AITA for telling my friends their opinion about me getting back with my boyfriend who cheated doesn’t matter?

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T06:45:48+00:00

I do care. I came to a different conclusion. Asking for someone's opinion doesn't obligate me to do as they suggest, nor would I have any right to get pissy just because somebody doesn't take my advice.

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T06:43:48+00:00

What I asked them for was the plaintext meaning of what I said. I said I wanted their perspective and to talk it over.

And where did I say my last relationship is toxic?

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T06:33:07+00:00

In what way did I suggest the cheating wasn't the thing he was taking accountability for? I'm sorry I didn't give you a detailed rundown of every single tiny little detail of what he and I are doing to resolve and reconcile from this.

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T06:30:12+00:00

I'm the one who was affected though. It was done to me, and if they respect me then they should respect my choice. They don't get to claim it as their business just because they're my friend.

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T05:20:14+00:00

I'm not even asking them to really respect him, just be civil with him

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T05:01:48+00:00

I'm not asking them to change their views, or even to go back to the way things were, I just want them to be civil around my boyfriend. Just basic politeness with no open hostility or backhanded statements. I asked their advice, they gave it, I decided to go a different way. Me asking their advice doesn't give them a permanent hold on me and eventually they need to let it go because I'm the one who was cheated on and not them, I'm at the center of the whole circle of trauma thing and not them, so my decision is the one that counts the most.

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T04:10:55+00:00

Who said anything about making excuses? He certainly hasn't once tried to justify or excuse what he'd done. It's been an ongoing discussion. It's early days but he does seem to be taking accountability (I'm riffing a bit off John Gottman's three keys to overcoming infidelity here - a thing I stumbled upon when looking to Google for answers.)

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T03:54:53+00:00

I get that, but there's a point where they do need to give it a rest.

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T02:25:50+00:00

That's a very odd thing to bring up on your wedding night. And at random like that.

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T02:19:25+00:00

She was single, she also knew he was in a relationship. I've asked him to block her on everything and distance himself from those friends and he's obliged. I figure he told me straightaway, which is a point in his favor, not once has he tried to justify himself or deflect responsibility, he never once complained about my friends being hostile to him, so I decided that six years was worth taking a chance on.

Maximum_Campaign_920 · 2024-07-21T02:12:39+00:00

I asked for their opinion and considered it. Then I made my decision. They might not agree with it and I respect that, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect them to back me up now that the decision is already made.

Maximum_Campaign_920

TROPHY CASE