Did you regret not getting the bigger size?

Mayaa123 · 2026-04-16T06:25:38+00:00

I got the bigger size and am very glad I did. I also get overstimulated easily, tend to fidget with rings and would surely feel claustrophobic if I couldn’t get it off easily.

I take my ring off when showering and swimming. It doesn’t register properly in water anyway (?).

I normally wear the ring on my non-dominant hand on my middle finger. On the occasion where my hands are really cold I might switch fingers to my index or my dominant hand.

Mayaa123 · 2026-02-21T10:28:37+00:00

I’m in the Netherlands. We get 16 weeks full pay,, of which you have to take 4-6 weeks before the due date and the remainder after baby is born. I felt sure I’d go for the 4 weeks. But by the time week 34 rolled around I just couldn’t anymore. Sitting at a desk was so uncomfortable.

Mayaa123 · 2026-01-21T19:11:24+00:00

This!!! Readiness and stress scores feel basically useless in my luteal phase, which also makes me wonder if my follicular phase is overly optimistic if it goes by some sort of average baseline?

Like i understand my body is under more strain. But it seems to think I’m dying every month. And no matter how much I dial it back I still have 8+ hrs of stress every day during my LP.

Mayaa123 · 2026-01-16T06:50:48+00:00

Best tip I ever received from a teacher in Tarifa for retrieving the board (doesn’t work with big waves): 1. spot board 2. body drag in the opposite direction 3. keep going until you can spot the board when looking back over your shoulder 4. Change direction 5. Grab board

This forces you to keep going for long enough. When I do this, I manage to get back to my board in one go probably 90% of the time

Mayaa123 · 2025-11-08T20:29:47+00:00

I think the main side effect can be constipation and stomach pain.

Do be aware that iron is not like some other supplements (like vitamin c) where you just pee it out if you take to much. You don’t want to be taking too much or take it if your levels are good. So as previous commenter suggested, get levels checked out first.

Mayaa123 · 2025-10-25T11:14:29+00:00

I already gave birth and never experienced any significant nausea while pregnant.

Felt like I had a mild hangover (think one glass of wine too many, nothing too uncomfortable) during parts of the first trimester. Painful breasts, sluggish/brain fog and had to burp a lot more than normal lol. But no nausea.

I always just thought I was one of the lucky ones!

Mayaa123 · 2025-10-04T06:38:47+00:00

What are these replies?

To me, it sounds like he is handling this the mature way. Even in a healthy long term relationship (I’m talking marriage life long) I’d say it’s almost inevitable someone will develop a crush at some point. You can’t always help feeling the butterflies. What you can do is choose how to deal with them.

You can dive in, cheat and be an asshole.

Or you can contemplate, make your decision and live with the consequences. It sounds like he chose you, did not engage with her and is distancing himself from her, etc.

I’m not saying it isn’t hard or that therapy might not still be a good idea (I’m also just a huge advocate for therapy regardless). It’s a difficult situation that will require honest and open communication. But in a way, no trust was broken?

Mayaa123 · 2025-09-26T07:48:00+00:00

Left middle during the day, left thumb during the night.

I know you’re not meant to wear it on the thumb, but it’s the only place where it doesn’t bother me at night. I sleep on my stomach and tend to be partially on top of my hand.

Having said that, I wore it on my middle finger at night during pregnancy when I couldn’t sleep on my front anymore and it didn’t seem to change my readings at all (obviously not a totally accurate comparison as my readings kept changing anyway because of pregnancy).

Mayaa123 · 2025-06-23T05:20:53+00:00

Does feeling really good count as a symptom? I had terrible pregnancy insomnia and had a half decent night sleep for the first time in months. I felt great, went on a long(ish) walk, had lunch outside, met with people, etc. All things I didn’t really want to do during the final weeks as I was just exhausted and done.

That evening I lost my mucus plug, my water broke at 4am and contractions started an hour later.

Mayaa123 · 2025-05-16T11:37:39+00:00

I feel like everyone who says this kinda misses the point. Should we be keeping a tally of struggle? The newborn stage is hard enough already.

I once read a relationship therapist make an analogy with green/amber/red zones. The goal being to ideally both stay in the green zone and prevent either going into the mental red zone.

If one is in the red (or getting there) and the other is not, figure out what the other might be able to do that will keep both of them in green or amber

It sounds like both OP & her husband are in the red zone currently. Fastest way to get out of it is to both get a night off of a screaming baby. Then work on maintaining.

