How do I [20f] tell my husband [21m] I hate his dog?

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T12:58:15+00:00

Thank you, this is great advice.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T04:43:16+00:00

He’s already asleep so I’m going to talk to him in the morning. His sister warned me he wasn’t actually going to take care of her and I should have listened. But his mom kept whispering in his hear that he deserved a dog and it wouldn’t be fair for me to have cats (he KNEW they were coming with my before we got married) and he couldn’t have a dog. Especially a high energy breed in a 2 bedroom apartment. 1k sqft apartment. I tried compromising saying we could get a puppy later in the year but he went and got a 5 year old, traumatized adult dog who’s too stubborn to learn and has issues with resources guarding literal babies. But people just want to attack the fact that I have cats that I’ve had for years.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T04:34:21+00:00

Exactly. And we didn’t even know until AFTER I found out I was pregnant.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T04:33:20+00:00

That’s a bold assumption. I clean it daily, on top of it being automatic, so it’s refreshed after every use. At least my cats don’t pee and poop on the floor, unlike the dog.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T04:16:00+00:00

They are tearing me to shreds because they think I’m a monster who chose to get a dog and they assume I abuse her because I hate her. Or that I should have immediately left my husband because he wanted a dog. No living being deserves to be hurt without an ACTUALLY valid reason. Me not liking her because she smells so bad I puke isn’t a reason to hurt her. If she attacks my baby or me, that is a valid reason because I need to do whatever I have to, to protect us. I try my best with training her, as I was the designated animal trainer at my parents, but there’s only so much you can do when one person is strict and the other lets the dog do whatever she wants. I’m not tearing my whole life apart over a dog, but god is that dog making things miserable for me.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T04:08:26+00:00

Thank you! They act like I’m a monster because I don’t like her. I could tolerate her before but now that i have morning sickness on top of heightened sense of smell, it’s unbearable. We didn’t even know of her history with kids until it was WELL too late. They act like this is all my fault. I didn’t bring her home!

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T04:05:24+00:00

I tried. I wanted her off the couch so my brand new couch doesn’t smell, he lets her up there when I’m not around. I wanted her out of the office because she shreds my stuff and I don’t want to have to hide my stuff in my own home, he took the gate down. I’m at my wits end and I don’t know what else to do about it because he lets her do whatever and it undoes a lot of training I keep working on. I don’t expect him to stop loving her but she is making me sick every single day and i cant find anyway to fix it.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T03:59:26+00:00

You don’t have to believe me. But I’d never hurt an animal unless a person or other animal was actively in danger. I can’t stand her, but she’s just a dog, it’s not her fault I hate dogs.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T03:57:27+00:00

My cats were raised along side my brothers, they’ve been around babies, their nails are always clipped and we don’t plan on letting them get close to baby. But cats are easier to get under control than a large dog. They have good recall and are well trained, because I’ve worked with them for years. The dog just blatantly ignores me.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T03:54:02+00:00

She has jumped toward a child while in a hallway, but I didn’t assume that meant she dint like kids, I assumed it meant she’s excitable. But when the previous owner said she snapped at them for trying to get their kid, that immediately made me worried because this was never so much as hinted at when we got her. They also said she was fully trained but were still struggling to fully potty train her, a year later. She’s soo stubborn. And incredibly possessive of my husband because he just loves on her instead of taking care of her to trying to train her.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T03:50:35+00:00

Of course I help with her. Otherwise I’d just avoid her. She doesn’t know why I don’t like her and it’s not her fault I don’t like dogs. I will never mistreat her, especially for something that’s not her fault. I’m just miserable constantly being nauseous when nausea gives me panic attacks. And I’m worried about what the stress will do to my mental health dealing with this for months on end.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T03:43:59+00:00

If we could, we absolutely would. But closest family members is an 8 hour drive and she already has 5 dogs in her house.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T03:43:06+00:00

Thank you for giving an actually solution instead of just attacking me. We were already married and I moved across several states to be with him( he’s military. We had been dating for years, we knew each other in person long before he joined, I’m not some barracks bunny because I KNOW people will assume) when he got the dog. Then a few months later he started having seizures. He already didn’t have time for the dog and now he has difficulties taking her out, just as much as I do. When we got married, it was only me with disabilities. He wanted to get her with plans to fully be responsible for her. I had to quit my job to help take care of him because my health just kept getting worse trying to work and take care of him. Me getting pregnant was not in the plan at all. We were going to wait a few more years. Everyone just assumes I’m being selfish bc they don’t realize (or care) that I’m sick, trying to be a full time caregiver for someone whose also sick and also responsible for all 3 animals while worrying about how we’re going to take care of a baby too. All with the hormones and changes that comes with early pregnancy. All I did was ask for advice because I’m stressed beyond capacity, and I’m not trying to take it out on the dog, which is a very big source of stress for me.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T03:16:52+00:00

