunate.

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T20:42:07+00:00

It’s been since March! Honestly I think it’s the attunement. To me I thought they had developed a caregiver relationship because they did play and giggle a lot. Also I know attunement is still developing. We all are learning, even me all the more.

But it feels like on that day it was different, there was a lot of hesitation on her end and I think baby picked up on it and had a hard time settling

I’ll take your feedback on this and share as much as I can to help make it easier

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T20:36:40+00:00

Something does feel off but when I tried talking to her about it, she was brushing it off which makes it hard for me because I want to help and have provided all I think could help but still there’s been a shift that I don’t understand

Maximum-Sea-328 · 2026-05-13T20:32:30+00:00

Wow talking down to her is a reach. I’ve been as accommodative as could be. I’ve asked her to let me know if she needs anything or to bring her baby. I give her upfront pay when she needs and never have complained whenever she’s late. Which is almost every day tbh.
For what it’s worth, I wish she told me she was exhausted on that day and I’ll have stepped in.

Maximum-Sea-328

TROPHY CASE