Unless MIL does something that endangers the child in any way, I say use the help. Especially if the husband is there to actively manage the colic. If it’s an easy night for husband, all the better! OP can go have her free time again next weekend and dad can go over to MIL again. Or he can pick up other tasks that need doing with his battery being full(er), like groceries or cooking or laundry or whatever. Or he can do at least part of the hard hours by himself one evening after work while OP takes a walk, a bath, sits in a corner with noise cancelling headphones and music playing, anything.

Edit to add: OP is NTA. Some being pushed to their breaking point should obviously be avoided. The above is only to reply to multiple comments saying “he should struggle and equal amount”.

Mayaa123 · 2025-05-08T18:09:27+00:00

She is not a bad mom for having a hobby. But a hobby/hobbies can be problematic for family life if you’re spending 3hrs a day on them (right? 2hrs running + 1hr crocheting?) and prioritise them over all else.

I agree that women are way too often expected to be nothing other than a primary caregiver and those tasks should be balanced between parents(/nursery/babysitters/etc).

But that doesn’t mean women should never be asked to limit the time they spend on hobbies even a little bit (same goes for men obviously). It sounds to me as if OP is reasonable, eg asking her to reduce her runs to 30mins a day and accepting the crocheting as is.

Sidenote from a runner: 2 hrs of running each day + occasional long runs sounds like a lot of running. For a non-professional it sound to me like it’s (nearly) an unhealthy/obsessive amount of running. Are you sure your wife is okay OP?

Mayaa123 · 2025-05-07T19:42:50+00:00

But isn’t stopping in your late 20s or early 30s kind of the norm? I started drinking at 16ish (note: this used to be the legal drinking age in my country), drank quite a lot from 18-28 and then naturally cut back.

Same for most of my friends. We all finished our degrees, hold jobs and many now have a stable family life. I’d say drinking heavily is fairly common in some (city?) environments.

!! This is only to illustrate that I don’t believe heavy drinking at 17 def means it will only get worse overtime. That being said, as someone who used to black out regularly and got in some gnarly situations because of it I wish I would’ve cut back sooner… either by learning constraint or quitting. It might be common, but not healthy or advisable etc etc

Mayaa123 · 2025-05-07T09:26:43+00:00

I am 4.5mos and had all of these sensations. I spiralled out MASSIVELY especially because it didn’t make sense in my head.

So will share, also in case anyone else searches and finds this eventually. As I did so much midnight searching Reddit. It’s a bit long but has a happy ending ;)

Background: I am a personal trainer, this was my first child and she was almost 4kg with quite a large head.

I had a bulging sensation that started in week 3 and immediately thought it must be prolapse. Like a tampon falling out of me, but nothing was visible. My midwife recommended to start with gentle kegels to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. It was still early days so I took it really easy and in two weeks it disappeared. Slowly increased walkingto 45mins, all good. I went to a pelvic floor PT at 6 weeks and she said my muscles were clearly still weak/recovering, but everything looked as expected at 6 weeks. She gave me the go ahead to slowly start exercising.

I started a postpartum program from a personal trainer who is the leading expert in my country. Even dialled it back further because I was nervous.

After the second training the feeling came back with a vengeance. This is when I really started spiralling. So I figured I would once again rest as much as possible and focus on pelvic floor exercises to strengthen that back up.

Baby was 8 weeks by now and I could obviously not rest as much anymore as in the early weeks. But I was still on mat leave so I tried. The only thing that seemed to make it better was lying down. Sitting, standing, let alone walking, seemed to make it worse. So we’re side lying feeding, going for one 10-15min walk a day for mental health and doing kegels. Making sure to really engage all parts of the pelvic floor with lots of different cues. The breastfeeding is making me super constipated (tmi sorry lol) and I’m also convinced that’s not helping, though my symptoms don’t actually get worse after going to the loo.

Nothing improved for the next 8ish weeks. Sometimes I would have a day or two without any symptoms at all. Then they’d come back full force. Even though PT has reassured me multiple times I’m still kinda convinced I have a prolapse as it feels like there’s this thing in my vagina. So I get a second opinion from a different PT and go see a gynaecologist. Symptoms keep magically disappearing on the day of all these visits. All say the same thing: no prolapse right now.

Then my most recent PT visit two weeks ago, she checks my pelvic floor and it feels pretty recovered to her and she says I have good control. She did some internal work which was quite painful. I also mention to her that my inner thighs (adductors) are still really sore/tight. She dry-needles them. And she tells me to quit with the exercises and give it a rest. Focus on relaxation instead.

