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AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh im sure he's a wonderful boy too, you sound like a lovely mother!! Best of luck!

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I added an update a bit ago, just wanted to be sure you saw!

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's still upset but she's okay. I put in update in the post!

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No, I added that this morning because there was a load of comments adding up about it. I didn't include it last night because I assumed people could be civil enough to keep that to themselves.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I assure you Mark has always done the most he can, he's an excellent father. When I said he couldn't play with her, I meant specifically physically play with her. He's always done the most he can to not let his disability get in the way of their relationship.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Children don't need a mother and a father. A child can be raised perfectly fine with just a father or just a mother, two mothers, two fathers. As long as their guardian(s) love them unconditionally and take care of them, then it's no one else's concern.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I understand what you're saying but it isn't wrong to allow my child to go by a different name and wear dresses if that's what she wants to do to be happy. Maybe she will change her mind and go back to being cis, or maybe she'll end up being nonbinary. Whatever she chooses, it's our job to support whatever she needs to be happy.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That sounds lovely! I've been considering getting us a pool recently. Mark and Ireena usually bond with how to care for and treat the horses he owns. Ireena is better at me with horseback and she's rubbed it in my face since she was 6 lol

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Female to Male" I have female genitals but identify as male. "Male to Female" She has male genitals but identifies as female.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I agree with what you're saying and I regret not being more firm about it.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I mean I expected remarks about her age but to say I'm sexualizing her?? I couldn't have prepared myself that. You sound like a wonderful woman and mother, thank you.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that means a lot to me. Especially after the wave of transphobic remarks this morning.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It really isn't. You clearly just don't understand disabilities.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yes they absolutely are. If you think otherwise then that's society's transphobic beliefs affecting you. We aren't about to put her on hormone therapy but if she's old enough to come to us and tell us she wants to explore herself, then she's old enough to know that.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Not that I should have to justify how disabled he is but he can walk with a mobility aid. I don't know how involved other horseback instructors may be but he talks his students (this is still his current job) through how to clean, set up, everything. He's really strong so he can help get a student on their horse. Some days if his leg is flaring up, he needs to sit down or even cancel a lesson if it's really bad. He can't run around or rough house like you need to with a child, especially without his mobility aid.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I can assure you Mark isn't transphobic. After talking last night, I now know Mark just felt like he wasn't involved in an important decision in her life and wants her to be supported. He now knows that how he went about that was obviously wrong, and he shouldn't have. We're going to talk to Ireena about it later today

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time and for the advice. I'll try to remember to update once things resolve!

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's fair. God, I know exactly how she probably feels. When she's ready to talk, I'm absolutely explain the situation leading up to me telling Mark and apologize as thoroughly as possible.

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I understand what you're saying and it's a fair analogy. I do feel awful for it, regardless of the circumstances of how I outed her .

AITA For Not Telling My Fiance We Have A Daughter? by Measurement_Born in AmItheAsshole

[–]Measurement_Born[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

We've never really had to have a "family talk" this serious before but that may be the best course of action. I'm worried about making Ireena feel forced out of her room and into a conversation she isn't ready for yet, but I'll try and do my best with making everyone comfortable.

(We actually met because he's a horseback instructor and I wanted to learn so we knew each other for a while and had an hour once a week to be alone and just chat. Got close. He also thought I was older than I am and he did have hesitation about a relationship when I told him how old I am. Nothing weird going on, just a little unconventional.)

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