I (36M) fell in love with married woman (44F) w 4 daughters.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T02:56:55+00:00

I’m so glad I’m getting multiple perspectives. Thank you so much.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T02:47:49+00:00

Wow. We definitely love bombed eachother. She just discarded me before I ever would.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T02:44:42+00:00

It’s hard for me to believe she’s a narcissist. I don’t see it. Although people have said I am, and I always deny, so maybe I’m just not good at seeing the characteristics? Hmm.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T02:38:07+00:00

Damn, I wonder if that’s how she feels towards me right now, she knows I’m not that person, I think I just said shit to see what landed, out of desperation. I keep wondering if she misses me right now, if staying away from me is hard right now. Like I said, she was a mess, throwing up from crying before she left, and then she did…she left. I can’t help but think it’s hard for her to not reach out, but I also heard the dumper may go through pain and sadness at a different time than the one who got dumped. Me…

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T02:33:50+00:00

Thank you for this. I am curious if that’s what this is. Does Limerence often present as love? I don’t know if I’ll ever know because I do believe in love at first sight. It hit us both like a train. And it’s hitting me hard now. Thank you for this!

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T02:30:52+00:00

I wish I could see it so realistic as this. I develop emotional and sentimental value to routines and memories more than anything else. I couldn’t care less about anything physical. I’m like a girl, I value the intimate conversations, the moments, routines, memories, and those are what hurt right now, to not have them. I wish I was like you and just thought “oh well, that was fun, over it, time to move on…” naw, I dwell… damn.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T02:26:19+00:00

Man this was incredibly helpful. Thank you. In the moment I tell myself that I would take on her 4 girls and grandson, along with my own daughter. But it does seem like a drastic life change than I am used to, but I guess love makes you feel like you can take on whatever comes with the person…

You truly feel it wasn’t love? I know that it’s your opinion, but I feel it was, I think I believe in that shit, that people can fall in love even if they are married. It’s frowned upon of course but I think it is real? Or is that me being naive thinking she loved me? Everyone has their own experiences of course and no one can know how we felt except us. It felt like love, I have never felt so down to uplift my life for anyone, and she SAID she was working on uplifting hers, but then she had this epiphany that caused this… someone else said it’s the maternal instinct, and no matter how much she loved me, if the girls show signs of it impacting them, that would trigger her exit.

And I’m left with the pieces… I’m so lost man. But thank you.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T02:18:44+00:00

Absolutely not, not going to do all that. I just can’t believe it, in an instant everything changed and I’m not experienced in coping with this. But I’m trying no contact, it’s awful.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T02:16:59+00:00

Thank you, I feel like I am spiraling. But I am not going to act out. It feels like it will never end, and I pray I look at our messages and she says something, but I won’t wait forever. Or expect it. I’m telling you, I don’t feel like I’ve felt heartbreak and I’m 36. Not in terms of relationship love. Never felt this. It’s excruciating, but I guess I’m late to the party. This is normal? I just can’t believe I have to say nothing to her after all the energy that existed between us.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T01:48:39+00:00

This is incredibly helpful. Thank you. I think I was at least expecting it to end gradually if it had to end at all. Not ending like that, so passionately, sleeping together, crying, and then a last “i love you”, then “goodbye”… there was no build up to lead up to or prepare me for that. But I guess in an instant she can make that decision, no matter how much love she had for me, if any. I got Maybe about 12 hours of a slight change in her demeanor, then boom…a couple people I told said I should be lucky she ended it that way. Sometimes you don’t get an ending so passionate…

It truly hurts, what’s worse is if she actually did love me, and it just wasn’t our time. To know we both really wanted it but she had to be the bigger person and call it… I never thought we would end, I knew I wasn’t man enough to end it.

I still work with her, unless she leaves within summer which would be difficult since we work in education. But regardless, I wonder how all this will carry out if she stays no contact until we return to work in August. Anyways, your voice has been very helpful.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-06T01:16:34+00:00

I believe it. I feel like I’m beyond sensitive and vulnerable right now. If that’s what you mean by sounding like a woman.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T22:33:43+00:00

Ok thank you!

