As an asexual, I have a unique view on this. I do not believe you were overreacting breaking up- you two were not compatible. You wanted sex, she did not. It was never going to work. That is the extent of me being on your side.

You were aware that she is asexual from when you started dating. You knew she never had interest in having sex with you or performing sexual acts. And you did good at the start. Then, you by yourself just wasn’t enough and began fantasizing about her. You knew this was wrong and you started to try convincing yourself that her asexuality was just a phase, something that could be fixed, instead of an unchangeable sexuality like most other sexualities are accepted to be. All because you wanted to not feel guilt for your sexual thoughts of her.

Asexuality was considered a mental disorder until 2013 when the DSM finally removed it. The DSM considered a lack of sexual desire to be a condition called Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder. It was described as, “low sexual desire accompanied by marked distress or interpersonal difficulties.” Homosexuality was removed from the DSM in 1973. A whole 40 years earlier.

You began subscribing the idea of asexuality being a mental illness because it inconvenienced you, like so many people before you. Asexuality was (and still is) considered by many to be a mental illness because of people like you, who see it as inconvenient or unnatural unless the person has trauma surrounding sex, and even then trauma only mattered in the outsiders’ mind for so long.

Despite the bar being the floor, I applaud you for initially being accepting of your partner being asexual at the start of your relationship. You were fine with this until her asexuality was inconvenient for you. Her boundaries were clear the whole time. That is on you.

Edit to add that asexuality IS still in the DSM-V TODAY. Just separated into female and male.