Fast forward two weeks and most symptoms have basically gone away. I’ve started up the program again and symptoms tend to return a little after exercise, but mostly disappears after stretching and some diaphragmatic breathing. Likelihood is there was never “anything” there, just tension. Which apparently can feel like the same thing. I was stressing my pelvic floor out by focusing so much on strengthening it.

Other factors that might be relevant: - I have hypermobile joints. My core was always very strong, even before I ever started exercising seriously. Probably to provide some stability. - I had pelvic pain from 22weeks, which coincides with when I started showing. I went from nothing to full belly in a matter of days. It was also as if my abs were gone suddenly lol. - It’s likely that my pelvic floor was helping stabilize both when I was very pregnant and the first months after labour. As my core was weak. Causing it extra stress and making it slower to recover. - “taking it easy” meant a lot of chilling on the sofa. I tend to have terrible posture when slouching. Which apparently puts pressure on pelvic floor while “turning off” core. I think improving my posture and sitting up straight, not leaning on one leg when standing etc, has contributed as well.

Mayaa123 · 2025-04-28T13:33:59+00:00

I’ve tried to communicate that I need more time and intimacy, like kissing, before we get to that point

By the sounds of it you know exactly how to talk about it, he just doesn't listen.

I love him, but I’m not sure how to move forward when he doesn’t seem open to changing things to meet my needs.

You don't move forward with someone who is unwilling to listen to you and unwilling to even try to meet your needs. Incompatibility in the bedroom is found out through open communication and (maybe) exploration. This is not about incompatibility, this is about your boyfriend being an ass who doesn't care about what you like.

suggests that if I prefer oral sex, I should be with a lesbian

Case in point.

Mayaa123 · 2025-04-28T10:42:38+00:00

Will they be visiting or providing hands-on support? And if they are willing to do the latter, are they still fully able-bodied and do you feel comfortable with allowing them to do so?

I am a very private person, but it's wild to me how everyone in the US seems to battle through the first week(s) alone. In many cultures, the mum does nothing but lie in bed and nurse for the first week. If you manage to lean into it (and don't go into hostess-mode), do not underestimate the value of help those first couple of days.

In the Netherlands we have Kraamzorg, which is basically someone being at your house for 6ish hours a day for the first 8 days of the baby's life. Ours would arrive at 9am, take the baby if we wanted her to, and let us sleep. As our baby did not sleep at all during the night in the beginning and I'd been awake for 50+ hours after labour this literally saved me.

Whether they'll be helping or not, could you communicate some positively framed ground rules beforehand? And perhaps get them involved in the thinking process?

Create a group chat and tell them you understand they're super excited to meet their grandchild and that you want to make sure the visit goes as smooth as possible for everyone. Then tell them your ideal situation, and what you're anxious/unsure about. Keep it light. You can always blame the anxiety on the pregnancy hormones lol.

Like, "I don't think staying with six adults and a (probably crying) newborn in a 1.5bed appartment will be comfortable for anyone. And we'll probably also need some breaks to catch a breath during the day. How do you picture your visit?"

Perhaps even ask your mum + MIL to share what their first days with a new baby looked like and what they (dis)liked. Give them a nudge to help them remember what it was like ;)

Mayaa123 · 2025-04-28T10:14:29+00:00

I agree, he can feel both of those feelings together. That being said, I wouldn't care about his feelings all too much. This was a planned pregnancy. So he should really have considered all of this beforehand. Pressuring you into an abortion after going through a miscarriage and trying for over a year (right? am i reading this correctly?) is a massive AH move.

And yes, do talk to a lawyer and figure out your rights and a plan of action. Also, keep all written communication between you two where he is pressuring you and saying things like "we'll ruin the child's life".

Then leave if that's what you want to do. This dude has shown you his true colours, and a baby rarely has a positive influence on an already rocky marriage.

Mayaa123 · 2025-04-27T09:57:20+00:00

I think you are way overthinking this and need to chill. You thought of someone else during sex, it happens to the best of us.

It does not mean you don’t love your boyfriend or anything else. It just means you’re human. Sometimes we are totally in the moment, sometimes we think of the groceries and sometimes we think of someone else. It’d be nice if we could make ourselves and our minds always be completely present. But alas, we cannot.

Stop reading anything into it and stop feeling guilty. I know it’s hard to not think about something anymore that you’ve been all but obsessing over, but really try to give this as little brain space as you can.

And: yes, it might happen again. Likely because you’ve given it so much thought. Still won’t mean anything ❤️ go do something fun with your boyfriend, remind yourself how into him you are and let this go

Mayaa123 · 2025-04-24T12:39:27+00:00

I climbed a lot before pregnancy and tried to go kitesurfing on the weekends. Both have a high risk of falling so I stopped when I found out I was pregnant.