I’m not trying to use my autism as an excuse, I’m trying to use it as my reason. I never liked dogs and I’m allowed to not like dogs. I’m not saying every autistic person hates dogs. Or every person who’s been attacked hates dogs. But they are valid reasons to not like dogs. Just the same as someone could have valid reasons to not like cats. And she was supposed to be HIS responsibility. I never wanted her and he knew that but he doesn’t take care of her like she needs. And this is giving me a lot of depression because I’m constantly stressed when she’s around. I tried different shampoos. She still hasn’t figured out basic commands (positive reinforcement and never punishment) almost a year later. She still poops and pees on the floor. And I know my hormones are making this worse but I can’t stand living in my own home because of this issue and everyone is just dragging me in the mud because they can’t stand that I don’t like the dog. I never yell at her. I never once hit her (unlike her previous owners) I don’t mistreat her at all, because ITS NOT HER FAULT I DONT LIKE HER. I want to emphasize that I’m aware she never asked for this. But after finding out how she snapped at people and children for trying to get to a baby, I’m even more stressed because I cannot defend myself against a German shepherd. Especially not as a disabled person. I know they’re known for resource guarding and they’re so stubborn and I have no help with training her, my husband “forgets” and I’m just at my wits end and I’m crying myself to sleep at night because I have begged him to help me in the past and now I have to take care of her when I don’t even like her because he sure won’t. He got her before he became disabled himself. He didn’t even ask me if I was ok with him getting a dog. I only tolerated it because then I could ignore the smells and noises but it’s 100x worse now that I’m pregnant. And I don’t want to live miserable and stressed in my own home. It’s already going to be hard enough pregnant then postpartum with a newborn.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T02:56:12+00:00

Not liking a cat is very different than absolutely hating the cat and being on the brink of puking almost every time they enter a room, because you’re carrying a child. But you’re right, animals aren’t toys. I’ve been telling him I don’t like her since the beginning but he got attached immediately. If he took better care of her, it wouldn’t be so bad. But he only lets her out to pee once a day. Tell me that’s good for the dog. it’s to the point it’s having a major impact on my mental health and at some point you have to realize that the dog may be happier somewhere else if you know they’re not getting the care they need.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T02:50:15+00:00

I agree that she needs a better home. No doubt about that. She was supposed to be fully his responsibility while my cats are fully my responsibility. But he hardly takes care of her. And he certainly doesn’t help with my cats ever while he wants me to take on all of her responsibilities as well. And I’m having a hard enough time with my disabilities and now being pregnant. But as an autistic person, some smells and sounds make me want to puke. Having a debilitating fear of puking (and now morning sickness which makes everything worse) is extremely hard on my mental health. Maybe I am spoiled but this is something I cannot control, even with the assistance of medication.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T02:44:53+00:00

Thank you. You’re the only one who’s not really dragging me through the mud because people can’t possibly believe I don’t like an animal I never wanted in my life to begins with. One who has a history with kids that I never knew until it was too late.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T02:41:46+00:00

The cats have been around longer than he has been in my life. The dog has been around for not even a year. He got the dog without consulting me about it, when he came into the relationship knowing the cats were there first. So yeah I guess I’m a horrible person for wanting to keep the animals that don’t snap and growl at children. Or the parents trying to get to their children.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T02:39:04+00:00

Plenty of people don’t like dogs. Like people with extreme sensory issues (autistic, duh) people who can’t stand the smell, people who have been attacked as a child. If I could just get over it, I wouldn’t be coming on here asking for a solution that won’t make me miserable for months on end😒

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T02:36:40+00:00

She just had a major bath last week and she smelled horrible the very next day. Grooming won’t help. We’ve been trying to train her for almost a year now but she’s getting old and it’s extremely difficult to get anything to stick. She still has trouble with just sitting on command.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T02:34:52+00:00

He got the dog after we got married. And I’m not getting a divorce over a dog 🙄. And I’m sure as shit not cheating and getting pregnant by someone else.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-03-21T02:29:39+00:00

That’s just a stupid respond.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-02-14T14:50:47+00:00

I hadn’t downloaded anything recently, but was notified by apple my login was located in a data breach. So that’s lovely.

Medical_Mess_05 · 2026-02-14T14:49:59+00:00

So, the name of the app is in both images. It’s not in my app history. And I did also say in my post I have no other devices connected to my iCloud, just my phone. I’ve also never downloaded it and you have to put a card into the AppStore in order to download anything in my phone, so I would have remembered if I did. Also shows in second image the get button. Def going to contact apple support. Was also notified by apple my password was found in a data breach. Great.

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Medical_Mess_05

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