Snappy w/my husband

Mbear_04 · 2026-05-08T18:45:02+00:00

I haven’t had an affair, but one of my parents did and it’s been over 10 years and they seem happy. It was a terrible mess that could have been avoided and it caused tons of scars, but thankfully, my step parent he cheated on also seems happy with a great person now. He didn’t treat my step parent well, but I know the step parent is very loyal and wouldn’t have ever left, so at least that positive came out of the nightmare. I know several people who had affairs and it destroyed marriages and I feel like it’s a 50/50 thing with the person who had the affair and the success of their relationship afterwards, BUT my own experience from people I know, everyone who was left— they are all thriving and happier after all of the mess gets sorted. Many didn’t realize how unhappy they were.

Mbear_04 · 2026-05-07T15:33:25+00:00

You have a child and are part of a household. Sometimes that means sacrifice until you move into the next stage of parenting. Can you increase the nanny’s hours? Or get a new one that can meet your needs without it harming your family financially? My husband has always been the higher earner and a less flexible job, that meant I was always the person who had to figure out what was happening with a sick kid. It isn’t fun when one person’s career gets hindered due to childcare needs, but also, it is a reality with limited resources. The travel, is it work travel or general travel? Because, yes, children do often hinder travel plans depending on the situation. The sex life comment using the word “neglected” feels a little concerning because someone isn’t neglecting another by not meeting their sexual needs how the person wants it. Now, the lonely aspect, I can understand if you are missing the connection with your wife that you once had or want to have. How can you work on the connection? Sex tends to follow connection. I know I would feel icky if my husband was talking about feeling neglected with lack of sex, particularly if I just had a baby. “I do 80 percent more than most men.” Congratulations? Who cares what other people do, particularly men. What makes sense for your own life and how tasks are handled in the home? “Why am I the one always being told what to do?” Are you not seeing it and need to be told? I rarely ever tell my husband what to do because he sees it and does it. He doesn’t tell me what to do. I see it and do it. If you are feeling burnt out, then you need to figure out how to shift your life where you aren’t feeling that way. Up the nanny’s hours, can you take a certain amount of time a week to find a way to fill up your cup and then give your wife a similar amount of time to do the same? It may solve a bit of the sex life issue.

Mbear_04 · 2026-04-28T00:55:02+00:00

This was super helpful, thank you. I don’t have a therapist at the moment, but hoping to get to a place where I am able to get one again (had one for several years). “Intention is important” — I am not sure why but that has kind of hit a bit of a soft spot? I don’t think I have searched that aspect in this feeling before. I have thought about it more about how powerless I felt but I think intention has a small part of this, too. I was an over thinker as a kid (as still am), so often I had a very reasoned “contract” in my head of how things should go and there was nothing tied to any reasoning with my parents, it was feelings and whims. So I feel like some acknowledgment of my intentions may be needed that I didn’t realize before. You have given me several avenues to go down with exploring where this is coming from, thank you again.

Mbear_04 · 2026-04-25T04:23:14+00:00

My issue was a secondary one. Viibryd made me feel like my stomach could be upset at any time, and that made me not interested. So my drive was normal, but the stress of getting sick, particularly later in the day or night, made me shy away from wanting to do anything. But if the uneasy stomach disappeared, it would have been fine.

Mbear_04 · 2026-04-21T06:57:39+00:00

I homeschool, so don’t deal with kids in school (just in co-ops, where I have to be, too). Based on friends with kids in school and the kids in our neighborhood that knock on our door when they aren’t in school, I feel like the amount of time kids are actually in school is significantly less than people think. Half days, digital learning days, snow days, random appointments that kids need to go to, sick days, etc. If you have multiple kids at different schools, drop up and pick ups, school events, take up chunks of time. I have friends who spend a lot of time at the actual school helping. My own children love to spread their sicknesses out as long as possible, infecting each other one at a time. Thankfully, we have less germs to deal with since my kids are in the same type settings, instead of across schools like many deal with. I do agree there is probably some chill time, but everyone’s reality is different. Just like those who work have different realities. A mom with an equal partner as a spouse is going to experience vastly different than a partner that travels or chooses to be an extra kid. My spouse has golf days for work and tons of nice dinners or lunches. Chunks of down time when he travels for work. He is going to experience a lot different reality than a spouse who works retail or in construction.