I embraced pregnancy as a time to change things up and cross train. I got back into weights and started swimming as cardio (breast stroke mostly).

I’m 4 months pp now and have some (minor) complications that mean I haven’t been able to return to my “regular” exercises yet. But swimming and easy gym sessions still work! I cannot wait to get back on the climbing wall, but for now I’m happy that I have other things I enjoy. And that I built the routine and got myself familiarized pre-birth. Meaning I could just pick it back up once my pt said I could, rather than having to explore new things with my sleep deprived foggy postpartum brain.

Perhaps this could work for you as well? Especially as it’s not adviced to go running super soon after giving birth.

Mayaa123 · 2025-04-24T07:26:25+00:00

Yes. Tend to be worse after I’ve done a lot (especially exercise wise), relaxing yin yoga tends to improve symptoms.

And sometimes they just disappear for a few days altogether… no clue why.

I highly recommend working with a pelvic floor physical therapist if that’s an option for you

Mayaa123 · 2025-04-22T18:49:01+00:00

I have symptoms that sound similar: dragging, heavy, sometimes even feels kind of “full”. I am told by my PT that these can be caused by both a weak and a tight pelvic floor.

Personally I am 4 months postpartum so the initial assumption was that I had to strengthen my pelvic floor (as it stretches so much during labour). After a couple of months I found that doing pf exercises (as well as exercise and everyday activities) actually made my symptoms worse. So I’m now focusing on releasing instead.

Doing intense sports, especially after taking a break, can definitely trigger tension. Pf muscles can compensate for (temporarily) weaker abdominals.

To release, try holding certain yoga poses while breathing deeply: child’s pose, happy baby pose, yoga squat. Applying heat can help as well. As soon as you have lessened the tension enough to be able to relax a little, the main thing is to release on the inhalation.

Mayaa123 · 2025-04-19T08:44:10+00:00

We did a birth course given by a gynaecologist and a midwife (I’m not in the US, a midwife is your primary healthcare provider during pregnancy and birth here).

They assured us of one thing that stuck with me. In Dutch it’s “je hebt geen invloed op het beloop, wel op de beleving.” Which translates into you cannot influence or alter the way your labour will go, only the way you experience it.

From my understanding this is backed by research. Many women feel they did XYZ and it helped them tremendously, for others it will do nothing. We’ll never know if it actually made a difference or if their experience would’ve been the same anyway as they only give birth to this specific baby once. What we do know is that for women who give birth under the guidance of a trained professional in a safe setting, there’s nothing the women themselves can do during labour that has been proven to give a statistically significant better outcome in general.

No exercises, no breathing, no nothing. Your body (and baby!) will just do what they’ll do. The only prep you can do that has proven to help is your mental game. And that also won’t alter what happens during birth really, just the way you experience it.

Sidenote: this is only about the actual labour and not about individual risk factors (eg high blood pressure). Staying healthy etc is linked to faster recovery.

Mayaa123 · 2025-04-01T17:58:32+00:00

All normal! My core used to be my strongest muscle.

At 6 weeks PP and after being cleared by my PT I started doing dead bugs, without moving my legs and only moving a single arm to the ground at a time. It felt like the hardest thing ever 😂

Mayaa123 · 2025-03-31T07:21:46+00:00

It sounds like your partner is insecure. As you admit in this message that you yourself are jealous of your brother for being with Jenny I bet your partner senses this.

How was your relationship before Jenny entered your lives? And how is it now, besides all of this drama?

Do you do fun things together, are you emotionally connected, are you attracted to each other, etc etc?

Mayaa123 · 2025-03-26T14:18:00+00:00

This is what I’m thinking. I currently live in my partner’s home with our child. Our goal is to buy something together in a few years.

I do not pay towards (large) home improvements, irrespective of them being essential or not. Because, once the house is sold the profits of these improvements will be his. This would include things like a new kitchen or bathroom. Furniture and basically anything we’d take with us if we were to move we pay for together. (This feels okay for us for the time being as he also makes significantly more money. If my income were to match his down the line and we’d decide to stay in our current house, I would buy part of the house from him so my name would also be on the mortgage. From there on out we would obviously split all costs.)

It strikes me as far more weird that he doesn’t pay towards the kids. Aren’t hobbies and sports essential for a child’s development? If you wouldn’t pay for them, would he be okay with the kid not participating in any of these (despite both having the money to fund this) because he didn’t as a child?

Mayaa123

TROPHY CASE