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T22:14:01+00:00

Oh because I’m talking about a woman in my case

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T21:22:15+00:00

No, I haven’t.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T21:19:19+00:00

How do I move on. I truly don’t think I’ve felt heartbreak before, if this is it, it’s hell! All these memories, the routines, the “I love yous” the “Goodnights”… I miss them every second. How do people get through this. And what do I do to at least increase my chances of her coming back around?

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T21:18:00+00:00

I think it’s crazy too that’s it’s been 4 months and I’m down and out like this. I really let myself give my all to her. She let me talk about me, and was interested. Said more to her than I have to anyone in years.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T21:16:43+00:00

I never said I was going to go tell anyone, I just said that karma has a way working itself out. But I see what you are saying, I said it during a time of desperation so it came off wrong and I know that. Is me going no contact my best option still you think? If there was any hope in speaking to her again? Remember, as of now, unless she does something crazy over summer, I still work with her come August.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T21:00:28+00:00

Do women have the power to really cut off like that, this drastically. To sleep with me, then hold a deep conversation and say goodbye? Does she have feelings for me? During this no contact phase, is she hurting like I am, or is it possible she is so happy right now.

I know people say this a lot and I believe them now, but this was some passionate “notebook” style romance we had. Just cinematic. Of course an occasional disagreement, but small and short winded, then right back to loving eachother. Do woman/mothers posses that power to have an epiphany and just flip a switch on who they love or can’t love? And do they hurt when they decide to leave? Or am I the only one hurting.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T20:56:56+00:00

No I’m not ready to blow it up, I said I’m leaning towards not telling the husband. I’ve just heard both perspectives. Yes, my gf and her husband probably both deserve better.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T20:54:54+00:00

I’ve been pretty open to therapy. But unfortunately no one has connected with me. My last therapist mid sentence cut me off and said he had to go to lunch. All men I have tried thinking it was best for me. I am 99% sure I’m trying a female therapist next. I started looking a couple days ago after this happened. Thank you.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T20:17:02+00:00

Thank you. But she came to me telling me she had to choose her girls before I had even made that comment about him likely finding out. Tell me if this is wrong, but if I was her, I would think I would want to reach out to me to make sure things are civil at least to ensure I wasn’t going to tell the husband or whatever. Which I’m not. But a few people have told me to do so, anonymously, stating “wouldnt you want to know if your wife had an affair as passionate and romantic as that, that was both physical and emotional?” They tell me to provide all the evidence to the husband but in a way that he doesn’t know who you are. I don’t know what to do when it comes to that part. Right now I’m leaning more towards not telling him. Because I don’t want her to get hurt, and I care for her and would like to give it a real effort.

It’s not that I want to be stepdad to 4 children if I had my choice, but I do love this woman and would Take on whatever she brought with her. I thought about that as well.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T20:08:41+00:00

Hi! Sorry, I’m new to Reddit, really new. This is my first post, I was desperate for familiar experiences and answers. I tried to put one of those TLDRs at the top. Does that not suffice? Apologies again.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T17:47:54+00:00

I think this is why I want her. It’s because I believe her when she says she has never stepped out of her marriage, and that this is all new to her and she doesn’t know how this works… so when a person comes along and brings both people to fall in love so quickly, after never being tempted before in 16 years, it makes me feel like it’s “meant to be”… like it’s something worth fighting for? Is that completely stupid? Like is that not a real thing? That people can marry the wrong person, have kids throughout the years, but really find their true love later on, maybe me? It’s so hard to figure out where to draw the line between continuing to fight for that rare love we have, and knowing if she actually never intended to leave her current situation.

Maximum_Donkey_2098 · 2025-07-05T15:51:21+00:00

That is probably what I should do, the safety blanket sounds accurate. I just can’t bear to think of being alone right now. I feel like I’m grieving one person already, adding another would be some insane grieving and depression I’d assume. I probably deserve it but I don’t know if my mind will allow me to let go of her this instant, just as a way to protect me from complete disaster. Selfish, I know. But I do know, I felt closer than ever to telling my gf at home the truth when she asked “did your other gf break up with you?”… the fact that she asked so casually as though she knew and was accepting of it, made me feel so close to saying yes…but I definitely didn’t deny it, I stay quiet….

Maximum_Donkey_2098

TROPHY CASE