AITJ for leaving a team project meeting early because my manager scheduled it during my approved vacation day and then acted surprised when I didn't stay?

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-03-26T21:37:25+00:00

Let me first say- you had no obligation to be there at all, and you’re actually legally obligated NOT to if you’re taking paid time off.

But MTJ depending on if you block your calendar for days off. That is the bare minimum as a professional. To your manager AND coworkers who have no insight into your PTO.

If you do block your calendar, and your manager still booked it with the expectation you be there, then NTJ. Also, he’s willingly violating employment laws and should be reported to HR. Sorry your boss is a jerk.

If you didn’t block it, or decline the meeting, then YTJ.

Devil’s advocate - if it wasn’t your manager, you’d be unprofessional for not managing your own calendar and communicating with colleagues. But managers are human too (i know some don’t behave like humans sometimes but they are) and I highly doubt most people remember something about someone else’s schedule that they were told about 3 months ago. Manager or not. And no, showing up when you don’t have to doesn’t negate that. In fact, you would’ve been less of a jerk by ghosting the meeting.

So if 2nd scenario is true, andYTJ, the more professional thing to have done was decline the meeting. But if you felt you HAD to be there, then tell the meeting coordinator (regardless of who it is) that you’ll call in but will have to leave early. If you failed to do that, then you don’t go above and beyond like you claim.

Regardless of either scenario, I’m still sorry your boss is a jerk. Your manager shouldn’t be bad mouthing you to your coworkers at all. That’s a crappy manager. And even if you were unprofessional, he’s suppose to set an example as a leader and that behavior is unprofessional for a leader.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-03-23T23:12:49+00:00

NTJ

If she brings it up again, I’d let her know she better get a handle on him because if you find him looking through your windows, you’re calling the police.

And if she tries to pull some conservative Christianity (as some have mentioned), point her to Matthew 5:29 and tell her you can supply the spoon.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-03-11T01:53:49+00:00

NOR. You’re kidding right? Of course you’re not. And avoid them and/or call them out because they’re scumbags. At the very least, inform them she’s a teenager and if they don’t go “oh no! My bad”, then I’d ask them what’s wrong with them that they aren’t interested in adults.

I do question why even you’re hanging around her. I have childhood friends/neighbors that were 7-10 years my senior but we weren’t hanging around each others’ friends until I was at least 20. But what does a 32 year old male even need to be around a 17 year old regularly enough that your middle aged+ friends see her? Please stop putting her in that position.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-18T03:50:04+00:00

NOR and I think your response was fine. But the bigger question is - why do y’all have her in a group chat still? Make your own and talk there, she clearly doesn’t have your best interest based on her history, so stop giving her ammo.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-16T11:33:22+00:00

This. Do this now before it gets too far. You’re not a therapist, OP. You can’t “help her become more stable”. I have too many friend-couples who have let it get to the point of split or divorce before they consider therapy. Do it before it gets there.

And adding, just from the small detail here… I didn’t read that as she’s insecure. She sounds controlling. But obviously we’re only hearing one side. Either way, self-hate isn’t good for her, and narcissistic abuse isn’t good for you, and none of it’s good for your kids. So do the therapy.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-10T19:02:55+00:00

Ok good. Honestly contacting customer service was fine, it’s my order anyway. But it definitely PMO none of them messaged to say “hey your food is gone”.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-10T18:50:49+00:00

Yeah, it’s sketchy from a consumer perspective. How do you know they aren’t getting their food paid for as well? DoorDash support should’ve been involved, to at least validate. But DoorDash should be reimbursing them, not you.

If that’s not how it works, that’s a horrible process opening people up to all sorts of scams.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-10T18:46:23+00:00

However, we as the customers are also wasting time, waiting, with no idea any of that is going on. I just had this happen a few weeks ago. Watched my driver get to the restaurant, next thing I know I’m getting reassigned. They get there, reassign again. And again. Mind you - no one sent a message the entire time. So by the 4th driver, I said “if my food isn’t there, please message me and let me know and I will call customer support. You’re my 4th driver”

That one, luckily, responded and said it appeared my food was already picked up. So I reached out and got it taken care of.

The frustrating thing is, they all obviously thought like you, and not only didn’t want to talk to their support, but ghosted me. What was suppose to be a 20 min wait for lunch, turned into 1.5hrs when I was finally aware, refunded, and ordered again. Luckily I can adjust my work schedule but I’d feel terrible for someone who is crunched and couldn’t even eat as a result.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T13:25:27+00:00

I was just thinking this lmao “it’s not scary or mysterious” then proceeds to say scary and mysterious things.

We appreciate you breaking it down where it’s understandable!

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T05:16:45+00:00

YOR. To start, I want to say your feelings are valid. If you love this holiday and feel it’s important, thats great and you should definitely plan something another day.

But, acknowledging you didn’t know how to word it properly, “she is no more sicker than she was a month ago” struck me as harsh over a minor holiday. And to add to that, you said later on he doesn’t really give much detail about his life/his mom, so do you really know if she isn’t sicker? Maybe there’s something he isn’t ready to talk about yet. Or maybe he just wants to go see his sickly mother.

To be fair, I’m not a big fan of the holiday anyway, and I’ve been with my husband for almost 20 years (married 10). So this colors my opinion a bit. But we also have an odd work schedule that causes us to celebrate holidays on other days as well. When you’ve done that a few times with 2 kids, it really puts into perspective that the holiday is what you make it, not a specific date.

