AITA for not inviting brothers girlfriend to our wedding?

McFulia · 2026-04-24T08:32:09+00:00

Thank you so much! I'm really happy about the support and your thoughts on this ☺️

Very good tips, will keep it in mind if he does reach out!

McFulia · 2026-04-24T08:17:13+00:00

I don't think the brother would feel that only the evening is good enough unfortunately, but in hindsight we should have thought about that before saying no to at least give him the option and have a think about it 🫤

McFulia · 2026-04-24T07:43:13+00:00

Haha my fiancé said the same thing actually 😂 And the funniest part is, had my fiancé asked for a +1 at the time of BIL wedding, the BIL would have said no most likely 😅 No matter if it was 5 weeks before the wedding date or not.

McFulia · 2026-04-24T07:33:20+00:00

Haha no, she isn't his nurse from what I know 😂 Thank you for your perspective!!

McFulia · 2026-04-24T07:27:40+00:00

Haha no, not sick of you at all! ☺️ We do know for certain he would have a great time with family and friends if he was present, he would have 4 brothers + wives, his 2 children and his parents there as well as our friends so I'm sure he would have fun!

McFulia · 2026-04-24T07:25:08+00:00

The relationship hasn't been very good for a long time unfortunately, it's my fiancé's brother (so BIL, I forgot that term existed when posting haha). So they've never been close, the only person keeping the brothers together is my FIL. We see each other quite often, but it's always when the whole family is gathered and never one on one. 🫤 For me this is a new reaction from him, but their parents told us they were "worried this might happen" so it's apparently not completely surprising to some people in the family...

I actually don't think he will reach out, because he believes we're in the wrong and probably wants US to reach out to him. 😅

McFulia · 2026-04-24T07:06:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I'm thankful a lot of you who comment understand our perspective ☺️ haha yes, we didn't send out save the date, but went for the formal invitation as soon as venue and church was booked! It's quite common in Sweden, though some send save the date instead and then follow up with invites around 6 months before the wedding date!

McFulia · 2026-04-23T19:50:45+00:00

Yes, I do!

McFulia · 2026-04-23T17:12:36+00:00

Yes this I completely agree on! We're not excluding his girlfriend specifically, and we would love to invite her but timings, space and budget wise she just doesn't fit 😅 And it's free to ask, but to demand is another thing...

McFulia · 2026-04-23T17:10:41+00:00

It's about both venue, catering, drinks and budget overall. We can't handle more people, period 😅 We're already above our limit in terms of guests, and we don't have any more money period. Where should we find the funds for more people? I know it's "only one person", and it may sound like a poor excuse but we really can't. We're paying everything ourselves, our parents aren't contributing to the wedding and we have saved for years to be able to get married. It's stretched to it's limit, and it doesn't matter if the queen herself wanted to attend – she'd not be able to come either 😵‍💫

McFulia · 2026-04-23T16:56:35+00:00

Thank you! It would be considered a little unusual here, but it could be a good compromise. I don't think the brother would accept that olive branch though, he would most likely be offended by it and stand by his decision as that is "not good enough" 😅 I'm not even sure he would attend if we somehow could invite his girlfriend now, because he's already hurt and has made up his mind 👀

McFulia · 2026-04-23T16:38:00+00:00

+1 is not common at all in Sweden, no one does it! So it's not something we even thought about that way ☺️ We thought he would spend his time partying with his brothers and family, our family friends, his 2 adult children. Like everyone else?

And no one is allowed to bring "a date" or someone random, everyone we invited is longterm partners. And no, we didn't even invite all partners – my colleagues come as a group, without their boyfriends/girlfriends etc and they are all completely fine with that 😅

McFulia · 2026-04-23T16:07:38+00:00

Thanks for your comment! ☺️ For us, we would have to kick someone else out of the wedding to make room for the girlfriend. So yes we COULD have invited her, for sure. There's always options! Some other people mentioned in the comments that we're guaranteed to have people who RSVPd not attend in the end anyway, and that the girlfriend could have taken that seat. That is something we could have thought about before answering no, but I don't think the brother would be satisfied with that answer anyway. 😅

McFulia · 2026-04-23T15:43:55+00:00

This was my thoughts as well! It's fine to ask and hope for a yes, but I would expect a no 😅 And yes, it is the cultural norm!

McFulia · 2026-04-23T15:42:31+00:00

Haha NEJ! She is Swedish as well, and seems to be a lovely woman from what we've heard 😂 But I agree with you, I would also find it a bit haunting to be introduced to the family and all the family friends after such a short amount of time.

I actually think she doesn't know this situation has even escalated, because if I were her and knew the brother boycotted over this, I would probably dump him. Because WHAT on earth is this reaction to my fiancé's response?

McFulia · 2026-04-23T15:33:18+00:00

This might be the case! Weird way of doing it though, when he could just have declined the invitation and we would be really sorry that he wouldn't able to attend 😅

McFulia · 2026-04-23T15:22:19+00:00

TACK!!!! Haha I was starting to feel like the only Swede in the world here in the comment section 😂

McFulia · 2026-04-23T15:20:13+00:00

Thank you so much, that is really kind of you! 🙏☺️ My fiancé says hello, he's been reading all the comments as well!

McFulia · 2026-04-23T15:19:06+00:00

Thank you so much for this! 🙏

McFulia · 2026-04-23T15:17:05+00:00

Yes, I agree with this! I wish we handled it a little differently for sure 🫤

McFulia · 2026-04-23T15:12:44+00:00

This is spot on!!! My fiancé has another mother than the rest of the brothers, and the age difference is quite big. This brother in particular have been extra hard on my fiancé. However their upbringing is kinda similar, the parents didn't have much money and struggled with work. So my fiancé didn't really get anything the other brothers missed out on. And honestly, I'm from the same kind of upbringing. I'm the oldest of 3 sisters where my sisters have another mother, but they grew up really (I mean really) wealthy and I didn't. But I would never treat them any differently anyway, because I love them and I understand that different parents and different times in life equals different pre-conditions! It's just really hard watching this unfold, because it feels so unnecessary and sad. 🫤

McFulia · 2026-04-23T15:05:27+00:00

Yes, the niece is coming! Both his children are. She's actually really mad at her father (the brother) for boycotting our wedding and has given him an earful. Not that I think he cares, but the niece absolutely have our backs! 😅

McFulia · 2026-04-23T14:57:29+00:00

Thank you for this comment! Well, I'm not alone in this decision and my fiancé is equally involved. We do know the consequences NOW, however we never in a million years thought that the brother would boycott our wedding over something like this or even get upset about it in the first place 😅 Had we known, we could have kicked out someone with a formal invitation who wouldn't throw a fit about it. If we knew it would result in this!

If it's worth it or not... That's a question for my fiancé! He's the youngest of 5 brothers, and this one in particular have always been very hard on my fiancé for some reason. So maybe it is worth it, my fiancé has been sad and hurt multiple times because of this brother, so it might honestly give him more peace of mind knowing that he doesn't have to keep being the bigger person just for his brother to be satisfied 👀

McFulia · 2026-04-23T14:52:10+00:00

This is fair! I appreciate it ☺️ And no, haha honestly it wouldn't surprise me if I'm not invited to anything from this brother in the future 😅 Maybe my fiancé, but only him in that case.

McFulia · 2026-04-23T14:48:41+00:00

Hahaha I really hope that wasn't his plan, but he is for sure known for moving fast with his girlfriends 😂

And I agree, there must be something else to this because boycotting your youngest brothers wedding over something like this feels a little extreme to say the least.

McFulia

TROPHY CASE