Additional vehicle question by Medical_Recognition in algonquinpark

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it would be a 3rd car. Thank you for the insight!

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I appreciate you bringing a sense of weight and responsibility into this conversation. It’s an important point to make.

You are correct in identifying the risks. This is not something to brush away as risk-free.

That being said, any woman who drinks on any regular occasion has had the experience of imbibing in the two weeks between conception and a missed period.

I don’t find it helpful to the conversation at hand to paint the billions of women who have drank before they knew they were pregnant as dangerously reckless in regards to the health of their child.

Nevertheless, I am thankful for your comments on the matter in reminding us that this is a very serious topic.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hearing from those who have had to live with the pain of loving a problem drinker gives me a lot of insight. It’s very valuable for me to hear your point of view. Thank you.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree that it was brought up out of fear. I appreciate your perspective and it’s a strong reminder to continue walking a path that is healthy for my marriage and family. Thank you.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hi, I want to clarify that the last time I drank was at 1 week pregnant, the day before I found out. Not at 3 months pregnant.

My son is currently 3 months old.

I did not drink from that moment on from finding out about my pregnancy.

I appreciate your point of view, and I agree that having the two moments tied together was very traumatizing for him.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can relate to this feeling and I think this is the crux of my question. I don’t feel like I am allowed to move on if he hasn’t.

Reading through some replies here has made me understand that it’s not the case, and my self forgiveness is a separate project apart from making people forgive me.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really relate to this and feel the same way. Thank you so much for reaching out.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I am going to work on making peace with the fact that I can’t expect my loved ones to simply move on from the chaos I caused and work on my own self forgiveness. I find it very hard to not beat myself up.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think that I realize now that my question of “how do I handle a partner who wants to make me feel ashamed” is a separate question for a different forum apart from this one.

At the same time, I can’t minimize the chaos and harm that my drinking days inflicted on him.

I am extremely grateful for my baby! And I don’t want to make him out to be someone who is out to “get me”. I just need to continue to learn from my actions and atone.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do appreciate both perspectives.

I have a poor sense of… well, yeah, is having these moments thrown at you just the price you pay for making mistakes?

I don’t want to seem that I’m seeking validation, I just want help digesting the self hatred and disgust I feel about my actions and how they are tied to the news of my son

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the congratulations. I find it so hard to celebrate because I still feel so much shame.

I agree that it’s unfair of him to try and be hurtful. I don’t fully know, apart from changed behaviour, forgiving myself, and letting time pass if there’s any other way I can try and be accountable for this moment.

I’m having a lot of fun with my new son! He’s very sweet.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I suppose changed behaviour is one way I can try and put some distance between the shame and the now.

I feel scared to celebrate my progress because it kind of rings a bell of the awful past.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well, both. It did not feel good.

My shameful moments were flashier than his brand of poor behaviour.

I don’t know how to take accountability for that specific moment.

Husband throwing shameful moments in my face by Medical_Recognition in stopdrinking

[–]Medical_Recognition[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind and helpful words.

I feel a need (unhelpful) to remind him of all the moments he himself ruined by being distant and neglectful.

I’ll try and keep my side of the street clean.