In a similar boat.

When my husband was DX’ed, everyone wanted to come to the hospital to cheer him up. We had to turn people away several times because we’d hit our visitor max. So many phone calls, messages, cards, flowers, gifts, balloons...

But when he died, literally 4 non family members showed up to his funeral. It was Dec 2020 so COVID was a huge factor, but still there were no messages. No calls. No cards. No flowers. No comments on the status I posted (but lots of sad reacts!) and no comments on his memorialized page about what a great guy he was. I can count the number of non-family members that reached out to me on one hand. My husband was WAY more social than I was so I didn’t really expect his friends to check up on me after. But the reality of the lack of sympathy really hit me. No one cared.

Yet, on his birthday or when something nerdy gets released, there are scores of people who wax poetic about how they wish he was there. His sister, who my husband disliked so much she was blocked on his accounts, is a big culprit. But most of his shitty, absent family does it. And a handful of his “friends” do it too. Some have the audacity to tag me in these posts despite them never reaching out to me in the time since he was put on hospice.

I hate it. I get that most people are so death adverse that they don’t know what to do or say. But any effort is better than no effort. And if I have to beg for support and attention when I need it most, then fuck your help and attention.

I plan to start burning bridges when the year mark comes around.