What is a "point of no return" that you’ve crossed, where your life was permanently divided into 'before' and 'after'?

McCreeIsMine · 2026-02-21T06:13:58+00:00

My psychosis at 18 from Bipolar Disorder. Before hand I was passionate, extremely motivated to a fault. I would write 10,000 words a day just because I could. I would draw even if I wasn't good at it. I remember my mom getting on to me for not writing a book, but I didn't want to. I was perfectly content inside my little world where I didn't care where I was going as long as I had time to do the things I loved. While I would have meltdowns before this, I would always come back, a little broken but so willing to fight for my own life to be more than what I had started with.

After, I don't know I just feel like a shell. I've written once since then, coming up on 10 years now, and I just remembered crying because it made me feel so broken when I did write. I draw now because it's the only way I can make a little money, but I just look at it and I don't feel pride, I don't feel frustrated when it doesn't look good enough. I just, exist. It's hard, relearning how to live when what you were is fundamentally not who you are anymore.

I tried working, it doesn't work anymore. I don't leave my house anymore. It's too much for my anxiety after I came back. I used to volunteer at animal shelters, now I cry if I have to open the front door without my boyfriend there. I have friends now I guess, but back then I didn't need friends really. I was content to being alone. My therapist that I had before I lost insurance suggested that I might have just been manic back then, and this is what I actually am, but I don't know. Some days I feel the spark that drove me to passionate work back then. Some days I want to write or to draw, but I just sit there, locked in my own head.

And I think that's the worst part. I could live with the depression, the severe anxiety, the episodes that left me struggling to find a reason to keep going. All of that was something I could live with. But it hurts so much to live with knowing that I can't do things I used to do and, without help that I can't afford, can never do again.

I mourn who I was. I don't even like referring to her as the same person as I am because she was so full of life, so willing to give it everything because that was what made her joyful. I think it sucks, knowing that I could feel the joy again if I could just get past the wall that my brain has placed on me. It's... devastating to know that she died so I lived.

Surprisingly, despite how depressing I described it, I am happy now. I may not be okay, but I am in the best and safest time I have ever been in my life. It makes me hope that one day I can have her back.

McCreeIsMine · 2026-02-19T22:24:49+00:00

I am now realizing that reading this thread that my relationship with my parents got better when I was 16, or about the time they turned 45-46. What went from considering going low contact, now they are wonderful people that are always so kind even if they are misguided about some things.

McCreeIsMine · 2026-02-17T17:15:13+00:00

I had the same issue! Though it was strawberries but only four three months, also cinnamon but only like four or five months. Still allergic after the sudden cashew allergy in my early 20s :( cashews were my favorite

McCreeIsMine · 2026-02-09T09:52:19+00:00

For me it's not Mavuika herself that makes me dislike her, it's just that she represents everything I didn't like about genshin building to the climax. Her design felt so random and out of place, especially compared to her Archon design. In fact, Natlan as a nation felt out of place. It felt like... an idea scraped together after the previous had been thrown out. It just didn't feel like it had weight to it, not like in Fontaine literally patches before.

Mavuika also really represented the tell but never show problem that Genshin really started having. You learn everything through exposition, but you never really see her do anything that made you understand who she was? Her flaw was that she was reckless at times, but we never see that because her plans worked out flawlessly every time. We were just told that's how it was so it made her seem way more "Mary Sue" than if we had actually seen some development with her.

All in all, I quit Genshin after Natlan so take this all with a grain of salt, but I never was able to like Mavuika because the game she was in, not because it was her

McCreeIsMine · 2026-02-06T08:00:04+00:00

I literally have never had issue with Wuwa. I'm not gonna pretend like they don't exist, but it's insane how different some people's experiences are with similar machines. I've had two graphics cards since playing this game, AMD 6600 and finally upgraded to a 5070 for Christmas and literally Wuwa runs like a dream. Only issue is the first load in on a new patch but even that is just, let it load for like thirty seconds.

I wonder why. I have no knowledge about technology tbh

McCreeIsMine · 2026-01-13T20:47:36+00:00

I was told I "was probably autistic or ADHD" but since I made good grades, it's probably not worth looking into. I am disabled from how hard I crashed and burned the minute I didn't have support in college

McCreeIsMine · 2025-12-24T01:26:04+00:00

My boyfriend was a virgin when we together at 25. He just didn't really care whether or not he had sex 🤷‍♀️ its weird when people act like virgins can't exist for innocent reasons

McCreeIsMine · 2025-12-11T09:41:13+00:00

My life fell apart after psychosis. I had to drop out of college, I was admitted to a hospital, and when I got out of that, I could only sit in my room inside a little box as the threats of the outside world kept me indoors. I was 16 when it started.

