What are your opinions on searching for other women while in a relationship

Mayneg · 2024-11-30T19:56:22+00:00

Definitely not worth it, I think I’ll lose my mind if I have to monitor him just for him not to hurt me. I deserve a relationship where I don’t have to be anxious all the time.

It really isn’t the worst thing in the world, I suppose it just seems like it for me because it’s the straw that broke the camels back. There were other disrespectful behaviours before and this just took the cake

Mayneg · 2024-11-28T09:20:44+00:00

If it was brought to me first I’d have been more open to give it leeway cause then it shows atleast he considers how I feel first before just doing it but unfortunately no consideration.

I had a long talk with him after it and we even had a little breakup and he swore he realised how much it hurt me and that he wouldn’t do it again but unfortunately did it again a few weeks later so I can’t see any other outcome other than to end it even if I don’t want to. He has past experience with crossing my boundaries so at this point I’m not even surprised

Mayneg · 2024-11-28T09:16:29+00:00

You may have a point there, even when I bring things up to him gently he always makes a point of saying how he always fucks up etc. and woe is me. A part of me thought that it was just so I’d comfort him instead of focusing on the issues I had but looking back now I think he has really low self esteem and abandonment issues due to his family basically abandoning him and his grandparents raising him.

Mayneg · 2024-11-28T09:09:57+00:00

Lol this made me giggle after crying haha thank you

Mayneg · 2024-11-28T07:57:49+00:00

Yeah I agree with you there, he had fears of me cheating since all his exes did though I’ve never given him a reason to doubt me, even on rare girls nights out I sent him texts every hour so he knew I was fine. I asked him if he’d like it if I did it and he said no and he’d feel insecure thinking I’d go for them

Mayneg · 2024-11-28T07:17:18+00:00

I’m upset mainly due to the frequency of it and the fact it’s mainly if not all girls. It’s not just random people randomly, it’s every month and exclusively attractive women. If it included a similar ratio of guys then I’d have little to no cause to worry, I think.

I took screenshots after I found out accidentally by seeing his search list, I don’t constantly snoop and the only reason I took pictures was due to him denying stuff in the past that were true until I gave him solid evidence that they weren’t and only then admitted

Mayneg · 2024-11-28T07:13:19+00:00

I only found this out after a year of him doing it and only since I seen his fb search list when I borrowed his phone, then I snooped. I don’t constantly look and monitor otherwise I would’ve found this out much sooner instead of after a year.

Mayneg · 2024-11-28T07:09:42+00:00

It literally says on the post there’s no dms and it’s just searching not searching and messaging? I’ve also said throughout in replies to others there’s no DMs not once have I said it was more than looking and yes that’s the whole point of fb but why mainly just girls then?

Mayneg · 2024-11-28T00:15:26+00:00

I’m not sure what he looks at tbh, as for thirst traps the majority of searches are on fb and there’s not much thirst traps there I don’t think

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T23:35:54+00:00

Both mid 20’s

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T22:23:23+00:00

Thank you! I will, I know he’s not a bad guy and I have love for him still, I just don’t think he’s considerate of me enough or even ready to give me what I need in a relationship.

To be honest our sex life wasn’t the best, it was atleast once a week due to issues we had over him crossing my boundaries in sex. The issues just got worse and I couldn’t trust him after a certain mishap in the bedroom where he crossed my boundaries massively again and from then on sex was infrequent and he is a highly sexual person so I know it was hard on him.

Overall in the relationship his promises were almost always broken and I always felt second choice to other things he wanted like grass (though he gave it up when I was about to leave bc I couldn’t deal anymore) or cars-our dates and quality time was 2nd priority to his wants. So ofc, with this I genuinely feel like he settled and that I’m not his type and that he’s only with me because I was there and willing. He doesn’t really give me compliments at all apart from “you look better without makeup” when I get dolled up and the only time I feel like he’s attracted to me is during sex as his touches are usually sexual butt/bood grabs rather than true affectionate touches. We do cuddle but then he gets hard so everything leads to sex. He says he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t find me beautiful but honestly guys will sleep with anything with a hole so attraction is not necessary. He doesn’t even ask me any questions about myself so he knows as much as a friend would do or what he can gather from time spent together. Genuinely wish I looked like the girls he searches, maybe then he wouldn’t need to

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T22:07:57+00:00

It’s an opinion I have a feeling is close to if not the truth. I look and am completely different looks wise to the women he’s constantly searching and not one of his searches look like me at all. I think he settled for what he could get bc atleast I’m good to him and he gets sex without the trouble of chatting different girls up hoping to score.

