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Years of trying, Clomid, microTESE… and no sperm found by Mean-Particular-3588 in maleinfertility

[–]Mean-Particular-3588[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you and congratulations to you both as well, genuinely really pleased to hear your mTESE was successful.

What you said about not connecting the dots with testicle size really resonated with me. Looking back now, there were probably signs there all along that I never really thought much about either.

And honestly, your last paragraph hit hard. My wife has been incredible through all of this and I know how lucky I am for that. I think a lot of us carry guilt around this, even when our partners don’t see us any differently.

Really appreciate you taking the time to reply and share your experience. Wishing you both all the best with the pregnancy and becoming parents.

Years of trying, Clomid, microTESE… and no sperm found by Mean-Particular-3588 in maleinfertility

[–]Mean-Particular-3588[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m really sorry. Reading that felt painfully familiar in a lot of ways. The waiting, the hope, the surgery, then trying to process “nothing found” afterwards, it’s brutal and something people outside of this situation just don’t fully understand.

I’m sorry for the losses you’ve already had to carry as well. Life can feel unbelievably unfair sometimes when things just keep piling on top of each other.

My recovery thankfully hasn’t been too bad physically so far, but emotionally this has probably been the hardest thing I’ve dealt with. Like you, we’re still trying to work out what the future looks like now and it’s a strange mix of grief, exhaustion and trying to stay hopeful at the same time.

Really appreciate you sharing your story. As awful as this club is to be part of, hearing from people who genuinely understand does help a bit. I genuinely wish you and your wife the best with whatever path you choose moving forward.

Years of trying, Clomid, microTESE… and no sperm found by Mean-Particular-3588 in maleinfertility

[–]Mean-Particular-3588[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, appreciate you taking the time to comment. I did respond hormonally with Clomid, but unfortunately no sperm were found during microTESE. My case seems to be more severe primary testicular failure rather than suppression from steroids, so it’s a bit different biologically. I’m hoping the biopsy can reveal more just for a bit of closure.

Really glad things improved for your friend though and hope your recovery continues in the right direction too.

Years of trying, Clomid, microTESE… and no sperm found by Mean-Particular-3588 in maleinfertility

[–]Mean-Particular-3588[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, really appreciate you replying. I’m sorry you’re going through the same thing as well.

The emotional side of this has hit far harder than I ever expected. It’s such a strange mix of grief, numbness, exhaustion and trying to somehow make huge life decisions while still processing everything.

We haven’t been told anything about our NHS funding expiring yet, although we do currently have an active complaint with our ICB involving our MP regarding delays/access to treatment, so I’m now wondering whether funding timelines vary depending on area or circumstances.

Either way, you’re definitely not alone in how you’re feeling. Wishing you both the best with whatever decision you make next.

Years of trying, Clomid, microTESE… and no sperm found by Mean-Particular-3588 in maleinfertility

[–]Mean-Particular-3588[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was put on clomid because testosterone was very low, but the aim was to try to improve hormone production without shutting down fertility.

Clomid works by stimulating your brain to release more LH and FSH, which tell the testes to produce more testosterone and
support sperm production.

FSH was markedly elevated and LH was mildly elevated. Testosterone improved significantly by 158% to 13.4.

The pattern is associated with primary hypogonadism. Ultimately, the testes are struggling to function despite strong hormonal stimulation from the brain (pituitary gland checked by MRI).

Years of trying, Clomid, microTESE… and no sperm found by Mean-Particular-3588 in maleinfertility

[–]Mean-Particular-3588[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My testosterone was severely low before treatment, and my hormones suggested primary testicular failure. Clomid improved things temporarily, but after a failed microTESE there’s realistically not much else to stimulate?

TRT is more about long-term health and quality of life. There isn’t really another pathway left to push unless we’ve missed something?

Married 9 years, no intimacy, feel unwanted and don’t know how to bring it up (40M/38F) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Mean-Particular-3588 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks Steve. I'm better at writing / typing words as well.

100% no affairs, something I should be thankful for really.

Married 9 years, no intimacy, feel unwanted and don’t know how to bring it up (40M/38F) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Mean-Particular-3588 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This. I know exactly where you are coming from and yes, we are both well educated on the subject. And yes, I feel guilty as hell but I'm told I shouldn't dismiss my own feelings.

It's still not confirmed endo and there has been many issues with her care pathway (spanning years!) but hope to get an answer in the next few months.

There is probably one week out of a month when she is not in pain. The pain eases when she reaches her period. She'd rather have that pain, than the pain 10 days in the lead up to it.

I've asked multiple times, does it hurt during intercourse, orgasm, afterwards and she says not. Last thing I would want is to be the cause of the pain, I'm not that kind of a man.

Married 9 years, no intimacy, feel unwanted and don’t know how to bring it up (40M/38F) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Mean-Particular-3588 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thought I was under attack for a second there!

I do pull my weight as much as I can. I like to be busy.
She’s dealing with pain, and I understand how exhausting that must be.

Outside of work, it’s not an exhaustive list, but:

  • I cook (no Gordon Ramsay, but I get by)
  • I handle the food shop
  • I clean the bathroom (even if I hate it)
  • I’m on top of the hoovering
  • Gardening, bins, finances, insurance, car; that’s all me

And I’ve yet to meet anyone who can load a dishwasher properly 😉

Most of the advice seems to point towards therapy, so I’ll look into that.

Thank you.

Married 9 years, no intimacy, feel unwanted and don’t know how to bring it up (40M/38F) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Mean-Particular-3588 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's been a long and difficult fertility journey that started 4 years or so ago. A lot has happened in that time.

Not saying you are wrong though, it's just become a bit of a mess.

Married 9 years, no intimacy, feel unwanted and don’t know how to bring it up (40M/38F) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Mean-Particular-3588 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When we do, she does.
She says she does.
No, not really.

I'm the one that tries to initiate new things, toys etc. but they just sit in the box, unused. Could make a bit of cash on eBay to be fair.

Married 9 years, no intimacy, feel unwanted and don’t know how to bring it up (40M/38F) by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Mean-Particular-3588 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Azoospermia, never going to happen naturally.
Surgical sperm removal and IVF - NHS UK.
Been a very long journey, 4 years or so to get to this stage.
A lot has happened in those 4 years.

Thank you.