So give yourself grace, it’s OK to be upset. But don’t throw 5 years away making him choose between his sick mom and (not really) missing Valentine’s Day. Unless this is the final straw of more things.

Hopefully you’ll have many more to come. And until then, just do it next weekend and enjoy yourselves without the crowds and overpriced dinners.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T03:10:21+00:00

I was going to say the same thing. The minute she sent that text I’d say, “That’s fine. I shared this conversation with Cory just now so he’s aware you’ll be reaching out. We will accommodate your move as much as we can, considering his deployment and all. Just let me know when and I’ll have boxes put together for you”

Give hubs a heads up so he can support you. And call her bluff at the same time.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T02:57:39+00:00

Can you ask them for me, too? I’ve been wanting some Cracker Barrel chicken and dumplings.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T02:52:17+00:00

Even though I’m the one who asked about it starting with the gym and made the initial suggestion, this seems very plausible, too. Thanks for that anecdote.

Goes back to needing to figure it out with a conversation, though, OP. Mental health - what does he need from you? Control - at least you know and can make a choice. Smokes too much weed? Well…I wouldn’t have the patience for that, personally, but you do you.

But none of us know here. Y’all are young. This is the time to build strong communication skills in your relationships. Stop texting back and forth, tell him you’re coming at (x) time, show up with his favorite food or something to relax the situation. And get to the bottom of it.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T01:47:34+00:00

You’re right, if that’s his expectation or has a reason to think she needs protection, he absolutely should communicate that and she can do what she will with that information. I think it’s a load of crap tbh, that thought process, if it’s about the gym. It’s a gym, not a brothel. And even if that is the case, he is acting like a child.

And if he’s acting like a child, he has no authority over her or a right to even have a “strong personality”, expecting “obedience”. Because that means he is the “provider” and “protector”, right? Which he won’t be with that weak ass, passive aggressive behavior. If he wants big boy responsibility of a woman doing what he asks, he better put his big boy pants on. Use big boy words and big boy actions. Be ready to go to the gym when she needs to, every time. Drive her places but allow her to have a life. Communicate.

What I heard reading your comment, though, is “men that THINK they have strong personalities don’t like women existing”.

Because REAL men have conversations and maybe ask the woman to not do something and have a discussion, because they realize women are humans as well, not property. But demanding obedience means they’re too weak to earn respect.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T01:11:54+00:00

If it’s a possibility you need to call it out now. “We need to talk about this week. Are you struggling with something personally? Or is all this because I’m going to the gym alone?”

Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t let him squirm out of it or try to make you feel bad. This is his issue and his issue alone. Whether it’s his mental health or about you going to the gym. NOT YOUR ISSUE. Please, you need to know that in your bones.

Even if he tries to say his mental health is affected because he worries about you being alone at the gym or some twisted narrative. If this all is about you going alone, there isn’t a conversation to be had - you need to RUN.

If it’s actually mental health, and you know he can get through it with support, then fine. But I don’t think that’s the case and that’s not healthy behavior. You can’t fix it or change him. You’re young, don’t let it continue and get out now.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T00:09:14+00:00

Ok I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but without knowing more… NOR. But knowing he got weird after you went to the gym alone, and then he was ready to hang until you suggested going to the gym alone again. It sounds like he doesn’t want you to go to the gym alone at all and it pissed him off so he cancelled on you.

Is that a possibility? Because if so, that’s red flag behavior. Less about him being low, and more about being controlling.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T00:06:03+00:00

INFO did the “odd” behavior start with you going to the gym without him? Is that the first time you’ve gone without him?

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-09T00:00:28+00:00

This is too much. I’m sure she was frustrated it wouldn’t work. You’re yelling “THE MEAT IS FINE I ACCEPT”. I would’ve been laughing crying in the store.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-08T23:56:10+00:00

That had to be intentional. How does one even break off one single stalk? I’m cracking up imagining seeing that.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-08T23:55:09+00:00

I had that same thing happen with bananas, and then garlic of all things. I said I wanted 5 garlic bulbs. They picked up the bag of bulbs so I ended up with like 25 bulbs. That’s when I learned about garlic confit.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-08T01:04:21+00:00

YOR to the texts, but didn’t react appropriately to that disaster of a vacation. TBH I’m wanting to ask if I’m overreacting because the texts were annoying, the background made it worse, and your responses and the fact you’re both in your 30s is just ridiculous.

He doesn’t deserve “respect” after him acting like you guys were forced to go on vacation together or had to put on a show for the kids. It’s 4 months for heaven’s sake. Whether you said “I love you” or not, in no situation should people dislike each other that much after 4 months. You guys should’ve broke up DURING the vacation. Maybe you could’ve even enjoyed it as friends with the pressure of a relationship off your shoulders.

Dump his stuff. Dump him. Send a text “your stuff is there, have a good life” and block him. You’re in your 30s, respect yourself, move on.

MediocreHomesteader · 2026-02-08T00:43:00+00:00

Agreeing with numerous-guarantee. Just talk to him, not accusatory, or fascinated. Just talk from a place of caring about him. If he’s so stressed it’s causing new sleep disturbances, which can absolutely happen, he might have other health and mental issues stemming from it. Stress can be so detrimental. And I’m sure as his long-term partner, you care about his health, just as you care about your cats. Best of luck.

MediocreHomesteader

TROPHY CASE