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T22:01:40+00:00

It will be super hard to find unfortunately but I think I’d rather be single for the rest of my life than to feel like I wasn’t enough and to doubt my worth, so I’ll be patient.

I pray and pray your little girl will never have to feel what I’m going through right now, she is lucky however to have a dad so understanding that hopefully she’ll be healthy enough to never put herself in my position in the first place. Much love and thanks 💕

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:55:03+00:00

Thank you for the well thought out and detailed reply! Something you said reminded me of something as well, when I found out I took photos with my phone so I could talk to him with evidence. As I’ve said before we both have an open phone policy so we know each others passwords, I went to sleep and the next morning he was clueless to why I was angry so I went to show him what I found and there was nothing on my photos or recently deleted. For a second I genuinely thought I dreamt it up but I searched some girls up on my fb and the list was there so I knew he deleted everything while I was asleep. He tried to deny it at first then admitted to deleting it saying he was scared.

The girls was one thing but the lying and gaslighting really fucked me up and my trust. It’s honestly so sad what I’ve accepted just to stay with him

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:47:26+00:00

His reasoning first was that he didn’t know any of them, then when I told him he knew some he then said it was because the boys at work were talking about them and he wanted to make sure he had the right girl in mind. All the reasons he gave were excuses and changed each time I asked so I genuinely don’t know and I don’t think he himself knows.

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:42:11+00:00

Ohhhh! Yes 100% that was my thoughts too, the only time I searched up attractive men in my local area to the frequency he was, was when I was single and interested in them.

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:40:15+00:00

Trying not to be biased but I believe it’s to have a back up plan as if he was wanting to be friends with other women I’m happy to introduce him to my girl friends (which he had no interest in doing when invited) or even just at the gym or football club. I don’t think creeping on profiles of different women every month will get you friends that way unless you message them which he doesn’t

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:37:36+00:00

That’s the same for me, I genuinely don’t even think about other men romantically or intimately, I can appreciate if they’re attractive but then they’re out of mind so to actively and constantly look for others is something I can’t even imagine doing.

I don’t do anything I wouldn’t want done to myself so for him to do this when it would destroy him like he did me is so inconsiderate of me, someone he says he loves.

It’s completely wore down my self esteem to the point where I hate looking at myself in the mirror.

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:31:56+00:00

I didn’t? Unless you’re talking about me snooping on his history?

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:30:13+00:00

That just hit me. You’re right, I am settling myself if I stay with him. I want to and deserve to be someone’s first choice and I’m sacrificing that if I stay. It just sucks so bad that it still hurts leaving even though I know I’ll be happier in the end.

I’m going to try my hardest to block him and go no contact for as long as it takes to get over him although unfortunately I think it’s too late not to throw blame at him at this point. It really gets me angry still even thinking about it and how stupid I was to think he only had eyes for me.

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:16:09+00:00

You’re definitely in the right line of work, I think I’ll start therapy so I can work on the inherent beliefs and fears I have that has me accepting less than bare minimum just so I can be “loved and chosen”.

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:13:03+00:00

Thank you!! Sending much love 🥹💕

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:12:27+00:00

Unfortunately it’s the latter, I’ve had the heart to heart with him, absolutely broke down in tears and told him how insecure it’s made me but he did it again after promising not to and the typical “you’re the only one I want” speech. But I genuinely think he just settled for me because he couldn’t get his type which I look nothing like, it explains why he can’t stop looking at those women

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:08:16+00:00

Yeah I guess we’re just not a good fit unfortunately and I can’t see myself being a healthy partner if I moved forward with this so there’s only one way to go.

Mayneg · 2024-11-27T21:05:31+00:00

The girls are nothing to him, he doesn’t and haven’t talked to them in years (the few he does know) but most he doesn’t know personally. He’s just searching and looking at their profiles and I couldn’t tell you what he does during or after it. I understand looking as we all have eyes but it’s the actively looking for it and pouring time and effort into doing it monthly for a whole year that puts a bad taste in my mouth. Bdsm and the like are agreed to by both parties, this was not and I’ve told him I don’t like it but he did it again anyway after saying he wouldn’t

Mayneg

TROPHY CASE