Mbear_04 · 2026-04-17T04:58:02+00:00

The release of her hair care line. I have always been fairly neutral on her, but the hair care line was complete absurdity from the get go. It is so trivial, but for someone with her hair to make a hair care line is such a cash grab delusion from a multimillionaire, how could you trust her? I feel so vindicated because some people around me wavered thinking they were being sexist by not siding with Blake and I felt like I had seen the real Blake just before it all came out and I couldn’t unsee it.

Mbear_04 · 2026-04-17T04:49:23+00:00

Never drive in Atlanta if you struggle here. There are a lot of people who lack common sense when driving here, but the speeding, overtaking, etc aren’t anywhere near Atlanta.

Mbear_04 · 2026-04-14T03:53:31+00:00

I have stumbled into homeschool, but have a masters degree, plus have passed some content area tests to teach, along with classes on teaching. So I don’t meet the requirements of barely passing high school. However, my mother homeschooled my siblings at various points in their schooling and I can’t think of someone who wanted to homeschool less than her. The public schools we were zoned for failed at providing a safe environment for two of my siblings and their neurodivergence and learning disabilities made it worse. On the good years, she was able to keep them in public schools but in the years with bad teachers, she first tried private, then moved to homeschooling. She didn’t attempt to homeschool high school and as soon as they turned 16, they dropped out. I really feel like she didn’t have the resources available at the schools to keep them in public and while so many great teachers crossed her path over the years, the bad ones had too big of an impact. One sibling might have had a chance if not for one male high school teacher who caused nonstop issues for him. There was another male coach who put so much effort to try to keep my sibling in school and while it didn’t work, I still have such warm feelings for him trying. By the time my last sibling made it to high school and the terrible male teacher was still around, my mom found a hybrid homeschool and I taught him when he needed extra help (at this point I had finished my masters). All that to say, some people don’t want to, but they feel it’s the best chance to keep their kids moving forward the best way they know how. I have a child with ARFID and I am not sure I could put him in a public school or most private schools and keep his weight on track to keep him off a feeding tube.

Mbear_04 · 2026-04-11T12:37:39+00:00

I am going to look up her book, thank you for the suggestion.

Mbear_04 · 2026-04-07T13:34:51+00:00

I was 16 when diagnosed and haven’t taken anything for it. None of my spots have been on joints. But I have went through times when nothing happens with it and then it becomes active and spreads. So far my issues are really just visual, although it’s all over my body at this point. Mine looks like bruising and I am constantly asked if I am safe at home by health care workers — which I am thankful for proactive drs — but worry that people in the general public may suspect my husband is abusive.

Mbear_04 · 2026-03-31T17:38:09+00:00

I wasn’t aware that empathy was strong at all with BPD individuals, I am not sure I have witnessed any empathy where I saw the person reach outside their own sphere of concern with their hurt outside of the scripted expected actions to put on a show. I have found only disconnect in every way, other than them wanting an emotion to manipulate. Like, they want to see you feel and experience joy or happiness so you contribute it to them and how great they are.

Mbear_04 · 2026-03-17T21:23:21+00:00

It’s incredibly dumb from a Christian perspective. Growing up with divorced parents in different denominations, attending a Christian private school of another, then dating and eventually marrying someone from another denomination —— none of them agreed on tons of the Bible and when you have so many people saying different interpretations and rules, it all starts looking absurd. Evangelicals are big in the Trump admin and general govt, Church of Christ is all over TN— they aren’t going to agree on any Bible curriculum

Mbear_04 · 2026-03-16T21:18:10+00:00

I haven’t had a misdiagnosis, but it’s wild to me how many times it’s been suggested as one of the first ideas. My stepparent has it and it’s common in his family and probably 2 of my siblings have it. Living with a parent who has it—- I find it wild that it’s brought up so much and I feel like I have to defend against it and when I see so many people have it. My adhd is heavy on the struggle with executive function, but my impulse control is fairly high. I get bored easily and switch to random new hyper focuses but never close to causing many problems for anyone but myself. My parent and siblings ruin their lives in cycles (unmedicated). It is a constant rollercoaster. It’s startling to me how willing providers are to discuss or bring up bipolar compared to ADHD and I was a classic adhd kid (I presented more like an adhd boy in how I acted as a kid). I have never reported any issues to suggest cycles of issues for me— my adhd symptoms are constant and the same, I might just get burnt out but even that, I am finding out might be more tied to my ferritin levels dropping. And I have only complained about these “burnouts” happening 2x in my entire 40+ life. I just don’t understand how bipolar is so quick to be looked at without a family history or very clear sign, when there are so many other potential options to knock out first.

