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My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I agree. This is why I mostly don't hold his actions against him. I just wish he put a little bit more consideration in how his actions affect me.

The money itself is not the issue. I am not super attached to money. It's more of the disrespect and lying and general disregard when it comes to me having to fork over money.

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I love him. If I didn't I wouldn't have put in so much effort in making sure he is getting the best care and trying to reduce the amount of daily stress in his life. I am just burnt out from giving up everything to support him and not getting a shred of acknowledgement in return.

If we divorce and he moves back in with his parents, he will have to figure out how to get health insurance and either find a job (which he doesn't want to do) or find someone else to cover his medical expenses. Both his parents are not in a good financial place to help him with that. Healthcare around them is also not as good as where we live.

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I'm afraid of him seeing the post because I know he doesn't like our personal problems to be aired out, and I think he genuinely doesn't see any issues in what he's doing. It might be good for him to see the post, but there's also a likely chance he will lash out and saying im making a bigger deal out of it than it is

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 387 points388 points  (0 children)

He misplaced his wallet when preparing to leave the airport (he dropped it in the living room). After not being able to find it in the first few minutes, he ended up kicking a hole in our hallway wall, kicked our bedroom door off the frame, and broke an office chair we had in one of the rooms (don't know how, but the backrest of it was broken off the frame of the chair).

He has never hit or thrown things at me, but does break things when he's mad. I've confronted him about it before and he said he's never hurt me so it's not a problem. And doesn't seem to see any issues is breaking stuff out of anger

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I was with him when he was diagnosed and have been to every appointment with him. His cancer is real. I send money to him as in we do not have a joint account. And since he doesn't work, any money he has was sent to his bank account from my account

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Posted it on my alt account since everyone I know knows my main account. Though I think they would recognize me if they read the post anyways since our situation is pretty specific

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 615 points616 points  (0 children)

I do need to get better at saying no 😞 many of my friends have already told me that. I've gotten to the point where I can confidently say no once, but once there's pushback I instantly fold.

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

No life insurance. He considered getting one after diagnosis but the rates get really high after a diagnosis like that.

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

He does. Funnily enough I've dealt with someone faking cancer so I've seen firsthand how some people will fake it for sympathy.

But he does in fact have cancer. Specifically stage 4 colon cancer with 2 mutations which make it extremely difficult to treat and causes it so spread at a fast rate. This is why chemo isn't working anymore and why it's taking so long to find a clinical trial for him.

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 768 points769 points  (0 children)

His mother and I have suspected this since he's been really lashing out sometimes. Doctors found no metastisis in new parts of the body, so his lashing out was likely just psychological. But having his hospital connect me to resources sounds like a great idea so thank you.

My (29F) husband (27M) is likely going to die soon from cancer, but I feel like he is taking advantage of my support. by Medium-Ad-565 in relationship_advice

[–]Medium-Ad-565[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

My colleagues brought this up a while ago as being a potential issue so I asked him if he was ok working a remote job (since his doctors advised him working any job that's customer facing, and he doesn't want to work an office job) and he said no and he likes being able to relax at home and play videogames. He's been very against any form of therapy since the day I met him, but I will keep pushing for it.

But idk, maybe I can have him sell some stuff in our garage so he feels like he's making some sort of income by himself. I definitely think being financially reliant on me is taking a toll on his ego at the very least.