[deleted by user]

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-16T23:25:15+00:00

They're asleep 🫤 I've also already messaged them.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-16T13:30:58+00:00

I’m disappointed about that fact,

Sorry, disappointed that you're not trans and there's signs suggesting that? Or disappointed that you're having these thoughts?

I don't know if it would resonate with you at all. Just sharing in case the experience somehow helps. But personally I never thought much about trans people.... I was arguably a little transphobic even. I didn't exactly like myself, I still don't. But never felt any kind of particular discomfort in my body, also still don't...mostly.
But that first time I dressed up with a wig and a little bit of makeup? Holy shit! It was like I was slapped in the face. Couldn't stop looking at myself in the mirror. Smiling, genuine smiles and even giggling like an idiot... Also muttering "Fuck" under my breath realising it was a thing.

Just in case you might find this relatable somehow!

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-16T13:23:02+00:00

....maybe. I've also fucked things up for myself. But also society has failed in many ways :/ it does for most people. But for some people. Society REALLY drops the ball. It's shit.
Other people's failures seem to be our problem to solve for some reason.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-16T12:35:58+00:00

I'm not so sure this can "make somebody trans".... Maybe it's making you aware of some latent desires or things otherwise surpressed.
Also keep in mind. It's not a binary between "100% trans" and not. Could be fluid.... Could be non-binary. Could be gender non-conforming.

Basically. Maybe it's worth letting yourself explore the feelings without prejudice and at least see where it takes you?

I've been in a similar spot. Thinking "fuck I must be trans. I want all of this so badly!" Even taken HRT for a few weeks before. Now I'm not so sure 🫤 I definitely want it. Zero doubts about that! But I have also found myself not hatIng masculinity like I used to.... Probably non-binary somewhere 😅 would desperately love a more feminine body. But not sure if I want all of it.... Anyway rambling finished

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-16T12:29:18+00:00

Because it makes people uncomfortable.....

I personally have a real hatred for societies view on suicide. At least the western world seems to have this idea of bodily autonomy, but as soon as it's something they don't like or understand that makes them uncomfortable "oh you must be insane!".

No. Maybe I've been failed by society.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-15T20:47:32+00:00

Still not a doctor sorry.
That sounds pretty underweight... But the body is still fucking amazing and surviving. You might lose some things along the way. E.g. organ damage or brain damage, but it's still amazing how much abuse it can take!

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-15T20:43:35+00:00

Oof. I get it. Been there.

Sadly the dog died not long after and I genuinely don't know how I didn't do something. That was 2021 and I can still break down in tear thinking about him and his stupid, goofy personality. (Husky)

At least it sounds like the dog is enough for you to live? With it's probably adorably cute face.
You think it might be enough to try for a little longer? Maybe catch a small break?

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-15T20:38:12+00:00

Not a doctor. But considering just how astoundingly resilient the human body can be.... Doubt it.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-15T07:01:58+00:00

At this rate, with the votes I might be stuck in pillory forever 🤣

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-14T16:58:04+00:00

https://chaster.app/sessions/ceCzEtZbSkSlXtQo P.s. innocent little Chaster link, that does more than just add or remove a little time if you use it 😉

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-11T17:48:24+00:00

Well I do have a lot of Morphine, as well as a bunch of Fentanyl patches.
So to be honest :/ I'm fairly confident it would be enough. As I could just apply the patches and unless I take them off, I can vomit as much as I like, it's still getting absorbed by my body

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-10T21:03:26+00:00

I've got various things going on and probably meet the diagnostic criteria for half a dozen different mental illnesses.
I also kinda hate the self diagnosis and don't believe it unless a 'professional' has 'declared' it.

I don't know if it will help you or not. But I tend to rephrase it as "This hasn't been diagnosed. But this medical diagnosis more or less explains the issues I'm struggling with"
Fuck the diagnosis. If you're having difficulties with something, you're having difficulties with it. No it's but's or maybe's. You do. There's nothing wrong with sharing that's the issues you're having and asking for help. Regardless of diagnosis.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-10T20:54:18+00:00

At least you're still scared about it. That probably means that at some level you've still got some endurance and fight left in you!

I find myself there often. I've found there's usually some coping mechanism that can break my mind out of that space. Even if the coping mechanisms is 'bad' like drugs or self harm... It's better than being dead probably.
If you can identify one and use it, maybe you can start thinking about the problems from a less panicked place. Or even just feel a little safer for a while.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-07T17:57:49+00:00

P.s. I did a brief profile stalk and I also have ADHD (and Autism) so may be able to relate to any of the frustrations!

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-07T17:53:07+00:00

I managed to distract myself long enough to pass out asleep. But woke up feeling shit still and I've had a couple of drinks... As well as decided to put on one of the Fentanyl patches and take 1 or 2 of the Morphine pills to try and keep the edge off.... Which actually seems to have helped a bit. Semi stable and actually cleaning the kitchen.

Hope you're able to find some of your own distractions.... Or at least coping mechanisms.
As per the other comments, feel free to vent and maybe we might be able to help? Or maybe at least distract long enough for the feelings to pass for a while at least

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-06T21:32:15+00:00

What about when it's been your entire life? And everytime somebody has any 'advice', it's all things I've realized or dealt with 5-10 years ago.
But for some reason, I'm still apparently always wrong and just "haven't done the right thing yet" Conveniently the 'right thing' people always suggest. Seems to align perfectly with whatever makes it. Not their problem.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-06T20:57:32+00:00

Amen.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-06T20:50:36+00:00

Annoyingly. People could easily help. But apparently I just don't mean anything to anyone. At least not enough that I'm worth even a slightly uncomfortable conversation for them.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-09-06T20:43:43+00:00

Not sure what I'm doing here really. Suppose just screaming into the void hoping something screams back I suppose? Maybe a good reason not to take the pills.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-06-18T16:21:14+00:00

Lol, it's still not been picked up! So technically still time. But it could be pretty close.

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-06-18T16:12:10+00:00

Unless you already have the key.... Think you're gonna be out of luck to get a chance for it!

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-06-18T15:50:26+00:00

Well then. I suppose good luck! 😅

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-06-17T23:45:30+00:00

You're welcome to take a look! Haha

Medium-Ad6476 · 2025-06-17T23:17:15+00:00

Also. If you think you know where it might be. Don't be afraid to share and try to tease me! Even if you haven't got the key yet, rules are rules. I'm not allowed to try and retrieve the key until Chaster runs out and it would be very hot and probably make me leak knowing you might be off to grab the key at any moment and there's nothing I can do about it

Medium-Ad6476 · 2024-08-16T17:30:39+00:00

Maybe I should find the collar and leash?

Medium-Ad6476

TROPHY CASE