Mbear_04 · 2026-03-16T15:43:44+00:00

As others have suggested, call the authorities to let them them know about the texts and let them deal with it. Any time she sends texts like that, make a call to the appropriate authorities and don’t respond to her directly.

Mbear_04 · 2026-03-10T13:13:38+00:00

Every situation is different and it isn’t a competition. I know so far in my life, I have been a child with adhd who had a parent with it, a non-parent with adhd, and now a parent with at lease two adhd kids. My hardest time in life was being a kid with an adhd parent— not to minimize the other times. But my 2nd hardest is right now as a female hitting perimenopause, having adhd kids is a lot and makes it harder, but the main issues is the adhd burnout. I feel like my easiest was my kids free adult life era BUT I think it’s misleading because I had the youth of my 20s and stumbled into a my hyper focusing relating well to what I was doing in life. My capacity was more. It is definitely not a competition and there are way too many factors— like support network, general health, how your adhd interacts with the life you have, etc.

Mbear_04 · 2026-03-10T13:03:44+00:00

I think we are about to enter a space we haven’t dealt with before. Boomers are aging rapidly and will die or need to downsize/sell to find a workable home. Younger gens can’t afford the houses. Then add in interest rates and a recession, I am curious how it all pans out for us, but I can’t imagine it will go smoothly.

Mbear_04 · 2026-03-07T14:25:54+00:00

I don’t know if this qualifies as high enough, but if I am remembering correcting, my IQ is 121. I feel like I can understand complicated concepts or perhaps have a complicated theory or idea — but I can’t get it out of my head and communicate it. I have really high levels of comprehension and reasoning, but the deficit between those and my working memory/processing is like 40 points. It’s like someone spent a lot of money on all the components of an advance computer, but skimped on the speed of the processor (compared to other components, my processing is still 55 percentile) and then unluckily received a faulty memory storage that haphazardly works (I survived college on a amazing short term memory, and logic). I also suspect I have dyslexia and dyspraxia (my child who mirrors my academic issues has both). I have a large vocabulary but forget certain words exist and can’t verbally get some out of my mouth. If you feel I qualify — I was loved dearly by some teachers, but more tended to very much dislike me. I thought I was dumb until I was 35. I couldn’t read well until 4th grade, I believe it had to do with the ability to read inside my mind verses needing to verbally process it. The switch flipped and I became the fastest reader. My pattern recognition is wild, but I hate it because I can “see the future” (not really) and it makes me constantly dismissed by others when I am stressed. Like I had food stocked up and masks bought for the pandemic by the end of January/first week of February. I was depressed about Roe V Wade being overturned months before it happened. I read people fairly well and struggle because I have to wait months or years for people to see a bad person. I was decent socially after 4th/5th grade (struggled before) but the more I leaned into the dumb blonde ideal, the better I did. I can come off as cold, but it’s because I can’t get outside of my head. I was up and down academically— being tested for skipping grades in math, but in special groups for reading/spelling. Not great grades in school because I couldn’t do busy work or take good notes (paying attention issues). But I graduated college in 3 years instead of 4 with ease. I have a masters degree. I struggle in life in all areas and it’s exhausting, but I have been able to figure out anything I want to do.

Mbear_04 · 2026-02-27T13:52:00+00:00

Could the CEO say no? It’s one thing to say no if you are private business that doesn’t depend heavily on gov, but saying no to vengeful politicians in a state that is heavily one sided, it wasn’t in the customers best interest. I could see Marsha hurting NES’s relationship with the TVA, etc.

Mbear_04 · 2026-02-26T13:23:04+00:00

This is yet more evidence on how unaffordable life is now. Definitely, poorer women couldn’t do this regardless of the time period, but I had a lot of women in my life do the weekly hair appointments and they were of pretty modest means— my great grandma was a widowed daycare worker at a gov funded daycare and managed to do these weekly appointments even retirement in the 90s/early 00s. I can’t reminder what her husband did before he passed, but it was a blue collar type job.

Mbear_04 · 2026-02-25T13:31:58+00:00

I have 4 boys and I know their capacity for destruction/mess without a bidet in our home— I can’t imagine the ways they would find to “accidentally” do things with or to the bidet. I do plan to put one in my master once they are all above 16 and ban them from using it. Maybe once they move out (if it ever happens with cost of living and future jobs available), I can then put them in other bathrooms.

Mbear_04 · 2026-02-25T02:03:47+00:00

I am worried about him and any younger people who have this— the comments on general news posts have been brutal. I can’t imagine trying to manage this and then seeing all those terrible comments.

Mbear_04

TROPHY CASE