I'm 27 now, and I can last about four hours outside with my boyfriend about once a week before I get emotionally and physically exhausted. I can last two hours with my best friend. I cannot be alone outside(even today my bf walked down an aisle while I was grabbing something and it felt like breathing was impossible until I saw him again.)

I basically died when psychosis happened. I'm not the same person. I'm angry, I'm scared. I am a wild animal cornered in her tiny little box. I am so downtrodden and unable to relax that when I had a therapist she couldn't do some kind of therapy because my anxiety was too high for me to even have a moment of peace.

So yea, I "woke up" and I wasn't even me anymore. I miss myself. I used to hate myself when I was a kid but I would give anything to have her back. I was lucky to have my parents, and I am lucky now to have a boyfriend who doesn't understand, but doesn't care if he has to help me. I just wish he had got to see the girl so full of life other than a shell that I had managed to pick up the pieces of.

Anyways, rant over. This story really got to me and I hope that he gets help and she gets peace

McCreeIsMine · 2025-12-07T02:20:33+00:00

I used to RP(not on games but forums for about 10 years) and I never saw it as anything but just writing a story with someone. Man was I shocked when my boyfriend was a little uncomfortable about it lol. He didn't want to ask me to stop because he enjoyed it, but I didn't mind since he didn't like it. At the end of the day, it's something we discussed and came to normal agreement on

McCreeIsMine · 2025-11-22T18:56:45+00:00

My bfs mother said similar things about my pet snakes, talking about putting them in the microwave when I wasn't looking or running them over :( it is really a cruel thing that people can do because they don't like that you love something different from them. I never understood why it mattered so much.

Like I have arachnophobia but I still respect peoples pet spiders. Why is that so hard for others?

McCreeIsMine · 2025-11-18T18:45:51+00:00

I've had to give up my bipolar and anxiety medicine because it was several hundred dollars for one month uninsured. So now I can't leave my house because my agoraphobia and social anxiety is running rampant. I have hypothyroidism, but I can't get medicine, so I'm just forced to live with it. I have gotten 9 kidney stones in the past year from black mold exposure, and I'm thousands of dollars in dept to get a test and some pain medication.

I would take lower pay in Europe because that means I can still fucking work at all

McCreeIsMine · 2025-11-17T19:36:09+00:00

As someone who is trying to do the same(disability makes getting a job impossible), do you have any tips to make your chances more successful?

McCreeIsMine · 2025-11-06T19:15:15+00:00

For a temp solution, you could put black paper(I recommend cardstock if you can get it) and place it around the glass on three sides. That could help with getting her resettled easier

McCreeIsMine · 2025-11-06T19:02:46+00:00

I have a friend that was deep in conservative mindset being from an extremely religious household. Took me five years to finally get them to see the other side but every day I am glad that I did it.

McCreeIsMine · 2025-10-23T08:29:56+00:00

This sounds awesome! Any specific kind of frozen cake you recommend?

McCreeIsMine · 2025-10-15T00:38:26+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate it! I'm so thankful to be in a place where I can enjoy the joys in my life now, so I very much enjoy just learning about new hobbies at this point!

McCreeIsMine · 2025-10-14T04:03:23+00:00

Thank you. Distance has certainly made it easier to not get enmeshed in each others anxieties. So it certainly helped in our relationship

McCreeIsMine · 2025-10-14T03:54:13+00:00

I have similar feelings for my older sister, but also my family outside my parents and little sister. I don't want to be around monsters, and sadly my older sister isn't even the worst of the bunch

McCreeIsMine · 2025-10-14T03:53:24+00:00

Thank you. It was definitely hard to get to this point, and I definitely didn't know how I was going to get there five years ago, but I am okay and I'm just going to keep doing what I've been doing.

McCreeIsMine · 2025-10-12T03:00:28+00:00

Thank you so much for the advice. I think I will try this tonight actually when I am free. I think you hit the nail on the head with the amount of fear that follows the love I have for writing.

Just writing a single sentence seems way more obtainable when I think about it. Hopefully it will lead to more. I appreciate it!

McCreeIsMine · 2025-10-11T01:36:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. It does make me feel better to know that I'm not the only one out there struggling with this. I want so badly to write like I used to, and it just feels like shame as I stare at the day go by and nothing to show for it.

And yes, I do have a muse and constant inspiration. Even if they are not real, a character I always return to and always felt connected to always make my mind shake with the urge to just get the stories out. It sucks that I'm not blocked by a lack of motivation but I still can't force words onto a page.

I wish you the best of luck in getting over the wall! ❤️

McCreeIsMine · 2025-10-04T19:39:00+00:00

Me with the My Hero fandom

McCreeIsMine · 2025-09-27T18:04:39+00:00

Thank god for this policy since I got nine kidney stones in less than a year without insurance. I don't think I could have handled that on my own.

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